


Genesis

by Gerium



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ben "Boy Toy" Solo, Ben Solo has a bondage kink and you can't convince me otherwise, Ben Solo has daddy issues, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Dark Reylo, Dark!Rey, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Repressed, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Visions, Hux is the ultimate brat, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kira Ren - Freeform, Kira Ren is not nice, LIBERAL use of Force visions, Nightmares, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, Poe Finn and Ben make the best idiot trio, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey has a tough exterior but vulnerable interior, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo: the musty old man defeating force dyad duo, Role Reversal, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smuggler Ben Solo, Some Humor, The stormtroopers definitely have fun with it, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), dealing with your feelings in a healthy way? Neither of them have heard of it, he is HORNY for her he just doesn't know it yet, im rewriting the sequels, kind of, not an entirely healthy relationship, so does Phasma, that doesn't mean she isn't down to GET IT
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:33:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 73,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23936149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gerium/pseuds/Gerium
Summary: Supreme Leader Snoke has found an apprentice worthy of his training, an apprentice with unmatched power. She calls herself Kira Ren, and she is the finest tool he has ever made. Master of the Knights of Ren, Snoke's right hand is sent out to find the map to Skywalker on a backwater planet by the name of Jakku.Ben Solo is a smuggler, and would like for it to stay that way. It seems like everyone, and apparently also the Force, has other plans though, for suddenly, after years of no contact, General of the Resistance, Leia Organa, contacts her son to do a little smuggling job for her organisation: deliver spare parts and weapons to Jakku.Ben finds himself sucked into the conflict between the Resistance and the First Order - a conflict he wants no part in. Leia seems to have other plans for him, though - and it is quite unsettling that he finds himself having begun to see a masked figure, a woman he believes is the same person who tried to kill him the night the temple of his uncle was brought into flame and ruin.Am I rewriting the ST with reverse roles? It's more likely than you think. Sort of, at least. Keeping a few of the major elements, changing a lot of them too. Hope you'll enjoy!
Relationships: Kira Ren/Ben Solo, Kira Ren/Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 130
Kudos: 72





	1. Out of the frying pan, into the fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo is a smuggler. Despite a few bumps along the way, he would have liked for it to stay that way, if it wasn't for the woman - whom he suspects to be the same girl presumably sent to assassinate him eight years ago - popping into his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am BACK  
> I've gotten some of the revised version typed out, and enough to begin posting! I hope you'll enjoy!
> 
> Also I'm sorry but we all knew smuggler Ben would get into trouble somehow

_Damn that Luke Skywalker._

_Ben moped down the hallway and into his room, glancing at the calligraphy set on his desk and frowning when he found that he was much too restless for that. He flopped down onto his bed - if you could call it that, it was really not much more than a mattress on the floor - but quickly sprang back up again, rain-wet hair sticking to his forehead, his light robes soaked from the sudden downpour._

_It wasn’t like it was his fault he’d gotten distracted again. And it wasn’t like he’d hurt anyone, he’d only cut down a tree, and besides, that had fallen away from all the Padawans._

_A shudder shot down his spine, and he swung his arms, trying to get rid of it, to get rid of the oddly cold sensation that made the hair at the back of his head stand up. It’d been there enough times by now that he was able to recognise it. He was just glad the voice that usually accompanied the feeling hadn’t been there lately - and yet, that was oddly unnerving, too._

_It had come when they were training their duelling, that overwhelming sense of imposing danger closing in on him, and his body had moved on his own, had tried to protect him from whatever it was. He didn’t really know how it’d happened, but the next moment, as the ground shook beneath them all from how the great tree had fallen to the ground, cut down by his sabre, it seemed, Luke had stormed towards him, his icy eyes filled with anger, with disappointment._

_Ben clenched his hands into fists. He wasn’t going to be scared of his uncle. He was going to become a powerful Jedi one day, and he was going to prove it to Luke._

_Giving a sigh, he stretched out on the bed, and, once he’d tossed and turned and spent more time than what was fair on falling asleep like he did every night, he drifted off, comfortable beneath the covers._

_He woke with a start._

_The small chamber was lit up in crimson. Someone was in there with him. A girl, dressed in black, a helmet covering her features. And she had her lightsabre raised to strike. He reached out, his own weapon flying into his hand just in time for him to parry the blow._

_There was a boom and a crackle as the temple came crashing down around them, the great stones it was made of falling, tumbling from above. Ben, heart pounding wildly in his chest, grit his teeth as he focused every ounce of himself on keeping the debris from crushing him._

_He was unscathed when now only the heavy rain poured down on him. Blinking the water out of his eyes, he was mortified when he saw the flames that had gone up from the ruined temple, that roared despite the weather - but he didn’t focus on it for long._

_Swallowing, gripping his sabre with hands he hated for trembling, he ignited his blade and got to his feet, staring fixedly at the body lying at the edge of what had been his room. He saw the hilt of her weapon, lying unlit by her side, saw that her arm was bleeding, that she wasn’t moving - not until now._

_The mask she’d worn was broken, had fallen apart where a stone had hit it, exposing her face. Her nose was bleeding and her brows furrowed, eyes blinking open._

_Chest rising and falling with each quick breath, he tightened the grip on his sabre, but she didn’t turn on her blade again, just scrambled to get up._

_She looked just as terrified as he felt._

_Ben, frozen in place, felt his jaw go slack when their eyes met. She halted her movements for just a moment, didn’t say anything, just stared at him through the hole smashed in her mask, baring only one half of her face._

_Then, she bent down, snatched her sabre, and ran, ran out into the night._

_Stunned, it took a second or two before he could react._

_“Wait!” he called after her, feeling like something he wouldn’t get back was slipping away, oddly calm despite how an assassin had just tried to take his life._

_He began running, but someone grabbed his elbow and yanked him into turning around._

_Startled, he turned, and he was looking right into the grim face of Luke Skywalker._

_“What did you do, Ben?” he demanded, glancing down at the lit sabre in his hands._

_“Huh? I- I’m, there was someone who was in my room, a girl, she, everything came crashing down,” he tried to explain, looking over his shoulder after her, huffing out a breath of frustration when he realised she was gone._

_He tugged him closer. “What did you do?” Skywalker asked, staring him right in the face._

_Ben’s brows furrowed. “What? Let go of me,” he said, trying to resist the urge to lean away, but he hadn’t ever seen his uncle this furious._

_His upper lip twitching, Luke seized his sabre and finally let him go, leaving him to stumble back._

_“I should never have allowed you to come here,” he said, shaking his head. “Shouldn’t have let Leia talk me into this.”_

_“What are you doing? Give that back!” he yelled, “I haven’t done anything!”_

_With building dread in his gut, he saw the hard look in his eyes, saw that he’d found his conclusion and wouldn’t veer from it._

No. No. I didn’t do this _, Ben wanted to say, but his uncle’s expression was as if it’d been set in stone, and he sensed the bitter determination roiling off of him in the Force._

_“Leave. Now,” Luke said._

_Fighting back the tears he hated to know welled up in his eyes, he managed to keep his voice from breaking as he said, “Give me my sabre back!”_

_His master glanced down at the weapon and crushed it in his hands. Ben felt his knees tremble beneath him, couldn’t discern the rain from his tears, and yet, despite the downpour, something flared in him, blown alive by the shock and hurt, the distrust and scrutiny._

_Jaw clenching, they stared each other down, Ben already as tall as the man he so wanted to look up to._

_He turned, and he left._

Starting awake, Ben immediately sat up, then groaned.

Wow. It’d been a while since he’d had that dream, huh?

Rubbing his eyes, he swung his legs out over the edge of the bed, pulled on his shirt, stuck the blaster into its holster, and went out into the dawn of Batuu, the balmy air feeling soft against his skin, fresh when he breathed it in.

The streets were relatively empty, and that was just what he needed for his. Ben scratched at the back of his neck as he walked, pace quick, yet not quick enough to be suspicious, and he wondered why he was doing this again. The Resistance was barely scraping by when it came to money, and though he wasn’t exactly intent on becoming rich, just being paid enough to cover his expenses would have been nice, though. He knew why, though, deep down. Leia had asked him to, or rather ordered it.

Maybe it was just the fact that it was the first contact she’d had with him in years had been one brief call, explaining what they needed and what he would get for doing it. Ben ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head as he went.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, he was about to pick up the last crate of the delivery when he heard something, a clang, from behind him. Straightening, he called out, “Hakkarh?” but she didn’t answer.

Only dim light illuminated the small warehouse the spare parts and weapons had been stored in until now, and he had a feeling something wasn’t right.

Keeping his hand near his blaster, he turned and looked at the doorway to outside, saw three figures enter through it.

“Ben Solo, you have a lot to answer for,” the Rodian in the middle snarled.

He backed as Cormin and Maani fanned out beside him.

“What do you mean, Gorgou?” he said, trying to get over the shock of seeing the quartet without their fourth member, to have the group come at him like this when he’d worked with them so many times before.

“Upari got life after you ratted her out,” Cormin said.

Ben blinked, recalling the last spice run he’d had with Upari. They’d delivered it successfully, there’d been no trouble at all, in fact.

“I didn’t rat anyone out. What the hell, guys?” he asked. He didn’t reach for his weapon, didn’t want to harm the few companions he had.

“New Republic officers took her the moment you left the planet! They couldn’t have known unless someone told them,” Gorgou said.

The unsaid accusation made him feel as though he’d been punched in the gut.

“What did you think you were going to gain from it, huh? Mummy’s approval?” Maani taunted, her lips peeled back from her teeth.

“You don’t seriously believe I would do something like that?” he asked in disbelief as they closed in on him, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to shoot his way out of this. He couldn’t just fire at his friends like that.

“I know your type,” Gorgou said.

Cormin dashed towards him, swung his fist, and Ben just narrowly avoided it. Maani came at him, and his arms flew up, blocking her blow as he backed further, ducking under another swing. Then, he lashed out at Cormin, hit him square in the nose, but Gorgou got a kick in that sent him stumbling to the side, his side throbbing with pain.

Holding his ribs for a moment, Ben exhaled through his teeth and charged towards the Rodian, but he dodged, and, left vulnerable, he was hit square on the jaw. He let out a gasp of pain, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and saw Cormin, wiping his bloody nose and eyes burning, come charging at him, too, the same time as Maani, and he couldn’t dance away from this one.

Together, they managed to get him into a tight hold, twisting his arms onto his back though he squirmed and fought furiously. He gasped when she pulled his head up with a rough grip on his hair. His eyes met Gorgou’s just as his fist collided with his face, and tears welled up in his eyes at sharp pain shot up through his nose. Warm blood began to trickle. For a moment, he was about to slump over if left to himself, Cormin and Maani’s grip on him held him upright, forced his chin up, and another blow landed. His head snapped to the side, and, dazed, he spat the blood out. He doubled over when a knee hit him in the stomach, the pain dull and numbing. Despite the ringing haze his head was in, one thought persisted.

This wasn’t fair.

Allowing himself to sink further into their holds, he kept his head low as another punch was dealt to his face. Then, with a grunt of effort, he tore his right hand free, snatched his blaster and fired it at Gorgou’s shoulder. The Rodian screamed and stumbled back, and, using the opportunity to get free, Ben hobbled away from the two others, aiming wildly at them.

“I don’t know what I did to you,” he huffed, wiping at his nose, “But you’re gonna get one hell of a lot more trouble if you don’t leave now, and don’t even try to pull that shit, Maani,” he warned, seeing how the Twi’lek had reached for her own weapon.

She froze. Cormin helped Gorgou up.

“You just got what you deserved, traitor,” he hissed, spitting at the ground in front of Ben. “Go back to being a Senator’s son and stay out of smuggling business. You don’t belong here.”

Supporting Gorgou between them, the trio went back out the way they came.

Ben lowered the blaster, pressing his lips together, head throbbing with pain, and wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

He looked down at the smeared blood, let out a deep sigh, and picked up the last crate, trying to keep himself from feeling just as horrible as he did.

Of course, he knew that most people weren’t very fond of him - he just hadn’t thought it was this bad. Even if Leia was his mother, he’d been a smuggler since he’d left Luke’s temple and had run his own ship since he’d been sixteen. Not once had he betrayed information to New Republic nor First Order officers, not once had be betrayed those who he considered his friends. It just didn’t seem like they thought of him that way, and maybe that was what hurt the most of all.

Squaring his shoulders, Ben went up the ramp of the XS stock light freighter, set the crate down, and dismissed R-6 as it made distressed beeps at him.

“Well, no, not one of my best mornings, you know, so let’s get out of here, alright? I’m fine, just go and set the course for…”

What was it again? He hadn’t heard the name of the planet until Leia had told him of it.

R-6 chirped.

“Yea, Jakku. I’ll patch myself up,” he said, hoping it’d take a little while for them to get there. He wasn’t exactly keen on having anyone question why he was all bruised up like this.

He rubbed the towel against his damp hair, the cuts now healed enough that it didn’t sting when the water ran over them, and the bruises were fading, too. He studied his black eye and busted lip that didn’t look too bad anymore, and the ache in his ribs were due to the greenish blotch spread over them, but it had looked much worse. He spat the mouthwash into the sink, splashed cold water into his face. Brows furrowing, there was an odd tingling sensation at the back of his neck.

He straightened, feeling like someone was nearby, and when he turned, he saw a woman.

Giving a start, he almost slipped.

She was clad in black, her head covered in a black helmet, and for now, her back was to him.

Heart pounding a mile a minute, Ben was just about to run out and get his blaster, because even if he had absolutely no clue as to what was going on, he certainly was going to try and protect himself, but then - then, she turned.

She stiffened, the red slit in the line of her eye level fixed directly on him.

She took a step towards him, and something stretched out for him though she hadn’t raised her hand.

Instinctively, his hand flew up, he knew what this was, to protect himself, to deflect whatever it was she was doing, he didn’t know.

The last thing he saw before she disappeared was her, halting, almost seeming surprised. Then, she was gone, and he was all alone in the rinsing chamber once more.

Swivelling, he tried to figure out where the hell she’d gone, where she’d come from.

He hadn’t been drugged or anything, right? No, Hakkarh was a shady bitch, but not that shady, and Gorgou, Cormin and Maani had been more intent on kicking his ass, it didn’t make sense that they would have tried something like that. Besides, it’d been days since the assault, and he’d been in contact with no one but R-6 during that time.

Then what had it been?

It reminded him of the dream he’d had. Was it the same woman, that girl who’d tried to kill him eight years ago? He couldn’t be sure. The mask wasn’t the same, and long enough time had passed that he couldn’t really compare their build, either. Still, something told him it had been her.

Something gripped tightly at his stomach until it was a tight knot. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he looked down at his hands, wondered what he’d done, what _she’d_ done. Had she been trying to kill him again? Had she somehow… Teleported?

Ben knew he’d used the Force to protect himself, just like he knew she’d wielded it to reach out for him, and he didn’t like that thought one bit. Not since the destruction of the Jedi temple, of his sabre, of life as he knew it, had he used it. He didn’t need it to pilot a ship, or to smuggle, and though he knew it was stupid, he couldn’t shake the feeling that, by opening himself up to it, he was opening himself up to that sinister voice he’d heard in his head for as long as he could remember and told no one about, the voice that had stopped speaking to him a few months before that rainy night.

He knew he was strong with the Force - that’s why Leia had sent him away to Luke in the first place, he’d heard as much when his mother and father had argued about it when they thought he was asleep.

Had this vision of her meant she was coming for him again? He frowned. With his luck, it was probably the case.

The adrenaline still in his system, Ben ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head.

Whatever it’d been, he didn’t want any part of it. He was just going to deliver what he had to, then go back to minding his own business.

 _And hopefully not get accused of more betrayal_ , he thought bitterly to himself as he dressed, then headed for the cockpit.

Jakku wasn’t far now.

Ben eyed the empty space around him once the freighter jumped out of hyperspeed, the old ship’s metal frame shaking just a little ominously at the change of pace.

The old astromech droid beeped a reprimand but he waved it off. “Yea, yea, R-6, I was careful,” he muttered, glancing at the old unit.

He found he was all alone here. Figures, Jakku was nothing but a junkyard. Eyeing the desert planet, he wondered how in the world there was even any life on it at all, but began preparing to descend regardless. After all, it was where he’d been told to bring his cargo. Beginning his landing sequence, he flicked the switches overhead, checked the coordinates, and headed for the Kelvin Ravine.

Something made him change the course slightly, though. He was ahead of schedule, so it wasn’t like he was running out of time.

If someone had asked him to explain what had made him head north, he wouldn’t have been able to. It was like something was tugging at his gut, even guiding his hand on the control wheel.

This day had been weird enough already. What could happen by making it a little odder?

The ship thrumming as it flew lowly over the vast desert that seemed to stretch out as far as the eye could see, he lowered the freighter down when he saw a village, barely more than a few huts huddled together beneath the baking sun.

Ben, frustrated with himself for even bothering, drummed his fingers against the dashboard before he left the freighter.

The heat was overwhelming, even if the sun was beginning to dip closer and closer to the horizon, and the air that blew towards him was like that of an oven.

“Fine, come, but it’s not my fault if your wheels get stuck here,” Ben said as R-6 rolled along, and together, they made their way to Tuanul.

A few of the villagers looked at him, curious, as he entered. It was a hut on the outskirts of it that interested him, though.

An old man came out of it when he was a few feet away. He was tall, his silver hair closely cropped and face wizened, and Ben halted.

He smiled. “Ah, Ben, so you came at last. Come on in,” he said.

“Leia did tell me you were going to be coming soon,” Lor San Tekka said, pouring up water for him.

“She… Hasn’t said I was to come here,” he said, taking a sip to hide his confusion. “I’m just here on Resistance business.”

The old explorer nodded slowly, eyeing him intently.

Ben shifted.

“Something pulled you then, did it?”

He snapped his head up to find the other man smiling just faintly.

“I might not be strong with it myself, Ben, but I know its ways. As does Leia. She knew you’d come here,” he said.

“I would come for what?” he asked, perhaps a bit too curtly.

Lor San Tekka looked at him, like he was waiting for something. Then, his brows rose.

“Oh, I thought you knew. You said you were here for the Resistance?”

“Look, I’m just delivering a few things for them, that’s all. What don’t I know?”

“There is a map to your uncle, a map I have. Leia wanted you to bring it back with you to the Resistance,” he said.

Ben pressed his lips together.

“I’m not going there, tell the ones I’m handing my cargo to to bring it back with them,” he dismissed it.

“Have you considered she might want to see you?” he said.

His eye twitched. “Then she could have decided that a few years ago,” he countered, getting to his feet. “I don’t want that map, alright? Thank you for your hospitality, San Tekka, but I have to go,” he said, trying to keep the roiling anger in him out of his voice. He wasn’t sure he was successful.

“Ben,” he said.

He paused in the doorway, and he was holding something. It was a memostick.

Ben glanced between him and his outstretched hand.

“Careful now, young Solo. You cannot deny the truth that is your family,” he said once he snatched the map from his grasp.

Ben stomped out of the village.

Stars above, Leia hadn’t spoken to him in years, and now she was laying out all sorts of little tasks for him to complete? How _fun_. He didn’t want that responsibility, didn’t want to concern himself with Resistance business.

Stalking back up into the freighter, he shoved the memostick into R-6’s storage compartment despite its complaints and flew further into the Kelvin Ravine.

“No, shut it off,” Ben said when the droid, being curiously, projected the piece of the map out into the cockpit. He looked at it, couldn’t really recognise the star systems around it, much less the one the dotted orange line led to.

“You really don’t listen to a word I say, do you?”

The droid chirped in protest, and shut the hologram off.

The great, baking sun had begun to lower itself beyond the horizon, the shadows growing longer and longer, stretching out from the top of the cliff that cambered above his head and deep into the ravine cutting into the barren landscape of the desert. It crunched as the undercarriage settled onto the rocks of the cooling desert, the engines whirring to their death, and once again his eyes raked over the radar, but it had a hard time getting a proper reading due to the cliffs intercepting with it. Huffing out a breath, he rapped it, but, not surprisingly, that didn’t make it improve.

It was odd; usually he didn’t feel this skittish. Ben knew he could handle himself, but fingered the holster strapped to his thigh regardless even though he knew the blaster was in there as he gave his cargo one last check, slapping the crates every now and then before he finally lowered the ramp of the freighter and headed out into the dusk.

In it, he saw that two other, smaller freighters were waiting beneath the protective shade of an overhang in the cliffs, and he cautiously headed for them.

R-6 and a BB-type droid rolled towards one another, beeping an exchange of information, and Ben let it.

“Solo,” one of the pilots said as he came out from the shadows, his dark eyes guarded, his handshake firm when they greeted one another.

“Dameron,” he replied.

Ben turned to the other pilot, her shiny black hair sticking out from underneath the hood as she stretched out her hand for him, and he shook it.

“Tico, Paige. About time you came, Ben, we were afraid you got cold feet,” she said, her lips curved upwards. “Run into trouble?” she asked gesturing to his face that still hadn’t healed entirely.

He frowned, running a hand through his hair as he headed back for his ship. “Usual smuggler business, I suppose,” he brushed it off, not wanting to discuss it with these people. “I’ll admit I was hesitant to take this job, but I’m not a coward. Now go and help me carry these things, I want to get off this junkyard as soon as possible,” he said before he began carrying the crates of parts from his freighter and into theirs.

“Relax, we chose this spot because it’s a junkyard. You’ll see no First Order patrols out here,” Paige huffed underneath the weight of the crate she was lugging.

“That’s for damn sure,” Ben admitted with a breathless chuckle.

“You’ll get paid when we’ve moved to the new base. First, you’ll have to escort the General, though. She’s going to Hosnian Prime,” Poe said.

His brows furrowed. “I didn’t hear anything about that. There’s a lot more people more qualified for that,” he said, trying not to squirm at the thought of having to be among the senators and politicians of the New Republic.

He shrugged as she said, “She said you should just come, the First Order’s been up to some shady business lately.”

“When aren’t they?” Paige interrupted in an exasperated tone.

“So we need to let the Republic know,” Poe finished, setting the last crate inside the storage compartment.

“The Republic’s useless, everyone knows that. The First Order isn’t going to play fair,” Ben said, shaking his head.

“Maybe, but we have to try going that way first, let them know what they’re up against,” he said, wiping his brow.

Scrunching his lips doubtfully to the side, he shrugged, not wanting to get into it. It was useless anyways.

“Either way, she said she would contact you to let you know where you’re supposed to meet,” Poe finished.

“Thanks again, Ben,” Paige said, “This’ll help us do a lot of good.”

“Sure,” Ben said, bidding Paige and Poe goodbye, watching their starships as they went up into the darkened sky.

Giving a sigh, he returned to his own freighter, headed back in, and cursed at the flashing red light on the dashboard. The hyperdrive was complaining again. That’s what he got for flying a rustbucket like this. Taking off before getting it fixed would be useless, and so Ben stomped back down the hall, removed the floor panel, and got to work after tying his hair back, wanting to get it fixed and himself off this planet as soon as possible.

Even though the transaction had gone smoothly, there was still an uneasy feeling that had settled heavily over him, it only growing worse by the minute. Maybe it was just the fact that the people he thought were his friends - or at least friendly colleagues of a sort - didn’t consider him more than a traitor with a foot in each camp, or that he’d had some weird vision, probably of the same person who’d tried to kill him when he was younger, earlier today, or that apparently everyone seemed to know more about what he was supposed to do than himself. Maybe that was why he was feeling so out of it.

With a clunk, the hyperdrive whirred back to life, and Ben hoisted himself up, replacing the panel before he headed for the cockpit. Seriously, had his mother just drawn up some to-do list he was to follow without even bothering to tell him about it?

He took his seat, flicking the switches overhead, and the engine thrummed awake. Clutching the stick, he considered if he really should leave now - as he honestly ought to - but that premonition had seized his gut and made it hard to leave this planet when he had so strong a feeling that something was truly wrong.

Not sure if it was the Force or just plain old gut instinct, Ben decided he could figure that out later, and instead of flying upwards and away, he sped over the dunes of the desert, following the insistent tugging that seemed to guide him, seemed to guide him back to Tuanul.

Tightening and loosening his grip around the control wheel, he veered left when his radar warned him of incoming ships. Cursing under his breath, he lowered the ship down further, landed it behind a jagged outcrop of stone, and prayed whoever those approaching starships belonged to hadn’t spotted him - even more so when even the outdated radar of the XS ID’ed them as belonging to the First Order.

He had a bad feeling about this, really bad. Groaning in frustration over himself, he turned to R-6.

“Look, I don’t know what’s about to happen, but I have to check it out, those villagers had next to nothing to defend themselves with,” he said.

The droid screeched at him, then rolled headfirst into his legs.

“Well, I do in fact have this, okay? And those guys ganged up on me, now I’ll see it coming,” he said as he patted the blaster. “And if it’s really the First Order out there, they can’t get their hands on that map. So, I need you to get away, as far away as you can, from here, if anything should happen to me, alright?”

R-6 toddled from side to side, beeping wildly.

“Yea, I know it’s stupid, don’t remind me,” he said, waited until it at last beeped a confirmation.

Slinging on his jacket against the rapidly cooling air of the desert, he ran out into the night, and already, Tuanul was lit up by blaster shots and the orange flicker of flames.

The tungsten staff hovered over the helm of the Electropod trooper. Her chest rose and rose and fell as she stared down at her defeated opponent, brow sweaty behind her mask as she twirled her weapon and reached her hand out for the trooper, helping her up.

“Speed, feinting,” she said curtly, sliding the staff into the holster on her back, kept in place by two crisscrossing black leather straps that sloped in diagonals over her chest, and Kira Ren looked out over the veteran platoon as her training partner walked back to her waiting comrades.

Rolling her shoulders, she eyed Phasma as the captain got to work, barking out orders, and the hall rang with the crackle that came each time the electropods clashed together.

Good. They were improving.

Kira found it improved morale when she worked with her troops, and why wouldn’t she want to train with them? Granted, she barely had any gain from it, but as the Praetorian guard were too close to Snoke to train with her and the rest of the high command of the First Order always seemed just a tad more irritated whenever she returned from one of her training sessions, it seemed like a good idea.

Besides, it did her good. Snoke had kept her on this starship for far too long for her taste, and she was growing restless. It didn’t make sense, really; usually, her master was willing enough to send her out on missions and otherwise let her do as she found useful - her presence wherever she went was usually a good tool for the First Order, be it for propaganda or executioner’s business - but now, it’d been weeks.

Today, though, today, it was different.

She recalled how she’d received his call in her chambers, how his croaky voice had rung out, and ordered her to intercept a possible edge the Resistance might end up having over them. Skywalker.

Though he’d isolated himself after that night eight years ago, he was still a too powerful Force-user to have him be left alive - especially so if the Resistance should get to him first.

Well, that little hope they probably had would be squashed soon, too.

Kira Ren saw the Allegiant General and Hux as she strode back for her quarters and wondered just what the redhead was doing on the Steadfast. He usually never strayed from the Finalizer except to survey the construction of the brand-new weapon he was so eager to tell Snoke of that he seemed like a pup just begging for its master’s attention. It certainly didn’t look like Pryde was happy to see him, either.

The two men had equally dogged looks on their faces, and despite their disciplined exterior, she saw at least Hux’s determined insistence and thinly veiled disdain for his superior.

“You ought to remember who is in charge here. If your memory has failed you, then allow me to remind you that you have no military authority, and even less so on my ship, Hux,” the older man said coolly. “Return to your ship, General, if you know what’s good for you.”

As she passed them, Hux stared at her with set teeth, and his pale cheeks reddened.

She couldn’t help but sneer, even if he wasn’t able to see her face.

Always so _busy_ , like a little ant working, working, working, and she knew it was because he had something to prove.

Pryde just eyed her with mild aversion as he always had, and she knew he harboured no warm feelings for her, for her lack of rank insignia on her clothes, nor for how she spent more time than him with the troops of the First Order.

Reaching her quarters, she removed the staff’s holster, hung it aside, and stretched her arms, flexing her fingers as she rolled her neck.

Something odd, a… Tingling, like the one you might get when someone was looking at you when you had your back to them, manifested itself at the base of her skull. She was alone, she knew as much. Regardless, years and years of training drilled into her, she turned.

A young man was in front of her.

She recognised him, though he’d been much lankier the last time she’d seen him. Still, that shock of raven-black hair and scattered moles were familiar, and his whiskey-brown eyes were as wide open in shock as they’d been back then.

There was a ring of fading purple bruise around the left one, though, and his bare torso bore the marks of some injury or other as well.

What’d happened to him?

Kira Ren stared at him, lips parting as she took a step forward.

Then, she reached out, lashing out with the Force, to stop him, to figure out what the hell he was doing and how he’d done it, but he raised his hand and shoved against her.

He was gone.

Pressing her lips together, she strode forwards, searched the spot where he’d just been, but he truly had disappeared.

Popping up in your enemy’s private quarters was a tactic that’d been used enough times, but doing so shirtless and unarmed while looking like you’d just come out of the shower? No, even the Resistance wasn’t that foolish. Besides, as far as she had been informed, Ben Solo wasn’t with the Resistance, had apparently abandoned the Senator’s path laid out for him a few years after the destruction of the Jedi temple, had taken up the one of his father instead.

So why had he appeared like that in front of her, not just as some ghostly vision or part of a hazy dream? Why did it look like she just might’ve been able to reach out and touch him, if she’d stepped a little closer? And more importantly, how had he done it? She’d only ever heard of Force projection. Was he really that powerful now?

Maybe, she thought, she’d be ordered to kill him again.

Phasma’s heavy footfalls followed her as she exited the Upsilon-class command shuttle, and her Stormtroopers fanned out to her left and right. Breathing in the cooling desert air, Kira Ren flexed her fingers as she took in the little village.

“Gather the villagers, bring me the priest, search the huts,” she ordered her Captain.

The other woman nodded. “Yes, Madam.”

She stood observing as her troops were ordered out. The inhabitants fought, some of them at least, and their screams reached her when they were ripped from their homes.

Igniting her sabre, she deflected a blaster shot, and, pushing with the Force, slammed the man who’d dared to fire at her into the wall of one of the huts. Limply, his body slumped. She cast an indifferent glance at him and watched as her troops as they tore through the village, then clipped the sabre back into her belt.

Where was that old man?

Eyeing the Stormtroopers as they kicked and shoved, one stuck out; three blood-red marks stood out starkly against the white of his helmet, and he seemed shaken. Taking notice of his identification number, Kira Ren strode out from the shuttle, a path opening up in the carnage as she walked, her black-clad figure moving silently in the night as the villagers were finally gathered in the square, cowering underneath the blasters of her troops.

Ah. There he was.

“Lor San Tekka,” she said coolly, her voice altered by the mask she wore, as a tall man was led before her by Phasma.

“The map to Skywalker. I know you found it.” She took a step towards him. “And now you’re going to give it to me.”

“I will do no such thing, as you already know,” the sage said, voice strained as he fought against the pressure she was applying against his mind. “It is not your knowledge to possess, Kira Ren, or should I call you Rey?”

Taken aback, her effort of extracting the information she needed weakened. She glanced over his shoulder at the soldiers who returned from their search of his home, and, when they shook their heads, she turned her attention back onto him.

The crimson sash about her waist fluttered in the faint desert breeze that made her black armourweave cape, lined with red, ripple about her ankles.

“That is a name of the past, old man,” she said, baring her teeth, redoubling her efforts as she stretched out her hand, taking another step closer as she probed deep into his mind.

“And yet, there was a time where that meant everything to you,” he said, slightly out of breath.

He really droned on, didn’t he?

Pressing her lips together, she breached his defences, saw what he’d done with the map.

Ben Solo had it.

Lowering her arm, her brows furrowed.

Lor San Tekka let out a sigh of relief, body sagging. Still, as her back was turned to him, he rasped out, “The past is not irretrievable, young Rey. There’s still time to break away from the First Order, from the Dark Side. You can continue what your parents started,”

Hands clenching at her sides, she glanced over her shoulder at him. The red eye slit of her helmet bore into his face, but he met her gaze unflinchingly.

Still, he cowered and raised his arms up in a fruitless attempt to protect himself as the scarlet blade of her sabre cut him through, and it gave only a hollow thud when his body hit the sand. The villagers screamed, the troopers had trouble keeping them in place, but once they fired one or two times into the crowd, it was subdued.

Snapping her head to the side, she sensed the shot before it hit her. She caught it in the air, the laser crackling, and just like it was frozen in place, so was its sender.

Ben Solo.

She almost couldn’t believe her luck. Just as Lor San Tekka had managed to hide the map from her, the carrier of it ran - quite literally - right into her grasp.

Dismissing the Stormtroopers that were moving to bring him to her, she instead walked up to the smuggler, close enough that she could pluck the blaster from his grasp.

The foolhardy anger resounded in the Force, rolled off of him in waves, the desperation, too - and yet, there was also spite.

Curious, really.

Eyeing him intently, she circled him once, and he tracked her with his eyes, though her grip on him didn’t slacken for just a moment.

Standing before him once more, she stretched out her hand, searched for him, delved into his mind that was oh, so vulnerable. Had no one taught him how to defend himself? She saw his meeting with Lor San Tekka, saw that the map had been handed over, and then, something slammed up, shutting her out.

Well, she would have enough time aboard the Finalizer to break those walls down.

Ben’s rigid body slumped as he fell unconscious. She caught him with the Force before he could land in the sand, and, raising him up, she headed back for the Upsilon shuttle with him floating behind her.

Phasma approached, the flames of the already partly destroyed village flickeringly reflected in her chromium armour.

“Inform General Hux that the interrogation chambers on the Finalizer should be kept ready for our arrival,” she said.

“Certainly. Madam, the villagers?”

Pausing, Kira Ren glanced over her shoulder, saw them cowering.

“Kill them all,” she said, tone flat and dead, and she heard the blasters shooting behind her as she went up the ramp of the shuttle. “And have FN-2187 checked,” she commanded to her captain.

“Understood,” the other woman said, “And the map to Skywalker?”

“We have what we need. He’s seen it.”


	2. Baptism of fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben wakes up in some First Order interrogation chamber, but what is in front of him isn't an interrogation droid. It's the woman who knocked him out on Tuanul. She doesn't seem very busy with extracting the map from him, though.
> 
> Kira Ren is curious to see how the boy she last saw in the driving rain has fared, now that he, for some inexplicable reason, hasn't continued his training to take advantage of the immense potential she knows lies within him.
> 
> Ben Solo is not the only one to be brought into a conflict they haven't asked to be a part of, and misery acquanits a man with strange bedfellows, as they say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi yes its canon that Kira Ren has just been sitting there for quite a while now just LookingTM at him

He’d definitely grown older - as had she. And he was not the same boy she’d seen on Takodana, or during that night at Luke Skywalker’s Jedi Temple. Not only was he no longer a boy; something else seemed to have changed. Even in deep sleep, his face seemed… Harder, somehow.

Looking over his attire, she found no sabre, no indication of him having honed the abilities she knew he had. He was completely untrained. Her brows knit together. Why hadn’t he? Of course, it wasn’t the immensity of his powers that had stopped her those years ago, but he couldn’t just have allowed them to lie dormant, could he?

Kira Ren looked over him once more, her arms resting on her knees as she sat crouched on the floor of the interrogation chamber. His dark lashes stood out against his skin, laid over the bruise on his face she knew she hadn’t caused, and, recalling how she’d seen him earlier, her thoughts again wandered towards just how that had been possible.

Only someone enormously powerful was able to perform telepathy over such distances, someone trained to do it. He’d been surprised, fearful, even. It didn’t make sense.

That certainly hadn’t been the case at Tuanul. Only a blaster had been confiscated, and yet he’d come charging at her with reckless abandon, as if he stood a chance against her. She gave a faint smile, amused.

Patiently, she waited for him to regain consciousness. It should be soon.

The smuggler started awake with a gasp, and even before he saw her, he was yanking at the restraints, a grunt of frustration coming from him when they weren’t budging.

Of course they weren’t, she’d put him in them herself.

He finally stilled when caught sight of her, lips parting as something flickered across his face, just for a fleeting moment, and then, his features hardened. He looked like he was used to it.

“Where am I?” he asked with hard-won composure as he looked at her.

She waited, took him in.

“You’re my guest,” she answered.

He scoffed, pulling at the binds once again. “That sure is one way to put it.” Eyes narrowing, his nostrils flared once she took a few steps closer. “You’re that woman, the one I saw this morning,” he hissed.

Ah. Then it hadn’t just been a very vivid sort of hallucination. She wondered how he felt about that. Confused, judging by his expression, and certainly like he hadn’t enjoyed it. Well, he had been more… Exposed than her.

“I am,” she conceded.

His brows twitched together, his entire body still rigid with tension. “Are you that girl?” he asked.

“What girl?”

“You know what I mean, I know,” he said with certainty, and she wondered how he felt so sure when it’d been such a long time ago - especially when he hadn’t been trained in the ways of the Force.

Feeling amused, curious as to what he had to say, as to how he’d react, Kira Ren activated the mechanism that made the bottom of her mask loosen. Slowly, she lifted it off her head, the swept back hair underneath falling down to just above her shoulders, face unmoving as she set it down. She didn’t flinch away as their gazes met, just looked deep into his.

His eyes widened, jaw clenching, and she sensed that same ripple along the Force as when he’d first spotted her.

She set the mask down, then circled him, and he craned his neck left and right to not let her out of his sight.

“I’m no longer that girl. And now, I think we’ve wasted enough time. You know what I brought you here for, what I want,” she said, coming to a halt by his side, but now, he was refusing to look ahead, instead facing straight ahead.

“You’ve seen me. Now, I think I should see you,” she mused, bending far enough down over him that their faces were barely more than a foot apart. The Force thrummed between them as she reached out for him.

He strained in his confinement but couldn’t get loose, his teeth bared as he fought against her prying presence.

Something surged through her, not pain, not specifically, but it was foreign enough that it made her pause.

He blinked, chest rising and falling in a quick rhythm.

“Don’t be afraid, I feel it too,” she mused, puzzled, and yet it only fuelled her curiosity. Now, she delved in, reaching out through the Force for him, for his mind, and it showed itself to her.

He ought to learn how to block this sort of thing out, she was hardly trying.

Ah, so he’d given the map to his astromech before he’d come charging at her. Well, no need for that, she could just see the map for herself. Something else came up, though.

“You never know where to go, do you? You hate to be there, with your mother, your father. So afraid to live up to them. You’ve really managed to convince yourself you chose to be on your own - and even that isn’t working out for you.” Kira scoffed as she saw how three of his fellow smugglers had been the cause for his injuries, and searched onwards. The veins on his neck stood out, his breathing laboured. She cocked her head to the side as she looked over his face, lips parting before she said, “So _angry, lonely_. No one wants you, not truly, wherever you go. Never home.”

Something shoved at her, in her head, and Ben fought, pushing her out, away, or at least tried to. Behind the anger in those dark eyes, the truth lurked too, though.

_Deeper._

“What is it you imagine?” she asked, voice soft, wanted to coax it out of him. “What is it you see? I… Hm, I see it, the praise, the recognition. Oh, I didn’t think Senator Organa could be so affectionate, even in someone’s imagination. She’s disappointing, I know. And quite the busybody. Why is she sending you out on all these petty errands when she hasn’t bothered to contact you all these years?”

He huffed out a breath but continued to stare straight ahead, panting through his teeth.

She straightened, walking behind him and stopping at his other side.

“Now, the map.”

“I’m not giving you anything,” he seethed, his black curls sticking to his forehead.

Her brow arched. He was good at denying truths, wasn’t he?

“We’ll see,” Kira said, her usually so blank expression revealing a small, yet confidently wry smile. She extended her hand towards him, eyes narrowing in concentration as his breaths got shallow and quick, but he stood his ground now.

A blockade lay over his mind, determined, impenetrable. Kira pushed, tried to pierce through it, work her way around it. Sweat formed on her brow, teeth grinding together.

His eyes closed, and he shoved, shoved with all he had, and, shocked, she took a step backwards, pulling out from his mind. Wholly untrained, and yet he managed to keep her out?

Brows knitting together, she tried again, but met only a wall where a sea of information should be openly laid out at her feet.

Looking far too cocky for someone in his situation, Ben huffed out a breath as he looked up at her, meeting her eyes unflinchingly, a triumphant glimmer in them, and she pressed her lips together.

“You’ll yield soon enough,” she promised him then, needing to regain her composure, took on her mask and left the interrogation chamber.

Ben slunk back into his confinements once the door shut after her, allowing himself to close his eyes for a moment or two as he got his breathing under control.

It’d surprised himself how he’d been able to shut her out, hadn’t even been fully aware that he was doing so until he was already doing it, and he wondered how he’d been able to. She was incredibly strong - stronger than he really cared to admit. Thank the stars he hadn’t given the map to her. And damn R-6 for showing it to him, he might never have ended up here if the droid had just taken the map and stored it away.

Then again, considering he’d fired at the leader of the company, he might as well just have been killed on the spot if he didn’t possess valuable information. She’d missed her chance all those years ago, she could be wanting to catch up to that.

He thought back on his droid, how he’d given the memostick to him and told him to just _get out of there_ , and he prayed it’d done so. Squeezing his eyes shut, he felt the ache in his body, the faint throbbing in his head, and exhaled slowly once, twice, before he looked around the room, trying to figure out if there was any way he could escape. He needed to get that map back. R-6 might be one of the most defiant droids he’d ever met, but he wasn’t exactly programmed for evading First Order troops, should they figure out that the memostick actually had been left on Jakku. Ben had a feeling that woman already found out.

He yanked with everything he had at the restraints, but his efforts only got him chafed wrists. Where was his jacket even?

Ben huffed, settling back into the binds, and stared up at the ceiling, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he tried not to think about what she’d said, not wanting to realise the truth of her words, and heat surged in his chest along with the sting.

Licking his lips, he blew his hair out of his face the best he could and wondered why she hadn’t tortured him. He’d felt pressure, immense pressure, against his defences, and he was drained of energy, but there’d been no _actual_ pain. And he’d heard more than enough stories from smugglers and other shady existences who’d been captured and tortured by the First Order to know it ought to be worse than this, even if those stories had been exaggerated - so why hadn’t she hurt him? And what had that meant, her, “I feel it too,”? And what had that been, that… Lurch in his chest? Why had that happened, along with the vision of her earlier, along with her attempt on his life all those years ago?

Figuring that those considerations could take up a lot of time to go through, Ben instead focused on the more pressing, hopefully solvable, problems at hand and bowed his head, searchingly wiggling his legs and arms for any weaknesses, but the restraints were screwed on too tight, and there was no one around in the interrogation room for him to talk to either.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, clenching and unclenching his hands, leaning forwards as far as he could to look at the closed door as he listened intently for any approaching footsteps.

Kira Ren kneeled in front of the hologram, her head lowered as Snoke’s coarse voice rang out, echoing in the cavernous chamber.

“Your incompetence surprises me. How could you let that droid escape?”

“He’s seen the map. He has everything we need,” she began explaining herself, but felt her master’s probing presence inside her mind, and every fibre of her being tensed against the invasion despite how he wasn’t even physically present, only a hologram more than enough to get through her defences.

“And yet,” he removed himself, “You cannot see it.”

“Despite being untrained, his powers are greater than I could have foreseen.”

“I have trained you ever since you were just a _child_. How is that _smuggler_ able to resist you?” he snarled, glaring down at her.

“I’ll get it out of him,” she swore, raising her head to look at her master.

“You’re too weak. You didn’t even hurt him. And you couldn’t either, when I sent you for him all those years ago. Nothing has changed, it seems. I’m disappointed in you, Kira Ren.”

Fury sizzled in her throat, and she fought to repress the shaking in her body it brought along, not mentioning the question of how in the world Snoke thought a twelve-year old was supposed to have killed just another child whom she didn’t even know.

Not that it mattered now.

“I will show no mercy,” she promised.

Snoke stared her down, his upper lip pulling up in a condescending, dismissive sneer. “As you should have from the very beginning. And unless you intend to kill that old Skywalker on your own, find that droid. Now go.”

Kira Ren rose to her feet, bowing her head as she said, “Yes, Supreme Leader,” while keeping the bile, the humiliation down. Ben Solo was going to pay for this.

Her gait was more than enough to warn the workers aboard Finalizer to stay clear of her. On the warpath, her hands clenched and unclenched beneath her black leather gloves as she walked, soon enough reaching the interrogation chamber.

Quickly surveying her captive, she took note that he stiffened at her entrance, even more so when the door slid shut behind her, and Kira Ren paused a distance from him, feeling the fear intermingled with raw defiance as he stared at her. She took note of the black hair sticking to his sweat-dampened forehead, the reddened wrists, fast pulse.

“You don’t even care for the Resistance. Why, exactly, are you trying so hard to protect them?” she asked, voice altered by the mask.

“It’s more a matter of pissing you off, actually,” he said, his eyes following her, head turning as she circled him.

Giving a frown at this foolhardy rebellion, she shook her head. “I see you still haven’t come to your senses, young Solo.” She halted her slow steps, stopping in front of him.

“At least I’m not the one hiding behind a mask. What’s the point? I know who you are, and you aren’t scaring me.”

She looked at him, unimpressed with his antics, just staying quiet. Knew he would babble.

“Why did you come for me while I was training with my uncle?” he demanded, his tone changing somewhat, barely perceptibly.

She gave no answer.

“Fine, then. Why haven’t you gone at me harder now, then? Or are you still scared? You couldn’t kill me back then, huh?”

How good he was at making assumptions. This wasn’t going to give her anything useful, was it?

“You know I can take whatever I want,” she said, raising her hand, her gloved fingertips merely inches away from his face as she reached out with the Force once more, and this time, she wasn’t holding back.

Ben went rigid in his restraints, a throaty groan coming from him as his head snapped back against the board, his hands clenching into fists. Hissing air out between his teeth, he squeezed his eyes shut against the pressure. The pain was slow to build, barely noticeable at first amongst all the rest, just pressure in the beginning as it had been before, and he panted shakily, forcing his eyes open to stare at that masked monster before him as the sinews in his neck stood out at the strain.

It was like staring into a crimson abyss, the slits in her mask impenetrable, and whatever grip he’d had on the world, he lost, and he fell, fell into an inferno of searing pain.

He only snapped back into his own body once he heard himself screaming. The agony was blinding, raw, and it rang in his ears as he tugged and tugged and _tugged_ , so desperate to get away from her, all previous cockiness abandoned in the hope that she would just _stop_.

She did.

She lowered her hand.

Removed her mask.

He could barely focus on her, his vision blurry, and his head sagged as he doubled over - until he felt the dead smoothness of leather grabbing his chin, tilting his face upwards.

Hazy, Ben’s brows knit together, jaw slack as he tried to look at her, and he found something odd on her face. Something regretful, just barely a trace of it, but there.

“You’re a worthy opponent, Ben Solo,” her soft voice said before she let go of him, leaving him hanging in his binds. Hesitating with her hand hovering above the switch for the door, she turned to look at him over her shoulder and, as she put on her mask, said, “The name’s Kira Ren. You ought to know it by now.”

The next thing he woke up to wasn’t any less confusing.

“Come with me, you’re being transferred,” a someone said, clad in the white armour of the First Order’s armies.

Ben almost toppled to the floor once the cuffs around his wrists and ankles were released. Giving a grunt as he stumbled, he shook off the hand that had grabbed his arm and supported him, only reluctantly allowing his hands to be bound back together in front of him as he was led out into the hallway by the Stormtrooper.

It was odd, why hadn’t they just let him fall? And why had they tried to help him up? Still disoriented, Ben licked his dry lips as they walked down the hallways, trying to think of some sort of escape plan - maybe he could overpower the trooper, take his blaster…

“This way,” his guard said, guiding him into what appeared to be a utility closet, and he didn’t have time to ask what the hell was going on before he pulled off his helmet, revealing another man with an expression that matched the desperation he himself was feeling.

“I’m getting you out,” he said.

Ben stared at him, eyes narrowing.

“Why?”

“Why? Because it’s the right thing to do.“ The Stormtrooper looked at him urgently. “We have to hurry before they figure out something’s not right-“

“You need a pilot, don’t you?” he interrupted.

The Stormtrooper was silent for a bit, then he pointed his lips. “I need a pilot.”

“Then you’ve got the right guy,” Ben grinned, not able to believe his luck - but that sure as hell didn’t matter now. “So, got a plan?”

“Yes. You still look the part of prisoner. I’ll take you to the hangar. Can you fly a TIE-fighter?” he asked.

“I’ll know when I get in one, but I’m pretty sure, yea.”

“ _Pretty sure?_ How the hell’s that going to get us out of here, hm?” he asked in a not to hushed whisper.

“Do you have any other pilots up your sleeve, huh?” Ben demanded. Would’ve put his hands on his hips if they hadn’t been cuffed together.

The Stormtrooper rolled his eyes, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he groaned. “Okay, fine, but you better make this work,” he warned.

“I will, don’t worry,” he said, then scanned his face, not sure why he trusted him so much when they’d just met quite literally five minutes ago. “I’m Ben,” he said, stretching out his hand. “What’s your name?”

“FN-2187,” he replied, taking his hand and giving it a shake with a somewhat uncertain smile.

“That’s not really a name, is it?”

“It’s the one I’ve got.”

“I’m going to call you Finn,” Ben said, “Alright? Because you need to man the cannons and that’s much quicker to say,” he joked, trying to keep his grin at bay.

“Finn,” he tasted the name, then nodded resolutely, a faint smile creeping up onto his face. “Finn. Yea, that’s me. And now we really should get going,” he urged, visibly tense, gaze fixed on the door to the hallway as footsteps went by.

Ben nodded, rolled his shoulders, and got back into the role of reluctant prisoner - it really wasn’t very difficult - as Finn put his helmet on and led him down the hallways once again, his heart beating a little too rapidly as they, too slowly for his taste, made their way to the hangar.

“Stay calm, stay calm,” Finn muttered quietly behind him as they came into the open space, Stormtroopers, mechanics and officers spread out and going along their way inside it.

“I am calm,” he hissed out the corner of his mouth.

“What? I’m talking to myself,” he replied as he led him onwards, and Ben had to fight not to laugh despite the rather dire situation they were in.

Headed for the steep walls to which the TIE-fighters were connected by fuel pipes, the hangar seemed to quiet down a little and, as it was much larger than those the Resistance had, no one paid much attention as the two of them hid in a nook in the wall. Finn removed the cuffs, and they exchanged a nod, locking eyes for a moment before he climbed up into the cockpit and took his seat.

Surveying the unfamiliar controls, Ben knew he had to get them out, and fast, if they were going to make it out of here alive. He heard him crawl in as well, it giving a dull thud as the hatch to the cockpit was closed.

“Why aren’t we going?” Finn asked behind him, manning the gunner’s position.

Ben pushed down the speeder, and they flew at full speed - until he was yanked forward, the seatbelt stopping him from slamming his head into the dashboard as the fuel pipe still latched onto the side of the ship kept them there. “Shit,” he mumbled, flicking any switches that looked just a tiny bit promising, seriously hoping luck would be with him just this once. “I’m trying.”

“What the hell, Ben?”

“I’m trying over here, I said,” he snapped, glancing up at the command bridge where a black-clad worker was pointing right at them, the TIE-fighter roaring hollowly as it swung back and forth like a fly on a string, still tethered to the hangar wall.

_Click._

They almost flew straight into the opposite end of the hangar as the pipe finally came loose. The red beam of a laser cannon narrowly missed them as he fought to straighten their course.

 _Damn_ this thing pulled. Ben slammed the speeder, was shoved back into his seat by the acceleration, and pushed forwards with everything the fighter could as more enemy fire was aimed their way.

“You’re not going to help out by shooting some of them?” he asked as they flew out of the hangar, veering left just as the pursuing fighters did before rolling downwards. Glancing at his radar, he saw that they were being hunted, and was very aware that just his manoeuvres alone wouldn’t be enough to get them out of this unscathed.

“This is very different from a blaster,” Finn snapped, and he could hear him shuffling back there, obviously trying his hardest.

“And this is very different from the rustbuckets I usually fly, but it still works. Use the tracker, or you won’t hit anything,” he instructed, yanking the stick back, and the TIE looped in the air. “I’m gonna get us behind it, it should get you a clear shot,” he yelled over the howl of the engine, and as the ship came up behind the other fighter, the cannons thrummed as Finn finally figured out how to use them - and boy did he do it well.

They flew through the ruins of the destroyed craft, and Ben cheered.

“I got him!” Finn yelled.

“You did! Good job!” he agreed. Ben looked over his shoulder and both of them were grinning, exhilarated from the surge of adrenaline set off by their risky escape, their unlikely success. Turning back, he quickly tried to figure out where the second fighter was.

The whole ship jostled as a shot grazed them.

“Fuck,” Ben mumbled, flicking the switches to try and get rid of the blinking red light that too clearly showed that something was wrong. How did you turn the shields on?

“I can’t fire anything, it isn’t working,” Finn said urgently.

He wiped the sweat off his brow with his forearm, snapping his head to the side and craning it left and right, peering out the panes of the cockpit to try and find their pursuers, whose numbers he still didn’t know, and veered left.

“I’m aware, I’ll try to manoeuvre our way out of it,” he said through clenched teeth, straining as the G-force pushed him back in his seat.

“There’s three more after us, how the hell are you going to _manoeuvre_ your way out of it?!”

“Have you got _any_ better ideas, pal?” Ben sniped back at him, flitting an unsteady course together as the green beams flew all around them.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting us to hyperspeed so we can get out of here, isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Hyperspeed? Now? We’ve got a damaged wing, it’s not going to make it!” Finn protested.

He pressed his lips together, prayed to whatever entity might listen, and pushed ahead the throttle. They shot forwards, the stars whirling by in a tunnel of blue-white flickering light, and Ben couldn’t help but cheer wildly. Behind him, he heard Finn laughing wheezily from relief, and he slunk into the seat, allowing his eyes to close for a moment or two, still smiling faintly as his pulse slowly began to lower itself.

“You better not say I told you so,” Finn chuckled with relief.

Giving a snort, he glanced back at him, reaching for the lever again. “I’m tempted, though,” he mused, and the empty space around them popped back into clear view as they made the jump.

“I have to get something on that planet,” Ben said, eyeing the desert wastelands that were Jakku, the globe having come suddenly into view as they’d exited hyperspeed..

“What? No, no, we have to get out of here as soon as possible, the First Order kills deserters! And I’m not sure what they do with escaped prisoners, but I’m very sure it isn’t good,” Finn said.

“I’m aware. I’m gonna be fast, I promise,” he said, making for the planet, brows knitting together as the control panel began blinking red again - and this time, it wasn’t just a few of the buttons that cried alarm. It was all of them. It beeped insistently. Very loudly.

“Uh, Ben? I’m no pilot, but I don’t think it’s supposed to make that sound.”

“Oh, _come on!_ ” He tried everything, pushing the speeder, steering the ship, trying to stabilise just some part of the navigating system, and nothing worked. A pilot he was, but no matter how good you were, you couldn’t save a sinking ship. And this TIE-fighter was definitely going down. And fast.

They began falling through the atmosphere.

The metal frame shook violently, and he bit down hard to keep his teeth from chattering together or biting off his tongue as the motor gave out completely, and they began their unmoderated descent towards Jakku. Ben tried one last time to, quite literally, kick the vessel into gear, but, unsurprisingly, it was useless, and they only picked up speed.

“Finn, for whatever it’s worth, it was nice meeting you. I hope it won’t be the last time,” he said as the metal groaned around them.

The other man was silent for a bit. “You too, Ben.”

He fumbled around by the side of his seat as they spoke, letting out a grunt of relief once he found the handle for the emergency ejection seat. Straightening, the dunes of the desert now discernible from the surface of the planet, Ben quickly tried to instruct him before it was too late.

“Finn, grab the grip under your seat, it should be on your right!” he yelled over the deafening roar of the creaking, falling ship.

The smoke from the busted engine made him cough and his eyes water, and he could do nothing more than cross his fingers and hope that they could make it out alive. Both of them. Squeezing his eyes shut and holding his arm over the bottom half of his face, he pulled the lever and shot up into the air, the wind whipping his hair around as a sinking feeling settled too heavily in his stomach. A swath of cloth billowed up ahead, it catching the air and slowly letting him float downwards.

There was no other parachute that folded out beneath him as he glided through the scorching, dry air, too slowly, too gently compared to the sight of the burning, smoking wreckage beneath him. Unable to steer where he was going, Ben had to sail along, twisting his head this way and that for one last glimpse of the crash site before it got out of sight. Clenching the straps keeping him attached to the chute, he swallowed, conscience blackened by guilt. He should have gotten him out alive; he owed Finn that much for getting him away from the First Order. Instead, he’d just repaid him with death, hadn’t he?

The flames licked up the inside of her ribcage, her hands clenching into fists.

“I’m afraid I couldn’t hear you,” she said, voice soft. Ominously so.

The officer was silent for too long behind her until he finally found the guts to speak up. “The prisoner was aided in his escape by someone from within. It’s not yet confirmed, but we fear that it was FN-2187 who helped him.”

The Stormtrooper from the village. The one she’d sensed hesitation in.

“And our fighters did not manage to intercept them?” she asked, slowly turning to face him, unfolding her hands from behind her back. They were itching to reach for her sabre.

His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “No, Madam. The fugitives’ whereabouts unfortunately remain unknown-“

His boots scraped rhythmically against the floor as he was dragged towards her, his throat landing into her outstretched palm, and beneath her mask, her teeth were bared as she hissed, “Then _find_ them.”

Utter and true terror shining from his eyes as he looked down at her while he choked, Kira Ren waited as the fury burned hotly through her veins. Though seeing his fear didn’t soothe much, it did indeed ease just the sharpest surge of frustration, at least for a moment.

She flung him aside and he crumpled on the floor, gasping for breath, coughing, clutching at his collar, and his hacking disgusted her.

Storming out of the room, vision white with rage, she ignited her blade, it thrumming hotly along with the Force that welled into her, and she swung it with all her might at the panels lining the now empty interrogation chamber. The metal sparked and melted upon contact, every slash leaving behind a red-hot gash, and she struck and struck again and again until she was heaving for breath and the walls were a mangled mess, utterly destroyed.

They needed that droid as much as she did. Even if Ben Solo wasn’t fond of the Resistance, he would not let the First Order get hold of such an important piece of information that would lead to the aid the weakened Rebels needed so desperately. He and that quisling would surely be on that junkyard to retrieve his astro-droid.

They were on Jakku.

Her sabre turning off with a whoosh, she clipped it back into her belt, raised her head, and strode towards the hangar, the few workers she passed quickly shuffling off to the side out of her path.

Armitage Hux did not.

“Out of my way,” she snarled with no intention of slowing down.

“On your way to fix your mistakes?” he asked, eyes alight with conceited smugness.

“On my way to fix the mistake one of _your_ soldiers made,” Kira Ren said, not sparing him a glance as she slammed him into the side of the corridor. She didn’t stop to hear his sputtering protests.

Upon arrival, her Captain was waiting for her by the Upsilon command shuttle.

“Madam.”

“Phasma. Jakku.”

“Yes, Madam,” she said with a nod, following her up the ramp.

Kira Ren shot a glance over her shoulder, just saw Hux practically fuming at the mouth as he pushed the Stormtroopers who’d come to help him up aside, and a snide smirk curved her lips upwards before the entrance closed. Still, the satisfaction didn’t last long enough for the impatience to be drowned out.

The hyperspeed flight back to Jakku took, no matter how brief, too long. She was up and about, had been for a while already, as the vessel began its landing sequence. If it hadn’t been for the crew of it watching, Kira Ren would’ve jumped out before it could even land, knowing she could use the Force to soften her fall, but despite the urgently itching need to retrieve back what she needed, she walked down the ramp out into the scorching hot desert with a calmness she didn’t feel at all - and it wasn’t just because Snoke would scourge her if she failed.

Before her lay the still-smoking ruin of the stolen TIE-fighter, soot-blackened wings shoved deep into the sand, the panes of the cockpit shattered, shards of glass scattered about the crash. Kira Ren stepped forwards, scouting the ground for human remains, but apart from some dried blood on the gunner’s seat - the pilot’s was gone, ejected - there was none to be found. Straightening up, she surveyed her surroundings, the billowing dunes stretching out endlessly all around her. Something broke the monotony of the undisturbed surface, though; a set of footsteps, only shallow indentations, and yet they left a clear trail behind.

She turned, heading back inside the shuttle. “Follow that track. And scan for the ejected seat, I want it found,” she ordered.

Limbs leaden with exhaustion, head throbbing from a mix of dehydration and the aftermath of the rough interrogation he’d gone through, Ben wasn’t at the top of his game. Having climbed hill after hill that just crumpled beneath his feat, making getting forwards just all the more draining, he still hadn’t found the crashed TIE-fighter, and he was beginning to feel too certain that his companion hadn’t made it.

The only thing he could do was just to get R-6 back and then get the hell away from this backwater outpost and back into hidden safety - at least just until he had to accompany his mother to the meeting on Hosnian Prime, for whatever reason she’d thought up this time. It didn’t make sense, but frankly, there were too many other things that were more pressing on his mind for the moment, and speculating - and dreading - her summoning him could wait.

First, he could blame himself that he’d yielded the map to that woman, that Kira Ren, as she called herself. He’d held out the first time, so why hadn’t he been able to the second? Had he just not tried as hard? Or hadn’t she given it her all in the beginning? That didn’t make sense either. Scratching at the dried blood on his forehead that fell off in rust-red flakes, he began walking up another dune.

Second, he could blame himself for the wreckage with the missing friend in it. If he’d just been a better pilot, had gotten them out faster… Finn had been a good man, too. Just wanted to get out, same as himself, and he even broke out of a safe situation whereas he himself didn’t really have anything to lose by trying to flee. If he could, he would honour him, if anything then at least to get rid of the guilt clutching at his guts and conscience. How, he hadn’t figured out yet, but he would. He always thought of something. This time, he would, too.

Hopefully finding R-6 wouldn’t turn out to be too difficult. Stars know what could’ve happened to him on this junkyard of a planet, he could only hope some scavenger hadn’t picked him apart and sold him off as spare parts for a bit of petty cash. The droid had hopefully gone to some form of settlement or other, he’d be far too vulnerable out in the open. Maybe he’d managed to make it out of Tuanul unscathed.

Reaching the crest of the hill, a breath of relief slipped past his lips once he saw the few scrappy buildings of Niima Outpost, streets somehow alive with people. Ben allowed himself a moment or two of rest, cursed again at only having an empty holster at his side, and then began his descent down the jagged, crumbling cliff that towered over the small city. And where was his jacket? Not that he needed it right now, but it’d been with him for a while. Maybe he was getting sentimental.

Legs tired, he pressed onwards, scanning the sky. He had a strong feeling the First Order were hot on their trail. It didn’t seem like it’d been part of Kira Ren’s plan to let him escape, even if she had gotten what she wanted. He could only hope he wasn’t bringing too many people in danger by having let his defences get broken down. Had he even had a chance to withstand, though, against someone so powerful? It’d been… Ben bit the inside of his cheek, a shudder running through him at recalling it. His mind hadn’t been dug into like that since his uncle had burst into his room as the Jedi temple crumpled around them after the girl who’d turned out to be Kira Ren had come for him.

His hair sticking to his sweaty temples, Ben’s concerns churned onwards as he reached the edge of town, but only at the back of his head. He needed to focus, and, squinting, he surveyed the few people still out, the worn cloth of a canopy providing some shade for cleaners waving gently in the breeze, but there wasn’t a whole lot of droids to be found. At least not whole ones. Of course, if R-6 had just been faffing about out in the open, he would’ve done a very bad job of staying hidden indeed, and so he straightened his back, heading for the cleaning station.

Crones were seated under the canopy, scrubbing away at old parts, their faces wrinkled and worn like old leather, and he hesitated before walking up to one of them.

“Excuse me, have you seen an astromech droid? It’s a green and white R-6 unit…” he trailed off as she dismissively shook her head, and he gave a tight smile and nod before going on his way. Running a hand through his hair, he turned left and right, saw a young girl heading inside a building. A queue had formed up outside of it, and, brows furrowing, he went in as well, trying not to be too concerned with the dirty looks he got or just how poor those waiting looked.

A mountain of an alien was inside behind a counter, his fleshy chin wobbling as his coarse voice cut through the shuffling of feet and clanking of metal.

“Next! Hm… This is worth… Two portions,” he said, and the man next in the queue stepped up to the counter at the same time as Ben.

“Sorry, I need to talk to him,” he said, shooting the man an apologetic look, and hurried on before he could protest too much.

“Hey, I need to know if you’ve bought a droid recently. An R-6 unit, green, white, kind of rusty?”

Unkar Plutt eyed him suspiciously. “Why are you interested in that? You’re not a scrapper,” he said.

“Well, that’s because it’s mine, and I need it back,” he answered, eyes flitting over the mountain of parts and somewhat disassembled droids behind him.

“No, it’s not, it’s _mine_ , and unless you have something to pay for it with, you’re not getting it,” Unkar Plutt thundered.

Ben groaned internally, setting his hands on the counter. “Look, I’m gonna pay you, but the thing is, I’m in a hurry right now, so if we could just sort of do that later, it’d be great-“

“Get out!”

He spotted R-6 at the edge of the pile. “Right, but-“

“ _Get. Out!_ ” he roared, and a bit of spit landed on his cheek.

He winced. Wiping it off, Ben nodded, raising his hands in defeat, and someone from within the queue shoved him aside so he almost stumbled. Seemed like he wasn’t as adept at sweet-talking as his father.

Leaving the plot, he was back out in an alleyway of sorts, and he leaned his back against the wall, tipping his head back and letting his eyes slip shut for a moment or two as he tried to think of a plan. Even if he hadn’t gotten R-6 out, at least he now knew that the droid was in that man’s possession. Okay. So, it was just getting it out he needed to do. Letting out a hopeless chuckle, he shook his head and rubbed a hand over his face. There wasn’t a lot of time.

Pushing himself off the wall, he turned in the direction of the low thrum of an incoming starship. Fear seized his chest until he saw the aircraft in question, saw that it wasn’t a model from the First Order, and his brows furrowed.

He’d seen that ship before. Just a day ago, actually. What in the world was Poe doing, going back here?

Ben walked, gaze fixed on the freighter as it descended, and he began running, half relieved, half confused and wondering what the hell the other pilot was doing. He wasn’t Resistance. Reaching the freighter, Poe stepped out, scanning his surroundings, and his jaw dropped at the sight of him.

“Solo? I thought…”

“Why did you come back here? The First Order’s literally around the corner,” Ben asked, not sure if he really wanted his help.

“Yea, trust me, I know. I needed to figure out what happened to you. You’re not exactly a nobody. Paige and I just heard Tuanul’s distress signal. And we hadn’t seen you leave yet. What happened? You don’t exactly look like you had a good time,” Poe said.

“That’s because I didn’t, but it was a whole lot better compared to how the villagers fared. The First Order came, with Stormtroopers. Just… Rounded them up and killed them all. Captured me, when I tried to do something.” He pressed his lips together, saw the other man’s face fall.

“Everyone?”

“Everyone.”

He paused for a few seconds, shaking his head.

“How did you get out?”

“I had help. A deserting Stormtrooper, Finn. I’d still be their prisoner if it wasn’t for him.”

“Where’s he now?”

“I don’t know. Our ship crashed, I never found the wreckage,” Ben explained, met Poe’s eyes, saw the same fear he felt mirrored there. “I… Do need your help, though. Before Tuanul was destroyed, an old friend of the Resistance gave me something. Part of a map, leading to Skywalker.”

“Skywalker? We’ve been looking for that map for ages, Ben, _please_ tell me you still have it,” Poe said, looking so infinitely tired when Ben gave his best smile.

“Well, you see-“

“Where is it?”

“In there.” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “Some scrapper-king has the droid I stored the memostick in. I wouldn’t let BB-8 out of your sight if I were you, these people are savages when it comes to finding sellable parts,” Ben warned, shooting the droid a meaningful look. It went and cowered behind Poe’s legs, its head sliding down so it could still peer out at him.

Poe nodded. “Right. I’ll go in there, pretend to try and sell BB-8-“

The droid gave a series of distressed beeps.

“Hey, I said _pretend_ , I’m not gonna sell you,” he assured it, then resumed, “And you’re going to bust your droid out of there. And then I distract him enough so you have time to run for it. Alright?”

“Alright,” Ben replied with a nod. At least it was some kind of plan.

“Good. And be quick about it,” he said, brushing over the handle of his blaster before he went in.

Ben waited a moment or two, then went in after him, sticking to the walls of the shop as the pilot went up to the counter and began to bargain with the alien.

“I won’t sell for any less than a hundred portions,” Poe argued.

“One _hundred_ portions? You are out of your mind, no droid is worth that much. He’s all scratched up, too,” Unkar Plutt protested, and, as he seemed to be thoroughly distracted, Ben dodged towards the pile, trying to be as quiet as possible.

Reaching R-6, he glanced up at them to make sure they were still occupied, then began tugging at the blockers attached to the droid’s front. They didn’t go off that easily, and Ben’s heart was beating quite rapidly the more time passed and the damn things still weren’t letting go. Digging his nails under it, he found that it didn’t work either, and, briefly making eye contact with Poe who raised his brows urgently at him as he threw up his hands in exasperation while continuing to bargain, he made a decision. Grabbing some sort of pipe from the parts pile, he knocked the blockers off with a loud clang.

Unkar Plutt immediately turned around, wrath burning in his tiny eyes.

R-6 whirred awake.

“Sorry, rough morning. We’ve gotta run!” Ben said, doing just that, and the droid following, beeping profanity at him.

“Thieves! Thieves! Stop them!” Unkar Plutt roared.

Poe came up beside him as they sprinted towards the freighter.

It went up in flames with a loud boom as they were halfway there.

“This is _not_ what I needed today,” Poe hissed, taking his blaster, looking up at the sky where a black, sleek starship just glided past, but it was already halfway turned around and looking to be heading their way again.

“Madam, the tracks-“

“I’ve seen him,” Kira Ren said, casting the figure clad in the white armour of Hux’ soldiers a glance before she continued, “Continue. The deserter can be dealt with later. The map is more important.”

As they flew over the Stormtrooper who was staggering along in the dunes at the outskirts of Niima outpost, she saw movement at the corner of her eye, and fixed her gaze on the craft that was landing at the edge of town, it merely a dot in the sky and not yet close enough for her to be able to determine its class.

“Scan that starship,” she ordered, tracking it as it descended.

“It’s a light freighter type. It seems it’s carrying cargo,” her pilot answered.

Beneath her mask, her brows furrowed. Someone _landing_ with goods? The only thing people were interested in here was sucking whatever little life remained on this planet out of it until it ran dry, or getting away from it. Besides, in her gut, she knew it was connected to her mission at hand. Casting one last glance at FN-2187 as the shuttle cruised over him, Kira Ren turned, heading for her compartment as she said, “Shoot it down when it’s in range.”

“Yes, Madam.”

Hands clenched by her sides, she stood as the doors slipped shut behind her, and just briefly, she hung her head, allowing herself a moment to gather herself and try to tame the roiling turmoil that roared inside her. This, this felt more important than it ought to. Failing Snoke would be humiliating, yes, and the Resistance finding Luke Skywalker wouldn’t be good, either, but she knew that she would if not be able to surpass, then at least nearly match his strength. Snoke had honed her into a lethal weapon. Once she tapped into the well of wrath that kept her awake at night, she was unstoppable, and she knew as much. But it would be a setback, and if anything, Kira Ren wanted to make that cowardly General bitch pay for what she’d done.

Snapping her head to the side at the sudden lurch, she raised her hand to her chest where she’d felt it, the ghost of triumphant cheeriness, but there was nothing save for the barren walls of her compartment, nothing to have sparked the feeling she recognised as not being her own. Clenching her jaw, she felt the vibrations of the cannons reverberate up through the soles of her boots, heard the boom, and knew her order had been executed. Now, there was just the chase.

Re-entering the control room. Straightening, she walked to the backs of the two pilots’ seats as the ship turned. Leaning forwards to get a better look at what was happening below, she waited impatiently as the course straightened and the two figures again came into view. And there were two droids with them. Lips peeling back from her clenched teeth, the frustration pulsed hotly in her, almost unbearably so.

“Turn back around. We need the droid, unharmed. Don’t shoot after them, but strike their ship down, should they find a new one,” she said, voice hoarse with the strain of keeping herself in check.

“Should there be sent troops to chase them, since we need the droid?” Phasma asked.

Kira Ren considered it, gaze locked on the two running men sprinting towards some rustbucket at the edge of Niima Outpost. She recognised it as a YT-Model freighter, had seen it before, just a few times during her stay with Maz Kanata.

They passed over it again, the atmosphere tense as they awaited her orders. It went against her grain to let others handle this.

“Knock that starship down. We’ll take them once it’s crashed.”

Circling the freighter, Kira Ren observed as they ran inside, the droids following up the ramp, and blinked in surprise as the old thing’s motors actually turned on. Impressive.

For Force’s sake. Cursing under his breath, Ben would gladly have preferred to have another try at finding a useful craft to flee in, but apparently, the universe wasn’t on his side, and so he stepped into his father’s infamous Millennium Falcon and could only pray it would actually turn on. R-6 rolling up behind him, he slammed the button that made the ramp go up and heard a whoosh overhead. He presumed it was that command shuttle diving down for them again, and briefly, fear made his already dry throat feel even more like sandpaper. They were definitely going to get blown up, no question about it.

But then they didn’t.

“Solo, get your ass in here, I need a co-pilot if this thing is gonna be able to fly anywhere, you’re supposed to know this ship!” Poe yelled from the cockpit, and Ben skidded around the corner as the engines whirred alive beneath him. Inside, he found Poe in the seat where Han had been so many times, and he hesitated before he sat down next to him, flicking on the switches with a familiarity he didn’t care to admit he had.

“Why aren’t they shooting us down?” he asked.

“Don’t care, and I’m not about to ask them,” Poe said curtly as the ship began raising itself off the ground.

“Good point,” he agreed, and they took off, just barely high enough up, skimming along the sand. The tail end scraped along, bobbed once, twice, and Ben grit his teeth together at the sound of the protesting metal. “Mind actually piloting?” he asked, the other man giving him a dirty look in return. Just then, he slammed back into his seat as the Falcon rose almost vertically, narrowly missing the cliff that lay a little way off from Niima Outpost.

Ben’s eyes widened at what - or rather who - he saw at the top of it, and his chest unclenched somewhat with relief.

“Wait, stop!” He craned his head around as Poe, albeit confused, and made a wide turn.

“That’s Finn, we have to get him on board,” he urged, already readying the landing sequence.

“Are you out of your mind? Do you not see the First Order quite literally right behind us?” Poe said.

“I’ll man the cannons, just get there long enough to land for a moment or two, I can drag him on board,” he said as he went, heard him curse as he began circling back around.

Strapping himself in, Ben quickly got the cannon warmed up, which was quite necessary as the black Upsilon was firing at them, and while their aim wasn’t perfect, it certainly wasn’t bad, either. By a hair’s breadth, a green blast just missed the glass canopy below him. Ben flinched at the bright light but gathered himself and used a few seconds to get used to how the seat moved with him as he took aim and started to repay the fire.

Just enough time to be able to land was all he needed to buy them. Just enough to get his rescuer on board with them. He owed him as much, and he didn’t like being indebted.

As they swivelled, Ben aimed straight at them, but their shields deflected every shot he fired at them.

“Poe?” he called when he realised this wasn’t going to work, “Are you as reckless as they say?”

“Depends on what your plan is,” he replied.

“Mind trying to slam into it? Just graze it, give them a scare. Their shields, and their cannons, are far better than ours,” he said as he shot another salvo at them, and still to no avail.

There was a pause before Ben saw the Falcon turn and begin to pick up speed, the motor humming wildly as it was pushed to its limits. Poe feinted avoiding collision by veering left, but instead plunged right.

The metal screeched as the side of the heavy freighter scraped against the outstretched wing, the whole ship shaking. Even from down here, he could hear the alarms crying out in protest, and silently apologised, not so much to his father as to the ship itself.

“Now!” Poe shouted, and Ben was already unstrapping himself to sprint down the hallways, narrowly missing ramming into BB-8 and R-6 who seemed to be having a heated conversation, their beeps growing increasingly shrill. He jumped out as soon as the gap between the bottom of the ship and the ramp was wide enough, did a roll to cushion his fall.

Great. There was going to be sand everywhere.

Glancing over his shoulder at the shakily flying enemy craft as he kneeled down beside Finn, he grabbed his collar and hoisted him up over his shoulder with a grunt. The Falcon hovered just above the sand. Ben laid him down onto the ramp as carefully as possible considering the quite pressing urgency of the situation, climbed onto the ramp himself, cursing as he hauled the Stormtrooper inside while yelling at Poe to punch it.

The Resistance pilot did just that.

Having to hold onto the side, he almost lost his balance, but he couldn’t exactly blame him for flying recklessly. That, if nothing else, they at least had in common.

Barely coherent, Finn still lit up as he looked up at him while he was busy getting as many damp towels on him as possible, now able to treat him as they’d jumped to hyperspeed and were out of range of the First Order.

“Ben?” he slurred, and he quickly pushed him back down onto the cot as he tried to get up.

“Yea, it’s me, and you better stay down, alright? I think you have heat stroke,” he said, eyeing his ashen-looking skin with some concern.

Finn laid back down quickly enough, too weak to protest much anyways, and his jaw clenched, his eyes squeezing shut.

“Gonna puke?” he asked.

“No,” he replied through clenched teeth.

Ben slowly nodded, silently emptying a toolbox and setting it next to where he was lying.

“I want to believe in you, I really do,” he said doubtfully, then asked, “How did you get all the way to Niima Outpost?”

“I didn’t manage to eject my seat like you. You could’ve told me that was an option a little earlier, you know,” Finn said, turning his head towards him. “I got out of the crash somehow. It was burning all around me when I woke up, I guess the fall knocked me unconscious, but then I had to find you. So I started walking.”

“Good thing you walked in the right direction, then,” Ben said lightly, feeling ashamed he’d even considered leaving the planet without Finn.

“Don’t you want to get that scorched armour off, buddy?” Poe asked, leaning on the doorway of the crew’s quarters, referring to the soot-covered white uniform of the Stormtroopers. “I’m sure we can find you something else. Good to meet you, by the way” he said, walking across the small room to stretch out his hand for him, “I’m Poe Dameron. Resistance pilot.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed slightly. Poe certainly was being more open than usual. Or maybe he just didn’t like him specifically.

Finn took his hand and shook it, silent for a moment and not letting go until he said, “I’m FN-2187. Stormtrooper - or formerly.”

Poe shot him a look. “I thought you were Finn?”

“I thought of it on the go,” Ben chimed in.

“Do you want to go by Finn?” Poe asked, focusing on him again.

His grin was boyish as he said, “Yea. Finn’s good.”

“Sure is much less clunky. Well, Finn, you’re a good man, getting Ben out like that. We’re going to the Resistance base, you can figure out what’s next for you then. We could use someone like you, though,” he said earnestly, letting the handshake end.

Ben perked up, brows furrowing. They were going to D’Qar already?

It wasn’t exactly because he’d missed it on Jakku, with the oppressing heat and all, but now, he wondered where his jacket was. Probably thrown out on that star destroyer. He could’ve used it now, as he tried to fall asleep in the cot across from Finn’s, Poe’s breathing already deep and steady - there was much to be jealous of Poe of, and his ability to fall asleep quicker than you could snap your fingers was one of them - and the former Stormtrooper, weary and still recovering, had slipped into a slumber even before the two pilots had come into the crew quarters after setting the hyperspeed course for the Ileenium System and letting the old freighter run on autopilot. Both BB-8 and R-6 would surely come charging in if there was any reason for alarm.

Rolling over onto his back, Ben stared blankly up at the ceiling, not at all tired despite how he wanted to be. Well, he was tired enough. It was more the knot in his guts along with the gnawing confusion and doubt that kept him tethered to consciousness when he just wanted to escape it for a little. He tugged the dusty-smelling, scratchy blanket up to his chin, head still aching somewhat from both the probing he’d been subjected to as well as the hit he’d taken once the seat from the stolen TIE-fighter had made a rough landing in the rocky desert terrain. Feeling along the cut that went into his hairline, the bumps of the scab, he ran a hand through his hair and folded his arm beneath his head, tipping his feet up and down for a bit before he turned over onto his side, now looking into the wall.

He didn’t want to think about that woman, that Kira Ren, why she’d come for him. He’d become a smuggler to escape all that, didn’t want to be just another pawn in Leia’s war, and, with a sinking feeling in his stomach, he feared that was about to happen despite his best efforts. He huffed out a breath. Seriously, she couldn’t just contact him and for once in her life actually tell him what the hell was going on, why she all of the sudden had decided that now was the time to involve him with the Resistance?

At last, his eyelids grew heavy enough for him to be able to fall into an uneasy sleep. Hazy images and echoing voices, some familiar, some not, kept coming to him, but he refused to see, hear, clearly. He wanted nothing to do with it at all.

The last bit, the only picture he could recall when the sound of Poe and Finn chattering woke him up, was of that Kira Ren as she turned to look over her shoulder, driving rain dripping from the edges of her mask, the spearhead in a formation of seven. Goosebumps rose from the base of his spine, travelling up until it reached his head.

Ben quickly got up once he realised this, and it seemed as if he was giving himself away since Finn said, “Woah, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Are you alright?”

Giving a curt smile as he shoved his boots on, he nodded. “Yea. I’m just gonna check on our course,” he said, paused in the doorway, then asked, “And you?”

“Much better already,” Finn replied more genuinely than he himself could, and so Ben went to the cockpit where he checked things that were already perfectly managed, the stars whizzing by creating a tunnel of light he wondered if he could disappear in somehow.

Behind him, he heard the mechanical whirr and clunky weight of R-6 and turned in his seat to give his droid a pat, and it beeped quietly at him.

“Yea, I don’t know either. We’re just gonna have to find out when we land,” he mused tiredly, turning his head once the dashboard blinked, and he shut off the autopilot. Eyeing the green-blue planet of D’Qar that came into view once they’d made the jump from hyperspeed, he silently dreaded what was waiting for him on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you're still enjoying reading this story so far! This is just a little note from me to say that I am very open to constructive criticism, so if you feel like something isn't working in this fic, I'd really love to hear the feedback from you!
> 
> I wish that you all stay safe and healthy during these strange times. May the Force be with you, and take care!


	3. Blot on the landscape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira, seeking to distract herself from the humiliation of being scolded by Snoke in front of Hux, is happy to take up the challenge of bringing a riot on some mining planet back under control.
> 
> Ben arrives at the Rebel base on D'Qar and finds that Leia has more plans for him than he bargained for.

Kira Ren inhaled sharply, the boom of his voice cracking like a whip throughout the room.

“Your untimely decision led them to escape. Your _stubbornness_ has aided the Resistance in getting closer to their goal!” Snoke spat at her.

Barely daring to look up, she could only see his skeletal hands clenching the armrest until his knuckles turned white, the glimmer of his golden robe slithering like a snake when he rose from his seat, striding towards her, and though he was just a hologram, she was all too aware that he would be able to reach her from here.

“You have humiliated the First Order, you’ve humiliated me. Solely due to your lack of discipline. I taught you better than this, Kira Ren.” He halted right in front of her, tilted her head up with the Force, and the wrath showed too clearly in his deformed face, his sunken cheek twitching as he stared her down. “Some smuggler _boy_ outwitted you. Escaped on his father’s own lousy ship. You disappoint me,” he said, shaking his head as he released his grip on her.

She felt the fabric of her tunic against her sides for each deep breath she forced herself to take, and she tried to focus on the sensation instead of the deep humiliation that burned through her like acid.

Hux huffed out a breath, far too presumptuously. It was hard to resist the urge to knock the General right down into the floor. If anything, then at least as an outlet.

Rising to her feet, she clenched her fists as the redhead passed by her, addressing the Supreme Leader once he’d resumed his seat.

“You’ll be pleased to hear that the construction of Starkiller Base is almost complete. With Your permission, we would like to test it on the New Republic meeting soon to be held on Hosnian Prime. It will be the end of it, and a significant blow to the Resistance, if the information our spies bring us is true. Leia Organa has called a meeting, presumably a last call for aid,” Hux said, his chest proudly puffed out like a peacock’s, his hands folded behind his back. He almost couldn’t contain his smile.

“Very well, General. Perform your test as you see fit. Surely, these are the last days of the Republic,” Snoke croaked, satisfied as he leaned back. “Without their leader, the Resistance will be disorganised, lost. Find their base.”

“Sir, already our tracking technology has advanced rapidly, but I’m afraid-“

“Did I ask for excuses, Armitage Hux?” he asked the General who stiffened slightly, then lowered his head.

“No, Supreme Leader.”

Kira Ren trailed after him out the room, felt Snoke’s eyes on her like daggers digging into her back even after the elevator doors had shut behind them.

She sensed Hux’s snotty half smirk even though she was looking straight ahead. How she wanted to wipe it off his face.

“It’s what you deserve,” he sneered at her as he left the elevator, “You really do let your feelings rule you more than your head.”

Without knowing how it’d happened, her sabre was ignited and in her grasp, aimed straight at him.

He didn’t even flinch, just looked from the tip of her blade to her masked face, his upper lip pulling up into a scoff. “Please. As if you’re going to kill me.”

It rang in her ears, white-hot heat guiding her hand, her body, the Force thrumming in every fibre of her being.

He barely managed to dodge out of the way of her lunge that hit where his head had been only a moment ago. The lightsabre sizzled along the floor, and he had the good sense to begin walking, _very_ quickly.

Her murderous intent cascading off of her, the bystanding workers and Stormtroopers made the wise decision of pretending not to have seen and going on about their tasks, steering quite clear of her as she strode towards her chambers.

Once inside, she fought to not have her lack of self-control rip out the pipes and cords from the wall as she had done when Snoke had first found her. It wouldn’t work to try and force her way out of this, not yet. Killing Hux off - and it was all the worse as it would just be so _easy_ \- would only enrage her master further. No, she had to be patient, wait out her turn in the disdain of Snoke so that she might get her chance.

Besides, there was this Ben. Something about him. Of course, she’d seen people from her past in her dreams, nightmares, before, but the phantom joy she’d felt flutter in her ribcage? Never. Brows knitting together, she slid her hand over her chest, the ghost of it echoing dully inside her. It didn’t belong there. It was a feeling of warm summers spent tickling trout out of the stream running along the edge of her mother’s herb garden, a feeling of a kiss to the forehead and a hug that smelled of cooking, a feeling of laughter, light-heartedness. It didn’t belong to the life she led now.

Kira Ren removed her mask, setting it aside and instead picking up the neatly folded jacket that’d been removed from her captive as to be able to secure him better for the interrogation. For some reason, she’d felt compelled to keep it. Not that it was very pretty; the cognac leather was worn, cracked in some places, worn so thin in others it was almost softer than silk - completely unlike the sleekness of her own spotless cape and tunic. Holding it up in front of her by the shoulders, her gaze roamed over it, and she could almost see his defiantly scrunched up face above it. It had been impressive, his resistance to her methods. If he hadn’t run off, she would’ve like to have figured out how someone untrained, even a Skywalker, had been able to hold her off for so long - and why she was seeing that man in her head, too.

The curiosity helped distract her from her mortification of being scolded like a child in front of a man she only had a hint of reluctant respect and a whole lot of hate for, and Kira Ren folded the jacket up after checking the pockets. He hadn’t kept anything important, really, a few Republic credits, a hydrospanner, an almost spent roll of repair tape, and a badly folded up collectible card depicting some kind of Aethersprite interceptor. The exact model, she couldn’t pinpoint. It was frayed along the edges and lines where it’d been folded, the colours faded. Frowning, she put the knickknacks back into the pockets where she’d found them and put the jacket down into the compartment among a thin silver chain with a broken pendant and a small holo-projector, the model years since outdated.

Pausing as she kneeled, Rey took it out, her lips pressing together at the flickering blue image sprang to life. It was of her, maybe eight or nine, she couldn’t remember, freckles speckled much more noticeably across the bridge of her nose and cheeks than now, a toothy grin between her mother and father, Valkaya and Mero, their hands placed on her shoulder, the other wrapped around each other’s waists. It’d cost them a quarter of their harvest to have it made. She hadn’t been allowed to see it on her own, her parents fearing she’d drop it. Eyes flitting across their features that moved in a loop frozen in time, Rey pressed her lips together, forcing herself to _look_. If she forgot what had killed them, their deaths would have been for nothing. Shutting it off, she gingerly placed the projector onto the jacket and put the floor panels back into place, then rose to her feet.

“Should I start keeping bodyguards?” Hux asked coolly as he walked beside her.

Briefly considering whether it was a joke, she turned his head towards him, but he looked straight ahead, the corners of his mouth not even curling in the slightest.

“They wouldn’t help you,” she replied.

Huffing air out of his nose, he glanced at her as he said, “You’re probably right. It would be a waste, then.”

“They’re less expendable to you than I thought,” she said as they rounded the corner, entering the main conference room of the Finalizer, the ship already on the move again.

A large, sleek table ran in the middle of the room, almost in its full length. Phasma, helmet removed, straw-blonde hair closely cropped and combed back, stood at the opposite side of the Knights of Ren, whom she greeted with a curt nod. Enric Pryde was present, too, in hologram form, and he was glaring at her Knights. She felt their faint amusement with it, and she shared it, eyeing the Allegiant General and Griss, his aide, who was looking with equal contempt at the six masked figures. Strategists and officers among other workers filled up the rest of the space around the table, above which a hologram of a map was floating.

Hux took up the other end of the table, and one of the women, a lieutenant, zoomed in on the Esstran sector, the different systems pulsing faintly. She turned the dials, and the system was enlarged as she said, “The rebellion on Corbos has grown wilder, General. The miners are protesting against the First Order.”

“Well then, seems like they haven’t learned their lesson yet,” Hux said dismissively.

“Sir, I’m afraid there’s more. It also seems like they were harbouring Resistance spies. As far as we know, plans of Starkiller Base have been leaked to them. We’ve established a field around the planet to keep any ships from taking off. The spies have been, we believe, contained on the planet, but we have as of yet not been able to find them amidst the uprising,” she continued.

“If the plans have yet to be given to the Resistance, Starkiller Base could remain safe,” Pryde said, eyeing Hux.

“The riots can easily be dealt with, with your permission, Sir,” Phasma said.

“Yes,” the General said, eyeing the flickering hologram of the planet.

“The Resistance spies?” the lieutenant asked.

Hux glanced at her, then met her gaze, and now, his lips curved upwards in a faint smile, blue eyes glittering coldly as he said, “Isn’t that your specialty, Kira Ren?”

A dark joy at being deployed to do what she did best blossomed in her chest. “We will handle the spies,” she said, felt the shared excitement of her knights beside her.

“Good. Take your… Knights with you, then. A shame this should happen now, though, I fear you won’t make it back in time for the spectacle,” Armitage said as the lieutenant shut off the hologram, and the people around the table slowly began filing out.

“A shame it is. You’ll have to use it again, then,” Kira Ren mused as she began walking with him once more. Before their ways parted, she said, “And you wait, if you know what’s best for you. I want the pleasure of seeing that for myself.”

“Then you better be quick about it. The First Order doesn’t wait for petty reasons like your personal interests,” he frowned.

She could tell he rolled his eyes, and, for a moment, she felt compelled to slam him face-first into the floor.

“Afraid I’m going to miss your speech? I’ve heard you practicing it,” Kira said.

“I couldn’t care less whether you are attending or not, Ren.”

“Good. Then I’ll take whatever time is needed to carry out my mission successfully,” she said and made a turn, her band of found brothers trailing behind her.

“It’s been a while since we last went out,” Vicrul said, “It’s going to be fun.”

“Nothing like taking out a couple of Resistance rabbits,” Ap’lek agreed with a chuckle.

The flight to Corbos was brief, their arrival going by unnoticed compared to that of Phasma and her squadrons. Landing in the Night Buzzard, the dirty smoke mingled with the darkness of night around them, their footfalls covered by the heavy rain that whipped down from the sky in relentless cascades.

Kira Ren pulled up the hood of her cloak against it despite how she still wore her mask, and led the group out from their starship. Flashes of red, green and blue managed to shine through the blackened dome of the night, but the cries of those caught in the battle the lights came from were drowned out by the rain, too.

“Well?” Vicrul asked.

She had halted in her steps, having to focus on differentiating the countless presences darting back and forth, their emotions, their terror, anger, tangled together. She reached out, gently picking up the glowing lights that, each a life, up, disentangling them and, after a bit of a search, she found what she sought.

“Beneath us, somehow,” she said.

Kuruk groaned quietly.

“Cardo, you’ll take up the rear,” she ordered as she began walking towards the village they’d landed at the outskirts of, “Vicrul, with me.” Already with her double-bladed sabre in hand, though not yet ignited, Kira Ren kept her mind open, picked up on the growing fear that ripened as they entered the village.

The doors were barred, windows darkened, and not much activity could be heard over the downpour except for a lone babe’s wailing, its mother presumably frantically trying to shush it back into silence.

She almost scoffed. Her issue was not with them - if they kept passive. Still, just for harbouring Resistance, they deserved to be killed off.

Searching, she turned her head, brows furrowing at the fear that sprang up so suddenly, so sharply in her own chest. Looking over her shoulder, she raked over the dead landscape, eyes narrowing. With the advantageous sight her mask gave her, she found nothing except some sort of rodent flitting over the earth, but when she raised her head slightly, a person came into view.

Her escaped prisoner. He seemed to have been sleeping up until now, his black hair tousled, expression still hazy. He stiffened when he saw her, and without thinking, she took a step forwards, but the image flashed back out, leaving only the empty darkness behind.

“What is it?” Trudgen asked.

“Nothing,” she snapped. “They’re in the mining shafts, and moving quick,” she said, quickly moving ahead and closing herself off, no longer needing to keep her mind open and vulnerable to find their target. Besides, she didn’t want her knights to feel the slight disturbance in the Force that vision had brought her.

“Rabbits indeed,” Ap’lek mused as they walked down the path, small huts on either side of them. A slightly bigger building, somewhat isolated from the rest, was their goal, and she slammed the door open, it clanging as it banged up against the wall.

Inside, a mountain of ore rose up on either side of them, carts scattered here and there along with mining equipment. No signs of life - at least not within the building itself. The stones crunched beneath the soles of her boots as she headed for the main shaft. Behind her, Vicrul shone light into it, the rough walls silent and damp. Kira Ren ducked as she entered, feeling the faint echo of those who’d been here before. They would be there. And they couldn’t be far away now.

The shaft went steeply downwards, wound left and right and split off into more paths, but she knew which ones to take. Locked in on her prey, she wouldn’t let it go until she’d hunted down every last one of those Resistance murderers.

Holding up her hand, Vicrul shut off the light. Golden glow faintly streamed out at them from a bend in the track. All the knights slowed, and indistinct voices could be heard up ahead. Maybe around four or five.

“There’s supposed to be a latch here, he told me it was a safe escape route!” a man said, frustration shining through in his strained voice.

“You’re just shoving without looking, let me have a go,” a woman interrupted. There was shuffling, scraping against stone, and muffled grunts.

Their time was up.

Igniting her blade, Kira Ren strode forwards, unfazed by the shot she dodged with ease, blocking those that followed with her sabre.

The five spies scrambled to fight back as she and her knights fanned out in the widened shaft. Ushar swung his club, it crackling with energy as it met with the flesh of one of the women.

Kira came close enough to kick the blaster out of one of their hands and pinned his wrist down beneath her boot, aiming her sabre at him as her knights finished their work around them, low thuds coming from the drop of bodies.

“Surrender. Your lives could be spared,” she lied.

“Never,” he spat at her, lips peeled back and features distorted in a fierce mix of fear and defiance.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

Barely moving, she drove the blade through his chest, shutting it off with a click once his final spasms had ceased.

“Bring the rest on board for interrogation,” she commanded, already turning away from the slumped bodies, either dead or unconscious, and she couldn’t bring herself to care which one it was. As they returned, she thought back on that vision. Why she’d been able to feel his fear, as she’d been able to feel his joy back when he was on the run on Jakku. She knew she was able to sense others, and as clearly as she had the Solo boy, but only if they were close, and if she willed it. It didn’t make sense that it was happening seemingly spontaneously. So why was it so?

Breaking the spies wasn’t nearly as difficult as she’d hoped it’d be. Flexing her fingers, Kira Ren let the last of them slump against the metal frame of the Night buzzard, her head hanging, brown hair sticking to her head, uniform drenched by the downpour that still hailed down on them. Gaze gliding up, she saw that the sky was still lit up by flits of lasers and the faint glow of fire to the south. Turning, Kira eyed her Knights as they stood behind her in a semi-circle. She gave a nod towards the ongoing battle.

“Have we got time for some more?” she asked.

“I wouldn’t mind a chance for some more fun,” Cardo said, rolling his shoulders.

“We’ve been cooped up long enough,” Ushar agreed, “That Snoke’s been keeping us idle for far too long.”

“He doesn’t really appreciate all of your talents, no,” she said as they headed inside the ship.

Trudgen chuckled, “Neither does that Pryde. Did you see how he looked at us? He looked like he wanted to kill us, or something worse.”

Kira scoffed. “Pryde is a man of old times. He thinks the Empire was the epitome of greatness, and he’s too blinded by the glory of it all to see its faults.”

Cocking his head to the side, Ushar crossed his arms over his chest. “And you’re going to improve it how? You’re under Snoke’s command,” he said, and she didn’t like the challenging tone in his voice.

The closer they got to the battle on the ground, the louder the sounds of firing weapons and crashes got.

“We all agreed this was best for the time being. The First Order is immensely powerful, and you’re nothing but a fool if you can’t see that, Ushar.”

He held up his hands, palms out. “Relax, would you? I’m just saying there were a lot less restrictions when we were our own pack,” he said.

“And a lot less opportunity to do this sort of thing,” Kira pointed out, unhitching her sabre once Kuruk exited the cockpit.

Cardo, readying his bolt launcher, said, “I’m certainly not complaining.”

They gathered at the gate, Kira Ren the spearhead of their grim group.

“Let’s show this Rebel scum who’s really in charge,” she snarled as the latch slammed open onto the hard ground, and the battlefield seemed to hold its breath once they made their entrance.

She sensed the excitement, the reverence of the First Order troops as they beheld the seven Knights, felt the fear of the rioting crowd like a reverberation in the Force. In the dark grey gloom of dawn, the crimson light of her lightsabre lit up her mask once she ignited it. Her brothers fanned out beside her, and, together, they tore into the battle. Quickly, the First Order troops gathered around the black clad Knights of Ren, rallying with renewed efforts.

Kira felt the battle craze of her troops’ excitement like a wall around her, amplified by her own presence, and though neither she nor her brothers said a word, the Stormtroopers flanked out beside them, advancing steadily, taking cover behind destroyed houses and outcrops of rock. She had no use for such things. Cutting through the air, deflecting every blaster shot aimed at her or simply moving out of the way for it, her blade sizzled as the heavy rain landed on it.

The rebel stronghold near the centre was nothing more than a collection of houses with a makeshift blockade set up around it made of everything that could give just a hint of protection. If anything, she had to admire the courage of these miners. Even as Cardo fired his bolt launcher into their midst, chunks of wood, flaming before being extinguished by the rain, flew up from the explosion, a wave of attackers came for them nonetheless, their faces fierce, grim, stark.

Blaster shots plucked them out of the charging line they were attempting to hold, bodies falling, screaming, or more ominously, with only a thud, to the ground. Beside her, she sensed a depletion in the numbers of her own men, but with their training, she knew their losses wouldn’t be too great.

The two sides clashed, some of the bolder rebels going straight for her. Kira cut them down without a second thought, and, sensing distress to her left, she turned. Phasma, surrounded by a ring of rebels far out on the outskirts of the battlefield, no longer holding her blaster, was standing firm, wielding her baton with great skill, but one woman against six others was bound to be a challenge. Raising her hand, she slammed one of the attackers into the ground, stalked forwards, and the attackers’ heads turned when she came closer. Phasma used their inattentiveness to elbow one of them in the face, slam them into the next, and in unison, the two women drove the points of their weapons through the chests of the last remaining rebels.

As Phasma wiped the blood off her baton, Kira, glancing to her right, saw the blaster lying underneath a body, stretched out her hand, and it flew right into it.

“Phasma,” she said, handing her the rifle.

“Kira,” she nodded, taking it.

His mother, General Organa, was standing in front of the ramp as it lowered itself onto the soil of the hidden Resistance base, her features no less stoic than the last time he saw her, stature as regal as ever. Still, Ben caught the glimpse of disappointment in her brown eyes before a cautious joy took over, and for a second, his strides halted when their eyes met.

It felt odd when she pulled him into a hug he didn’t know how to reciprocate. It didn’t feel genuine, like a show.

“Ben. For a moment, I thought you were your father,” Leia said, still holding on to his arm as she studied him. He felt scrutinised, unable to look straight at her, and instead focused on her intricate hairdo. She’d changed it since the last time she’d seen her.

“Well, I’m not,” he answered stiffly, and she shook her head, a faint smile on her lips.

“No, you’re not,” she agreed, “And thank the stars for that. Otherwise I doubt you’d even have landed here.” She let go after giving his arm one last squeeze, her smile broadening once Poe came out.

“General, it’s good to see you again,” he said, “We brought a friend along.” He gestured to Finn, who bowed his head respectfully towards her.

“I see you did, Wing Commander. I can hear more of your lack of cargo later, for now, I’d like to know more about who this friend is,” she said, not unkindly. Poe began telling her as they walked. Ben followed behind, Finn walking next to him.

Ben would have preferred to just sleep out in the open. It was better than sleeping in the Falcon, and certainly better than sleeping in here. Uneasily taking in the small room, austerely furnished and in the same wing as his mother’s, he scratched his now bare arm, having been offered a change of clothes and a shower after debriefing with Dameron - the pilot and the former Stormtrooper had gone off together afterwards, he didn’t know for what, and he didn’t feel like hanging around in the common areas, either.

R-6, sensing his mood even with his outdated system, beeped encouragingly, wheeling over to bump him in the shin.

“Yes, I know. It just doesn’t feel like it,” he said, leaning his back against the wall as he folded up his legs beneath him.

A series of chirps were sent his way, and he raised his brows at the droid as he answered, “You better be grateful too, you got the first oil exchange in years, isn’t that something at least?”

R-6 howled, rocking from side to side.

He threw up his hands. “Well, we were very busy until just now, and you never let me know when you need to be repaired anyways,” he defended himself and rolled his eyes at the unsavoury accusations coming from his droid.

Looking up as the door was opened, Poe poked his head inside. “The General wants to see the three of us, there’s a council meeting about to start,” he said, then knocked on the doorframe and was off.

He suppressed a sigh as he swung his legs out over the edge of the bed. Before he left, he turned to R-6 and said, “You stay here if you’re gonna have such a foul mouth, alright?” The droid rolled behind him regardless as he went to the called meeting. At least it stayed quiet - for now.

Most heads turned upon his arrival, and the attention made his skin crawl. Not sure where else to go, he settled for a spot next to Finn, who was looking doubtfully around the command centre.

“Hey,” he greeted him with a brief smile.

“Hey,” Ben answered.

Soon enough, Leia walked in, and the quiet conversations died down. She dwelled on him for a moment, unreadable, before her gaze swept over the rest of those gathered as she spoke, “We’re here because the First Order’s getting stronger by the day. Unfortunately, the New Republic either doesn’t want to or isn’t able to realise this. Let’s all hope it’s the latter. The stakes are getting higher as we speak. Rumours of a terrible new weapon have reached us, but we haven’t been able to gather any solid information about it. I know all of you are working on it - and will continue to do just that when I take off soon. The Senate is having a meeting with all senators, and though I wouldn’t otherwise attend, I fear this is our last hope of talking some sense into them. So, I’ll be going.”

Hushed murmurs broke out again, but their General’s only slightly raised hand brought them back to the attentive silence they’d been in just before.

“The rest of you should keep making as many preparations as you can. I think we all know that the First Order isn’t about to let us off the hook - and we’re certainly not about to stop our efforts. If necessary, we will make the move to some of our other bases. Let’s hope it won’t turn out that way, but be ready. Commander Seastriker, you’re in charge while I’m gone,” Leia continued, nodding to Joph Seastriker, who bowed his head. “Now, I should like some more privacy.”

Almost immediately, everyone began filing out. The door closing behind the last few shut out the conversation, and it was just the four of them in the room now.

Leia looked smaller now, older than he thought, her hands placed on the table, head lowered in thought for a moment as Poe came closer.

“General Organa?” he asked.

“Just considerations, Dameron, nothing to concern yourself with. Now, Ben, Finn, I’d like to know more about what you saw. Every bit of information is useful to us in the fight against the First Order,” Leia said, eyeing him and Finn, and he hesitated for a moment before he walked over, arms crossed over his chest.

“You were captured, Ben, and you helped get him out?” she asked, surveying Finn.

Pressing his lips together, he stayed silent as Finn, after glancing at him through the corner of his eye, said, “Yes ma’am, I did, I was a Stormtrooper for the Order.”

“Yes? Did you hear anything of this new weapon?”

“I did. Starkiller Base. I did… I worked there for a bit, yea.”

“Is it as powerful as they say?” Poe cut in.

Finn looked at him, giving an uncertain shrug. “It’s hard to say, I was deployed elsewhere before they were finished with the thing. If size does matter, though, then the answer is yes. It’s a whole planet, transformed into a weapon. Fuelled by the sun, if what I heard was right.”

“A suiting name they gave it then,” she said drily, looking between the three of them. “Finn, I want you to report everything you can think of about Starkiller Base to Seastriker. Poe, you know where he stays.”

Poe nodded. “Yes ma’am. Should I still not send an escort with you on your way to Hosnian Prime?” he said.

Leia tilted her head to the side, and the pilot nodded, resigned, before he and Finn took off. “C’mon, BB-8,” he called, and the droid rolled off along with them.

She seated herself, looking up at him for a long while before she let out a sigh. “Well, did Lor San Tekka make it in time?”

“In time for what?” Ben asked, keeping on standing where he was.

“The piece of the map,” she said, surveying him closely enough that it made him uncomfortable, and he rolled his shoulders.

“To Luke? Yea. R-6 has it.” He gestured to the droid, and it projected it into the air above them, the dotted line glittering among the countless stars and planets.

Leia rose, turning on the hologram, and the bit fit in with the rest of the map like the last piece of a puzzle, now finally complete.

“Why do you want me to go with you?” he asked, as it didn’t seem like she was done staring at the map yet.

“You’re my son,” she simply said without looking at him.

“So? I’m no general. Certainly no senator either,” he said, fighting to keep his voice calm.

Finally, she fixed her gaze on him. “Does that really matter to you?”

“It does matter to me that every time you’ve dragged me along, I’ve gotten nothing but dirty looks. I don’t belong there like you do, and that was years ago. I don’t think their attitudes towards me have changed.”

“And you’ve found your place as a smuggler, then?”

He didn’t say anything, just felt his hands clench into fists.

“I always thought you’d make a good General. And a fine Senator, too, Ben.”

He wanted to laugh.

“You haven’t really shown that much.”

She blinked, seeming genuinely confused. “You were brought up with me, you got to see how it all worked.”

“I spent more time with 3PO than with you.”

“I had to take care of my duties, had to work for the Republic. And I was with you plenty of the time,” she said.

“And what did all that do in the end? How did that work out for you, do you think, with the rise of the First Order and everything?” he asked, having to clench his jaw tight to refrain from ranting on.

Leia looked at him, the light of the hologram reflected in her eyes. “The rise of the First Order was beyond our control. Now, we can try and stop it. That’s what all this is for.”

He resisted the urge to drum his fingers against his arm.

“During your capture, did you see anything? Were you interrogated?” she asked, shutting off the damn projection.

“I was. By some Kira Ren. Snoke’s tool, probably,” he said, managing to keep his voice unwavering somehow.

Leia nodded, slowly, cheeks paling. “And?”

He paused, not sure how much he should tell her. “She was good. I saw the map, and she figured that out, saw it too. Why?” he asked, wondering why her face had fallen like that at the mention of her name.

“I need to know how much they know. Thank the Force they didn’t get the memostick itself, that’ll slow her down a little at least,” she said quietly, almost to herself, brushing a hand over her forehead. “We need to go, or that meeting will happen without us. Did you bring what you need?”

He held out his arms. “I’m not even wearing my own clothes. Is there something special about Kira Ren?” he asked, trying not to sound too interested as he followed her after she began to walk.

“I’ll tell you more on the way there, Ben,” she said dismissively, sounding tired.

So, Ben shut his mouth and kept it that way until they’d boarded the shuttle that would take them to Hosnian Prime. His churning thoughts kept him more than occupied enough anyways.

Well, if she wasn’t about to break the silence and start talking, he was.

“What is it about that Kira Ren? You looked like you were about to faint when I mentioned her name,” he said, standing in the doorway.

“I didn’t think I’d hear of her again is all. And that isn’t her name. I first met her when she was a girl,” Leia began, studying him for a moment before she continued, “Where she was just Rey. Daughter of some poor farmers on Durkteel. Mero and Valkaya. They were old friends of mine, ready to take up the fight against the First Order when they increased their presence in the Durkteel system. They were our spies, but I can only assume the First Order saw through them. Killed the poor girl’s parents without hesitation, as is their way.”

Ben crossed his arms, brows knitting together.

“I thought she was an ordinary girl the first few times I saw her - not that Valkaya let her attend our meetings very much. But, like with you, Ben, I sensed the Force in her. Strongly, but dormant. For some reason, she ran off after her parents’ deaths. Poe and his mother were stationed there, to try and get together an organised effort against the First Order. Shara just told me their house went up in flames, and I’m sure Rey caused it. A little while later, Rey popped up on Takodana. I don’t know exactly how Maz found her, and she was only there a short while-“

“I visited Takodana plenty of times with Dad,” he interrupted, “Maz never mentioned anything about her helping out a girl.”

“Does Maz strike you as the type to be telling others her business?” She waited, and when he didn’t answer, said, “Rey left without telling anyone, or she was abducted. We don’t know for sure. The last I heard of her was that she’d joined the First Order. She’s, apparently, quite intent on killing me. Thinks I ordered the attacks on Mero and Valkaya. Fully consumed by darkness, she is. Maz sensed that too, felt the darkness in her.” She shook her head, letting out a sigh.

“What about when you sent me off to train with Luke? She came after me, back then,” he asked.

“Ben, I only know so much.”

“She didn’t kill me. Why?” he demanded.

“I do not know. Maybe because she was a child, just like you were,” she said, her gaze turning sharp along with her voice.

Pressing his lips together, they stared at each other. There was something she wasn’t telling him.

“Did that have something to do with why Luke left?”

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be needing a map to find him, Ben. Can’t you let this matter rest?”

“No, I can’t.” He thought back on how he’d seen her just this morning and was still at a loss as to why that had been so. “No one is telling me anything,” he said with hard-won composure.

“Because there isn’t anything to tell, Ben. Stars know why that girl targeted you and not any of the other Padawans. Maybe she was just sent there by Snoke to kill off as many as she could. For all I know, it’s only coincidence that she targeted you,” Leia said, rising to her feet, and despite how she was more than a head shorter than him, her manner was imposing enough that he didn’t ask any more questions, even though he needed the answers.

“Why are you so interested in her anyways? I thought you were all about lying low and smuggling your way through life like Han,” she said, looking up at him.

“Maybe because she tried to kill me? Is that not reason enough?”

“I thought that was a common occurrence in your lifestyle, a business risk.”

“It wasn’t back when I was twelve.”

Leia paused, then bowed her head for a moment before she looked up at him again. “Ben, you are a _Skywalker_ , of course the First Order would be interested in you. Of course they would try and target you. And you know how strong your own connection with the Force is. If left alive, you’re a threat to them. Of course, Snoke would send someone to kill you. Why he sent a child, why her specifically, I don’t know,” she said.

Ben ran a hand through his hair, pinched the bridge of his nose. She couldn’t just have said that to begin with?

“Listen, I don’t want a part in this, I’ve just been getting by. I haven’t been attacked since Luke’d temple was destroyed, so why has she taken such an interest in me?”

“What makes you say that?” she asked sharply. “Didn’t you say you were just interrogated by her?”

He could have slapped himself for that.

“Look, I’m only saying it doesn’t make sense that she didn’t kill me when she had me in that interrogation chamber. She failed to do it all those years ago, she had her chance, very clearly, back there, and yet she didn’t. Didn’t even try. Wouldn’t some Sith Lord just kill me off?”

“This topic is exhausted,” she said, shaking her head, and he saw that faint glimmer of fear in her otherwise so stoic eyes when he felt his frustration threaten to boil over.

“Like hell it is! You abandon me for years, then suddenly call on me, have all sorts of plans cut out for me? Lor San Tekka knew I was coming, and he said you knew. Now, I don’t know what your _plan_ with me is, Leia, but I am out of here the moment I’ve brought you back to D’Qar. I’m not whatever it is you’re trying to make me into. I’m not going to be a General for the Resistance, I’m not going to join it, and if you won’t provide any answers, I’ll find them for myself,” he snarled, felt the anger threatening to well up too far and spill over.

“Ben,” she tried, voice gentle, promising nothing more but intricate words designed to keep him at bay, her tone akin to one used when talking to a distressed animal.

“No. Just,” he sighed, rubbing his face. She obviously wouldn’t tell him what he needed to know. Make Luke did. Or Maz knew something more, especially if she’d had the girl stay with her for a bit. Had he been on Takodana the same time as Kira Ren? Thinking back on it, he couldn’t recall having seen another kid. Han had only brought him along since Leia was too busy with her Senate duties to take proper care of him, and he’d been quick about getting whatever needed to be done over with, not leaving time to go exploring about Maz’s castle.

Leaning back in his seat, he glanced over his shoulder at Leia, who was looking out the window as hyperspace whizzed past behind it. Rey. Why didn’t she just call herself that? Did it have something to do with her mask, too?

“You haven’t reconsidered, then? Taking up the torch?” she said, still looking out. “It’s what I tried raising you to do.”

Ben scoffed.

“I’m not you, and I’m not Luke, or anyone else for that matter. You can just stop asking,” he dismissed her, and the silence stretched out between them, heavy and charged.

“Senator Organa, as far as the Senate is concerned, your evidence is lacking, and you are yet again wrongly accusing the First Order,“ Carise Sindian said, and lightning almost crackled between the two women when their eyes met - as it had for the duration of the entire Senate hearing.

“I’m not here to bring proof you can just discard, Sindian. I’ve come to you before, with much more evidence, and even then, you didn’t believe me. As I said, I am here to warn you - those of you who will listen, at least. The First Order is not as harmless as you make it out to be. They’re building a new superweapon. If the Republic does not act now, we _will_ be destroyed,” Leia said.

“A _superweapon_. Organa, we would know if such a thing was being made. The scale you’ve described is hard not to notice,” Carise said, a stiff, yet barely veiled gleeful look on her face.

“I’ve sent the information I have of it to the Senate,” she reminded her.

“Fabricated. We’re in the middle of a disarmament with the First Order, surely they would not break their word.”

Ben looked between the two senators as they debated, and he clearly sensed the restlessness of the rest of the politicians. Most looked bored, too, or with disdain at his mother.

“The Resistance is not strong enough to fight them on our own. We need the aid of the Republic if we are to defend the systems under our protection,” Leia said, and he too clearly sensed the desperation with which she spoke.

“The Resistance,” Sindian drawled, “is nothing but a paramilitary group and no friend of the Republic.”

Leia paused, her lips pursing for a moment or two before she nodded, taking a step back. “I can tell there’s no convincing you. I’ve done what I can, then.”

“Good. We have more important matters to attend to.” Carise turned, and Leia began walking out of the massive council chamber.

“Senator Madmund, have we any news of the new trade routes?” he heard her say just before the doors closed behind them.

Leia halted in the wide corridor once they’d walked a little, and he stopped a few metres behind her, her back turned to him. He didn’t ask what she was thinking; the defeat was practically radiating off of her. Not so much a broken pride as a deep sadness shone through in the way her shoulders just slightly lowered, in the barely noticeable dip of her head.

“Isn’t it their own fault if they don’t listen?” Ben asked, still not particularly fond of the Republic. Not that he hated it, either, but if those people were stupid enough not to believe in the proof that was right under their noses, then it really couldn’t be Leia’s fault, even though so much else was.

“It’s not as simple as that,” she said, shaking her head.

He raised a brow, walked up to her as she set one foot in front of the other to get out of the building. “How so?”

“I thought you’d learned by now that we have a responsibility towards the Galaxy. Whether they like it or not. You have a responsibility, too.”

Scrunching his lips to the side, he squared his shoulders, meeting the eyes of one of the government workers who shot him a dirty look. “It’s not your fault that they’re too stupid to listen.”

“Too manipulated by the First Order,” she corrected, glancing at him through the corner of her eye.

He shrugged, didn’t want another fight, the wind blowing in his hair once they came out onto the landing platform where their small transport was still safely docked. “So now you’ve given up?”

“I have to focus on what can actually be saved, Ben. The Republic is lost. I saw that just now, and didn’t you, too?” she said as she entered the craft.

He didn’t answer, just said, “Hey there, had a good time while you waited?” to R-6, took his seat inside the cockpit and made the dashboard come alive beneath him. The droid rolled up next to him, chirping his response. “Mh, sounds so fun,” Ben mused absentmindedly, “Mind giving me a little help here?”

Beeping indignantly as it stuck its data probe into the port and began calculating the hyperspeed course back to D’Qar, Ben ran the take-off procedure, and the engine thrummed quietly as they rose up into the air.

The atmosphere was pastel pink and orange, coloured in dainty watercolours by the setting sun. Other vehicles dotted the sky, black silhouettes moving back and forth in the fading light, and a faint smile crept up on his lips as they flew up and away from the planet. He hesitated in making the jump to lightspeed even though they were up in a more than adequate altitude for it - and had been for a while. Something compelled him to dwell on the sight of the planet-wide metropolis, and he wondered just how many of its citizens even cared for any bit of what their politicians made of decisions. If they even knew what was going on inside the senatorial complex. In his experience, they rarely were, but then again, he mostly dealt with other smugglers, bounty hunters and people looking to make money, and fast. Maybe there was some middle ground between them and the kindred spirits of those who’d joined the Resistance.

R-6 chirped a question, and he shrugged as he said, “I don’t know. Guess it’s kind of fun, seeing how everyone seems to move like ants when you’ve just stirred up their nest with a stick.” He gave the droid a pat, Hosnian Prime and its neighbouring planets now barely more than bright white dots in the surrounding sea of midnight. “I’ll start going faster soon, I didn’t realise you liked BB-8 that…” Ben trailed off, dark brows furrowing in confusion as a sinister red glow intruded in the periphery of his vision.

Snapping his head to the side, his breath caught in his throat as he saw mammoth lines of crimson energy unstoppably pushing forwards in the empty space. They were headed straight for the system they were still in. Insurmountable dread built in his stomach, but his reflexes made him reach for the hyperdrive switch as his head froze. From the small lounge, he felt his mother’s presence in the Force, filled with so much despair and agony that he felt it, too. Slamming the switch forwards, he cast one last glance over his shoulder and, looking past Leia out the window, he watched as the planets began to implode.

He made the jump to hyperspeed just in time.

Shakily, she sat down, her mouth open and gaze fixed on something so very far away.

Their weapon was ready already. And its power was immense. More than they’d dared believe.

“I thought we’d have more time…” she mumbled, unmoving, and he got up to go to her even if he had no clue as to what to say. No words would be able to soothe such a blow. As he looked at his mother, once so steely and determined, now looking frailer than ever, another person popped into view.

Kira Ren looked down at her mask, absentmindedly brushing her gloved fingers over it as she let her thoughts wander.

Luke Skywalker. A legend, yet just a man.

Maybe it was time to pay him a visit. Even without the data itself, she was more than capable enough of setting her own course without the help of an astromech, if she wanted to. It surely would cripple the Resistance if she took him down.

Muffled, she heard a radio message sound from the cockpit. If she wasn’t mistaken, it was Hux speaking.

“Inform Kira Ren that the trial of Starkiller Base has been successful.” He sounded like he could barely contain his pride.

Kuruk muttered something she couldn’t decipher, then there was silence.

Kira was about to go back out to her Knights when she felt something odd, a tingling sensation at the base of her skull, and when she turned her head, she saw that smuggler again.

Ben Solo.

A flash of amusement mixed with the inevitable confusion as to why he was popping into her sight again.

He was staring at her, pale and looking utterly shocked, and, curious, she cocked her head to the side.

“Ah. You saw, then, didn’t you?” she said, setting her mask aside without looking away from him. Might as well make a bit of conversation, now that they could actually talk. She didn’t have anything better to do.

“You did it, didn’t you?” he breathed. He was wearing a different jacket. She preferred the one she’d kept. He’d looked better in that one. She let her eyes wander over him, just briefly, before she met his gaze again.

“Oh, no. I wouldn’t want to take credit for that. Hux would be furious.” She paused. “That would indeed be interesting to watch, actually.”

His brows knitted together above his whiskey-brown eyes, and she didn’t want to look away from them. Why wasn’t he saying anything? He’d been so talkative when she’d interrogated him.

“Why do you keep… Appearing?” Ben asked, “Why aren’t you leaving me alone? I’m not with them. I don’t have anything you want. I’m not even a Jedi.”

Hm. It had indeed seemed unlikely that someone untrained was establishing this kind of connection.

“I could ask the same of you,” she said.

The crease in his forehead deepened, and he blinked, then shook his head. “I don’t believe you,” he said, but his voice was laced with uncertainty.

Rising to her feet, he took a step back, so she halted. “Why are you with them, then? It was that Poe Dameron who aided you in your escape on Jakku. He’s about as committed to the Resistance’s cause as you can be. What is he, a friend of yours?” Kira asked instead.

“He’s not my friend,” Ben snapped, “You’ve just destroyed the entire Republic, and still, you ask that?”

She tilted her head. Not once during her interrogation had she seen any concern regarding the Republic, and if you were a smuggler, following their laws and regulations wasn’t exactly your top priority. “Yes. I’m curious, given how you haven’t been associated with them until now. Why the sudden change of heart?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Oh, so you _are_ with the Resistance now? Interesting. A lovely mother-son duo indeed.”

His hands clenched into fists. Then, he raised one of them, pointing at her. “Get _out of my head_.”

Shaking her head with a faint smile, she parted her lips to speak, to taunt him some more, to get him angry enough to make him tell her why he was indeed working for the Resistance, but when she raised her head again, he was gone.

Metallic clanging on her door tore her out of her daze, and she slid on her mask before she answered the insistent knocking with a, “What is it?”

Kuruk cocked his head to the side, then said, “You have your quirks, but I didn’t think talking to yourself was one of them.”

“I wasn’t.” If he hadn’t been wearing the mask, she was certain she’d now be seeing him with an arched brow.

“Well then. Hux delivered a message. He-“

“I’m aware. Anything else?”

“He wasn’t happy when we told him what the spies had managed to do.”

“Is that so,” she said drily, walking past him out into the small lounge where Trudgen was in the middle of fashioning a scrap of the specialised blaster one of the spies had used into the armour he already worse on his torso, presumably due to some, to him, interesting detail in it.

“You don’t seem very upset that the First Order has had vital information leaked,” Kuruk said.

Turning to him, she answered, “Am I the only person who’s seen Starkiller Base? No? It’s mammoth. Indestructible. Even if the Resistance manages to get that information, they won’t be able to do much with it.”

The pilot shrugged carelessly. Neither of the Knights had any particularly strong ties of loyalty to the First Order. It was simply the most advantageous ally as things were now. 


	4. Godforsaken torch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has to deal with the aftermath of having spoken to Kira Ren while in the presence of his mother.  
> Part of that is leaving the Resistance behind - and he's bringing a friend he owes a great deal with him to an acquiantance whom he hopes can provide him with some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen it's two Solos in a tense situation in a small room there's gonna be some arguing

“What was that? Who were you talking to?” Leia asked, voice still hoarse from emotion.

Ben blinked, and he was back in the small starship, and he stumbled backwards until his back hit the wall. He’d been able to convince himself that how he’d seen her in the pouring rain had been some sort of odd nightmare and not actually her, but this? This hadn’t been a dream. It’d been _her_.

She repeated her questions, and only slowly did he raise his head to look at her, his chest rising and falling in a quick rhythm as he tried to figure out what the hell had just happened. She’d just been… _Talking_ with him, had even stopped her approach when he’d backed away. Had she looked disappointed? She certainly seemed to amuse herself by prodding at him so insistently, and the fear he’d felt at the first sight of her had rather shifted into frustration and irritation over her questions he didn’t want to and didn’t know how to answer.

“No one. It was- nothing.” Why _had_ he agreed to do this for Leia, going with her to this Senate meeting when Poe had seemed more than eager to accompany her.

“ _Ben,_ ” she said in that voice he’d heard her wield only when arguing with his father.

Pressing his lips together, he clenched and unclenched his hands, not sure how to explain it. If he even could.

“I… There’s something… I keep seeing that girl. Rey. Or Kira Ren. It happens without me wanting to, she just appears.”

Her face blanched, and she rose, looking at him imploringly. “Ben, promise me you’ll do whatever you can to shut her out. She’s with the Order, she has… A terrible presence, a darkness in the Force I didn’t even sense in my own father.”

He stiffened. Knew who Anakin, who Darth Vader, had been, had done. “Didn’t you hear me? It happens without any influence from me, I can’t control it.”

“Then you must _learn_ to control it.”

“Why do you talk of it as if it’s this terrible thing? For all we know, I could- I could use this, to spy on the First Order, or, or something,” he said without thinking, throwing his hands up in frustration.

Her eyes narrowed and she shook her head. “You’ve never wanted to help the Resistance before.”

He wasn’t sure that’s how he’d phrase it, but that didn’t really matter right now. “And why are you talking about it as if you’ve seen it coming? You _know_ I didn’t complete Luke’s training, didn’t have the chance to do so before he kicked me out. Did he tell you something or what?” he asked.

“I’m telling you to shut it out because it’s _common sense_ , Ben. How do you know it’s not some mind trick she’s trying to pull on you?” Leia questioned.

 _I know because she just sat there, just… Talked with me. Almost as if she was just trying to pass the time._ That’s what he wanted to say, but the words didn’t seem to be able to slip past his lips, and instead he just looked at her, feeling more lost than he ever had - but only for a moment as he realised she’d evaded his questions yet again.

“ _Did_ Luke tell you something? Or why is it so bad that I see her?”

Leia took in a breath, eyeing him sternly.

“Mom, my whole life, I’ve been- You can choose not to believe me when I say I didn’t destroy Luke’s temple, you can deny that you weren’t there when I was growing up, hell, you can even say that you aren’t disappointed with me, because I know you are, but you cannot deny that you’re keeping things from me. You’re not answering any of my questions, not the important ones at least, and now you won’t tell me anything about either Kira Ren or why she was after me, and why it is Luke was constantly on me, even as a Padawan. Now, we’re in this godforsaken shuttle cooped up together for a long while. Plenty of time for you to give some explanations,” he demanded.

“I _have_ told you what I know, Ben. Rey was a gifted child whose parents were tragically killed by the First Order, but darkness claimed her, had claimed her already when Maz took her in. I can’t fathom why Snoke would send a child to kill you, but he did, and he did so because you’re the last Skywalker - he knows the potential you hold. That power - if not properly managed, could be turned into something horrible, just like Snoke did it with Rey. Luke was not very gentle, I’ll admit, but it was for the best. We needed you to fight for us, for the Republic, the Resistance. Can’t you see that’s what I’m trying to do now, calling you back here, having Lor San Tekka give you the map, bringing you with me to this meeting? I need you to take up the torch and carry it,” she said.

Ben swallowed thickly, wanted to laugh in her face, wanted to chuck the table across the room or kick something. All that, and his purpose had just been to be another tool, another weapon, in their war? Even his name was just an indication of that - Ben, the legendary Jedi Master, Skywalker, the surname of legends, of his uncle who’d rekindled the light in his grandfather. He’d been sent to Luke not because it was better for him, but because if he couldn’t be used as a senator, then at least as a warrior.

“You know, you could’ve had that, you could’ve had your Senator Ben Organa or General Solo, if you hadn’t been so goddamn busy. You could have fought for your own _son_ instead of tomorrow’s war!”

“I did what was needed of me, and I did what was best for you and the Galaxy both!” Leia snapped back, and he sensed her temper rising to the level of his own.

“You just have a vision in your head of what I’m supposed to be, just like everyone else, and I’m not fucking having it! I thought you had changed, wanted to actually talk to me when Lor San Tekka said I was to bring that map back to you, but I guess that isn’t the case. The goddamn _second_ we touch ground on D’Qar, I’m out of here,” he snarled, storming off into the cockpit.

Confusion and anger at feeling like he was being treated like a child, or worse, not even his own person, churned in his stomach until it was a tight knot.

Every time he thought back on her, though, he could only see the surprisingly open look on her face just before she’d noticed he was there, the curious glimmer in her hazel eyes when she’d turned to look at him. Shifting in his seat, he huffed out a breath, not sure why he felt oddly happy she hadn’t been wearing her mask. Why it’d felt like he was burning where her gaze had raked over him. It just didn’t make any sense at all - any of it. And why _was_ he staying with the Resistance, when he only got more and more confirmation that this wasn’t the place for him to be.

Turning his hands over, he studied them as his mind wandered. Wondered if it was because he’d opened himself up to the Force - though not voluntarily - that this was happening. Wondered if Leia really didn’t know any more than what she was saying. He wished that was the truth. His hope that Leia would maybe try talking to him, without bringing up the Skywalker bloodline, the responsibility to the Galaxy, to her, without telling him what he ought to do and not do without explaining any of her reasoning behind it, burst, and though he hadn’t wanted to get so angry with her, he couldn’t help but feeling like it was justified.

“Amidst this tragedy, Seastriker, tell me you have some good news,” Leia said, her hands braced on the table before her.

“Good and bad, General. We lost five of our people on Corbos. Seems the First Order deployed a special unit to get rid of them,” he said.

“Death troopers?”

“No, ma’am, not Death troopers. Something else, our other informants weren’t sure, and after what happened to the other’s, they’re afraid to tell us anything more.”

“Of course,” she said, shaking her head, “Go on.”

“The good news is,” he pressed a button on the digital projector and a model of a huge orb crackled into view, “that they managed to send all the information they had before they were killed. This is Starkiller Base. A superweapon, capable of destroying entire star systems.” He glanced at Leia whose gaze was fixed on the model. “There’s not as many details about it as we would’ve liked. We only know the size of it, and it seems like it’s capable of moving around. It was built in the Unknown Regions, though, and this was its first trial. Luckily for us, as far as we know, they don’t know where we’re located - for now. And it’s only logical that it must take a while before they can recharge this weapon, but it’s hardly enough time for us to have gathered enough information about it to be able to take it out.”

“It doesn’t have any weak points? Like the Death Star?” Poe asked.

Finn, who was standing next to him, looked at him for a moment, then at the hologram hovering ominously in the middle of the command centre.

“I can’t say no for certain, Commander Dameron, but we can’t tell until we have more intel,” Seastriker said.

Leia looked at his talented pilot, and he looked at her, a silent conversation seeming to be carried out between them though they didn’t say a word.

Ben looked at the former Stormtrooper and wondered if he knew anything at all. Giving him a nudge and an encouraging nod, he raised his voice and said, “If I might have a word, I think I have a friend who might be able to help us, a little at least. Finn?” He just hoped he’d be able to tell them all a little more than he had when they’d first arrived on D’Qar.

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he cleared his throat and paused for a bit, then spoke up, “I worked on Starkiller Base for a while. I only know as much as I overheard, so it isn’t much, but I do know that it charges by using the power of suns. It’s what fuels it.”

Ushos Statura narrowed his eyes, then zoomed in on the model, appearing to be searching for something. “A planet’s natural magnetic field wouldn’t be enough to contain so much power,” he pondered, “Not for a long enough time to be able to stabilise it sufficiently to polarise it to send it out in rays as they’ve done. There must be something adding to it, maybe a thermal oscillator of some kind.” The Admiral looked at Finn, who nodded.

“Yea, I’ve heard them mention something like that. I’ve seen it - it’s on the surface of the planet,” he said.

“If it’s on the surface, then we can blow it up, can’t we?” Poe asked.

“Hard to do that when we don’t know where it is,” Ben said, and a silence settled over the room.

“Would there be some way to track the energy to its origin?” a woman, short and with black hair that swooped up on either side of her face, said, though barely loudly enough for her to be heard.

“Rose’s right. Something of that magnitude has got to have left a track behind,” Jessika Pava said, and Paige nodded her agreement as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Pava, Rose, you two should get to work on that. To me, it sounds like you have a plan, and by using the information our spies on Corbos did manage to get out to us before their murders, we should be able to figure something solid out,” Leia said, and the women nodded, already walking off to begin on their task.

“The rest of us will try our best to work with what we have to plan an assault on Starkiller Base. It’ll only be a matter of time before the First Order finds our position, and when they do, that weapon must be destroyed. We will make further preparations. This meeting is dismissed,” Leia said.

As they were making their way back, Finn turned to him and said, “I can’t stay here. I didn’t want to say anything back there, but even if the oscillator is a little more vulnerable than the rest, you can’t get in there. The First Order isn’t to be messed with. Seriously.”

He halted, glancing over his shoulder as the rest of those who’d attended the meeting filed by before turning back to Finn. “So, what are you saying?”

“You’re a smuggler, right? Aren’t you eager to get away from this, too?” he asked.

If Ben was being honest, he was. Of course it wasn’t as if he wanted the Resistance base to be found and obliterated, but on the other hand, who did he have to fight for here? Ever since Han had gotten to take care of him, he’d tried to remove himself as much from it as possible, not liking the expectations having been put on his shoulders, certainly not wanting to argue more with Leia, so he couldn’t say he didn’t understand the former Stormtrooper. Besides, he owed him as much for having rescued him, and he didn’t like to be indebted.

“You want me to ship you out of here?” he asked, and when the other man nodded, asked, “I didn’t think… You and Poe got on so well, I thought you would’ve liked to stay,” while keeping his voice neutral, and apparently, that’d been a smart move as Finn averted his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yea, well, Poe is… Poe. He hasn’t seen the things I’ve seen. He was raised on this idea. I know it’s just not realistic. All I want is to get as far away from the First Order as possible. Maybe you could help me get some work, somewhere far away from here?” he said.

Ben gave a slight, wry smile, an idea having popped into his mind. “I don’t think _I_ can get you anything, but I have a friend who might.”

Somehow, the Falcon, loaded up with military equipment, made the trip to Takodana without breaking down, and thank the stars for that. He’d have to make just the most necessary repairs on it before he’d travel any further, though - wherever that may be.

Leaving D’Qar without a word had been oddly freeing. He could breathe easier just in the company of R-6 and the endless sea of stars, and while he might feel a pang of guilt at having left his mother behind without a goodbye, he felt it more than justified - and maybe it was a sort of petty revenge - after her years of mixed discipline and distance where she’d barely talked to him if it hadn’t been about her work in the New Republic or Resistance. Slowly, he’d stopped playing with the Resistance pilot doll Chewie had made for him in the long days where he’d been left alone, had just tried to imagine a different life of himself, had dreamt of going with his infamous dad on great adventures, or of joining his uncle and becoming a Jedi.

Scoffing to himself, Ben shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, wondering with a sort of bitter clarity how he’d been so foolish as to believe that could ever happen. Han had just been happy to be rid of him, never really fit to raise a child anyways, and probably relieved once he’d been shipped off to his old friend. And Luke hadn’t ever thought of him as anything but a threat, he realised that now, had looked at him with a fearful hate he hadn’t understood back then.

He wasn’t sure he understood now, either.

“Is it far yet?” Finn asked, and Ben hid a smile once he saw him come out wearing one of Poe’s old jackets.

“No, I was just about to make the jump, actually,” he said and made certain that he was holding onto the doorframe to the cockpit before the Falcon slowed down, and the system in front of them replaced the diffuse flashing lights of hyperspace.

“You haven’t told me a lot about this so-called friend, Ben,” he said, sounding a little on edge as he took a seat next to him, staring at the lush planet of Takodana they were approaching.

“Well, what can I say? Maz Kanata is… Hard to describe. Mind helping me land this thing? It’s harder without a co-pilot,” he said with a chuckle, and together, they completed the landing sequence and descended into the mild atmosphere of the haven.

The grand walls of Maz’ castle towered over them as they walked towards it, and the monumental statue of the old pirate, as always, brought a smile to his lips.

“Who’s that?” Finn asked, pointing to the statue, and he quickly slapped his hand down.

“It’s Maz, and if you want to keep your hand, I suggest you don’t point.”

“At what?”

Ben considered it, pausing at the doors. “Any of it.”

Pushing them open, the funky tunes of a band he didn’t recognise floated towards them, and he tried to keep his face as plain as possible as he walked on inside, tried to ignore how the conversations died down. Hell, he knew he was the son of a Senator, but it always hit him hard just how much it seemed like even the people in the same trade as him didn’t seem ready to discard that fact. He thought back on Gorgou, Maani and Cormin, on how they’d spit after him, called him a traitor. Was that how everyone felt about him?

Trying to shake that feeling off, he searched the room for her, found her staring right at them, her guests moving aside and out of her way as she walked towards them. A tight smile on his face, he said, “Maz, good to see you.”

“You sure are slow, Solo,” she said, narrowing her eyes first at him, then at Finn, and she reached up to adjust her glasses while humming thoughtfully to herself.

She certainly hadn’t changed.

“Did you expect me or something?” he asked, not quite sure what he wanted her to answer.

She shot him a sharp look, and it felt too much like she was staring right into his soul. He didn’t like it, and he wasn’t sure what she’d found once she nodded and waved them along to a little, more quiet nook with an empty table where they took a seat. “I was. I’m surprised you didn’t come sooner.”

Finn shot him a look that showed as much confusion as he felt, and he just shot one back that conveyed his I-don’t-know-either without him having to say anything.

“I have a favour to ask, Maz,” Ben began.

“If you’re as bad as repaying them as Han is, then I’m not sure I’ll do it.”

Clicking his tongue, he leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. “Good thing I’m not him, then. No, I’m just trying to help my friend out.”

“I’m just here to get a job that’ll get me as far away as possible,” Finn said, leaning forwards with his elbow on the table. “Outer Rim or the Colonies.”

Maz, cocking her head to the side, studied him intensely, the silence while they waited for her to answer drawing out longer and longer. “If you are certain that is what you want, then those two,” she inclined her head towards two aliens seated at a table, “are willing to take you to the Outer Rim in exchange for work.”

Finn’s brows furrowed for a moment, then he slowly rose to his feet and laid his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “And you don’t think I could join you?” he asked quietly, and though he wished he could say that of course they could go off together and make something for themselves, he shook his head.

“Sorry, Finn. I’m not someone you want to travel with, and I’m better off on my own. Thank you, for getting me out back then,” he said, the sad smile on his face mirrored on Finn’s, but in his dark eyes, there was veiled hurt and disappointment, too.

He felt bad, was almost about to say they could figure something out, that he could use a friend for this.

“Alright then,” he said and gave his shoulder one last clap before he turned to go. “Take care.”

“You too,” Ben said.

“Who is he?” Maz asked, looking after him.

“A friend who helped me out when I needed it. I owe him as much.”

“Hm. If that is all you came here to do, then why are you still at my table, young Solo?” she asked, not unkindly.

Clearing his throat, he ran a hand through his hair as he looked past her. Again he had to try and figure out how to ask the proper questions without revealing himself too much. With Leia, that was easy enough, but Maz? She was something else.

“I’ve been wanting to ask you some questions. About a… A woman. A girl you apparently had stay with you eight or nine years ago. Someone called Rey?” he tried, and her face flashed into his mind.

Maz took her time before answering, “Yes, she did spend a little time here. Not long, though. Why do you ask, boy?”

Pressing his lips together, he looked to the side before he re-established their eye contact. “She captured me.”

She waited, knew he had more to say.

“And I don’t know why, but I keep seeing her- not like that, but like we’re standing in front of each other. We can talk together, see each other as if we’re right there, and I don’t know what’s going on, why it’s happening,” he continued, still not sure if he was scared, curious or frustrated with that connection. Maybe all three.

“You’ve opened yourself up more to the Force. Isn’t it only natural you sense other people?” she asked.

He scoffed, “I don’t think that just because I’m able to feel the Force I’d suddenly see random people pop into my head. Besides, it happened… Before I began using the Force again, and it’s just her. What was she like, Rey? When she stayed with you? Was she here when I came along with Han?”

“That may be so. And she was a girl, a frightened one. It was a shame she left,” Maz sighed, “There was much potential in her, if the Resistance had gotten hold of her earlier.”

“What do you mean? I thought you weren’t into politics,” he asked to buy himself some time. What did she mean by Rey having potential with the Resistance?

“I’m not, but even if I’m not fond of any kind of politics, I do not think the First Order is the right way to govern the Galaxy.”

“Why do you say she had potential? Was there anything special about her?”

She gave him a long look that made him feel as if he was being sized up, judged as being worthy or not. Of what, he didn’t know. “I’m no Jedi, but I know the Force. In my many years, I’ve never seen someone so full of it as her.”

He knew she was strong, but if what Maz was saying was true, then she must be something close to invincible, right? He swallowed, trying not to think about what that could’ve had of consequences for him back when he was being interrogated. If she was that strong, then why had she gone so easy on him when she could’ve broken his mind completely? But even her strength couldn’t explain the visions they had of each other, if she was speaking the truth about not causing them, at least.

“Not unless I count you in.” She placed her hands on the table. “Ben, if you live long enough, you begin to see the same eyes in different people. You have hers. Don’t let yourself fall as she did. The things I see in you… She is extremely dangerous, and she has seen that, too. Given the opportunity, she’ll kill you when she gets the chance, if anything then simply because you are Leia’s son.”

Ben looked at the alien, didn’t know if he should tell her that this Kira had had plenty of chances to do that, both back at Luke’s temple and after Tuanul.

“Maz, I don’t want any trouble. I have no part in the Resistance, and I’m lying low as ever. That’s why I’m out of here - I only stopped by to drop Finn off. But Leia said that Rey’s parents were killed by the First Order, then how did she end up with you? Wouldn’t friends of Leia be more protected from the First Order?” he asked.

“She had a rough journey here, I’ll tell you as much. And believe me, Leia tried. Mero and Valkaya sold secrets to the First Order, though, in exchange for money they desperately needed, but in the end, Snoke and his intelligence workers must have found out they were double agents and killed them off. It was a shame. Leia so often liked to go and visit them, even if Valkaya didn’t like how interested she was in the girl - but how could she not be, given how powerful that Rey turned out to be?”

“Wait, hold on a second, they sold intel to the First Order?” he said, holding up a hand as if to keep her from continuing. “And was Leia just going there to see Rey? What was she doing that for?”

“Yes. Leia sensed the power in that child, wanted to have her train alongside you with Luke. She never told you any of this?” Maz said, sounding genuinely confused.

It felt like his head was spinning. Exhaling slowly, he rubbed his forehead. “Leia didn’t tell me, no.”

Maz narrowed her eyes.

“You’re angry with her, aren’t you?”

He snapped his head up, felt himself glaring and crossed his arms over his chest as he looked away. “We’re not on the best terms, no.”

“She’s trying her best to help you make the best choice for you, young Solo. You know that.”

The legs of the chair scraped along the floor with a sound that jarred in his ears, but he barely noticed, nostrils flaring as his hands balled up into fists.

“Yea? Maybe I’d like to make my own choices, for stars sake. I’m sick and tired of everyone knowing what’s best for me,” he snarled, leaving the table to stomp further into the crowded bar.

Still fuming, he paced until he came to an empty table, flopped down onto the seat and, seeing that Maz looked after him, promptly ignored her and flagged one of the serving droids down and ordered a glass of prow.

He felt like throwing it once it was served to him, but instead he downed it in one swig, exchanged the empty glass for a filled one, drank that too, and, drumming his fingers against the table, he sighed, then ran a hand through his hair.

The more he tried to find out about this Rey, the more he just seemed to learn that Leia hadn’t involved him in anything at all. If she’d meant for him to train alongside Rey, then had she known that it was that same girl who’d tried to kill him? And what were they supposed to train for? From what Maz had said, his mother had seemed keen on getting Rey to the Resistance, even if her mother had apparently been against it. Why hadn’t Leia told him any of this?

Just thinking about her seemed to make his skin crawl with irritation. Shaking his head, he stretched his arms out in front of him, looking down into the glass, absentmindedly swirling the last bit of blue beverage around when something seemed to… Tug at him.

Raising his head, he looked around, wondered if someone had said his name, but no one was paying him any special attention. He also knew he couldn’t be that drunk just by two drinks, could barely feel it, and his dark brows furrowed when he felt that odd tug again.

Rising to his feet, he glanced around, tried to find anything that stuck out. Without knowing where they were taking him, his legs seemed to walk on their own, bringing him further back, into a quiet nook. A piece of cloth hung as a curtain. Glancing over his shoulder, he brushed the fabric aside, and before him was a staircase, leading into the famed crypts beneath Takodana Castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, decided to tweak the chapter length as little as I DiedTM over those kinda long chapters and this is a better chunk of work for me lmao  
> Do you prefer longer or shorter chapters?


	5. Lingering in these old stones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben explores Takodana castle a little further, and he finds more than he could ever have expected. It's not pleasant for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I,, am a bit nervous about the composition of this chapter but I hope it works!

The vaults were dark, the air cooler and damp compared to that of the crowded bar above. Somehow, a thick quiet settled over him as he slowly climbed down the steps, it seeming to drown out the noise of Maz’ guests. The stone vaulted over him in smooth arches, and he shuddered at the cold as his eyes adjusted to the gloom.

The tug, the vibration in the Force became stronger, compelled him to come closer, and so he did. Too drawn in to consider if he was intruding or not, he walked down the hallway, slowly at first, but then his pace picked up until he reached another door, smaller than the others. The wood it was made out of was ancient-looking, the hinges rusted, and Ben cringed when it squeaked loudly as he pulled it open.

Inside, no torches or windows let in light, and, waiting breathlessly, he squinted, trying to look through the darkness. The sound of loud laughter even came down as far as here, and again, he glanced over his shoulder, half expecting to see Maz standing in the hallway behind him.

His vision adjusting, he now saw that there hardly was anything inside the room at all; just a few things stacked in the corner, a bundle that could be a bedroll of sorts, old knick-knacks and Rebel Alliance patches and symbols on rings, jackets, posters.

Scrunching his lips to the side, he turned around, a bit of disappointment beginning to spread out like a dampening on the curiosity he’d felt, and, giving a sigh, he walked in a little further. That something was close now, whatever it’d been. He closed his eyes, feeling for it, needed to know what had brought him here.

He went to the stack in the corner, kneeled down beside it, and felt around, fingers meeting smooth wood and cool metal, sharp edges and polished surfaces. They grasped something soft, some kind of cloth.

Whatever the piece contained was small enough to easily fit in the palm of his hand.

Standing, he walked back to the doorway, let the light shine in on it. The cloth slid aside, revealing a glittering, jagged crystal. Glimmers of dark red sparked out from its inside as he turned it over.

Ben looked down at the crystal, it feeling oddly heavy in his hand.

Why did Maz have a Qixoni crystal?

He recalled the legends about them, how they would burn light side users if they touched a blade fuelled by one, and, holding his breath, he let the pad of his index finger hover over it, almost touching it.

He felt no menacing energy, no pain, not yet, and only a light shock when he actually made contact with the Qixoni, a shock similar to when you climb old electric fences just designed to keep animals in.

Ben stared down at the crystal, wondering why his finger didn’t feel like it was on fire or something, was sort of relieved that it had at least stung. Didn’t like what it meant that it hadn’t hurt more, though.

He saw his old sabre, saw the pieces of the destroyed weapon he’d built himself scattered on the wet grass, broken by his uncle. Glancing down at his blaster, he looked at the crystal again, just for a little while, then shook his head, wrapped it back up in the cloth it’d been in.

“Ah, I thought that I might find you down here,” Maz said.

He started, quickly stuck the crystal into his pocket.

“It’s calling to you, isn’t it?” she asked, smiling faintly.

Heart pounding, Ben turned to look at her as she walked closer, past him, and just when he thought she was about stretch her hand out for the crystal he’d found, she pulled a wooden chest out from the pile and flipped open the lid.

Inside lay a lightsabre. One he recognised.

“You’re still hot-headed, Ben, and you have much to learn, but if that girl is trying to get to you, you should take this.”

His throat was dry. It took a few attempts for him to answer, and the crystal felt like it was burning a hole through his pocket.

Maz held Luke’s, Anakin’s, lightsabre up for him to take. The weapon of the legacy he’d so wanted to flee from the moment he’d realised he’d be nothing but it if he allowed that yoke to be put onto his shoulders.

“I have a blaster,” he said flatly.

She chuckled. “You shouldn’t be afraid of taking it. Stars know it’s seen its fair share of doubtful young men. It’ll guide you too, help you cut through the dark.”

Guide him. It sounded like another way of saying people knew what he ought to do, what he ought to want.

“I’m not a Jedi,” he tried.

Maz resolutely took his hand, placed the sabre in it, and closed his fingers around it. “I wouldn’t take that term too seriously. You have the Force. It is with you, and though I see your struggle, Ben, I know that you will do what’s right in the end. You know what you have to do. You have to help the Resistance. Have to help your mother. Have to finish what Luke started. He made some mistakes - mistakes you won’t make.”

Ben had to resist the urge to chuck the sabre straight into the floor. Instead, he shifted his weight to the other foot, exhaled slowly, knew he couldn’t afford to piss Maz off no matter how angry her words made him. She was one of the few of those in the smuggling business who didn’t distrust, or, worse, detest him.

“I can’t take this. It’s not mine, it’s not my fight,” he said, voice raw, wanted to let go of the cold metal.

“Yes, it is. There is only one fight, one war. And you’re needed in it,” she said, peering into his eyes.

It took him a bit to meet them, and he didn’t like the knowing look he found there. As her eyes narrowed, as her brows began to rise, he pulled his hand toward him, glanced away, cleared his throat and reluctantly clicked the sabre into his belt.

“I’m taking it, then, if that’ll make you happy.”

“Ben, if you’re still worried about that Rey girl - forget her. She’s a lost cause. She ran away from me to join Snoke out of her own free will. Forget her, and help your family,” Maz said, “In time, I believe you’ll know what’s right. I truly do,” Maz said. “Kira Ren _can_ be brought down, as can the First Order, but not unless it gets help. From _you_.” She looked up at him, her hand still on his arm. “Whatever connection you feel you have with her, it isn’t real. That woman is one of Snoke’s finest tools, if not the finest. She is more than capable of manipulating people to her will, and though you are strong, Ben, she will have you caught in her web, too, if you are not careful. I know you’ll do what’s right,” she said, and with that, she left him standing with the legacy lightsabre like a doomed burden in his hands.

Help his family. The family of his estranged father, of the mother he couldn’t seem to stop arguing with, of the uncle who blamed him for all that had gone wrong and who had crushed his foolish, childish dream of becoming a great Jedi like him.

What a great, noble thing to fight for.

And still, he wanted to, if only that could bring him some reconciliation. If only someone, if only Han would see that he had actually become a good smuggler, if only Leia could realise that he had tried, had really _tried_ to follow in her footsteps until she’d given up and sent him away to train with Luke. Until he’d given up on him, too.

“Now, that’s a lot to put on your shoulders. Come up when you’re ready to leave, would you? I’d like to tell you how I got a hold of that old thing over a drink,” Maz said.

“Yeah, sure,” Ben said automatically, gaze set to infinity for Force knows how long after she’d left, leaving him standing alone in the crypts, feeling more alone and misunderstood than ever.

Exhaling sharply, he turned, running a hand through his hair, and was prepared to turn to leave as well when something seemed to pulse, thrum, to his right. Brows furrowing, he glanced over his shoulder. Maz wasn’t there.

_I’m sorry._

He could have sworn he heard a voice whisper something, behind him, above him, he didn’t know.

_I should have been stronger._

Was it inside his own head? It seemed to echo. Goosebumps crawled up over his arms and trickled down over his whole body.

Needing the distraction, he leaned forwards, peered into the gloom, and saw a branch of the crypt stretching out before him.

He walked back further into the room, squatted back by the pile, reached out his hand, was about to drop the crystal. Something seemed to keep his hand from opening up, though. Himself, the Force, something else, he didn’t know. Hesitating, he swallowed thickly and noticed that the wall here was indeed not wall - it was another door.

It made a far too loud noise when he moved away the stuff that was blocking the door. A battered old helmet clanged as it hit the floor. Ben, too focused, didn’t care, just pulled at the dry old wood until the gap was wide enough for him to squeeze through.

The dust in the tight passage got into his lungs, seemed to coat his mouth, and he coughed, covering the bottom half of his face in his elbow as he, with watering eyes, walked on ahead. By now, it was so dark that he had to turn on Luke’s old sabre. The stone of the walls was rougher, the air damp and cool. He couldn’t see any footsteps in the dust, neither to his left nor to his right, but there was a staircase of sorts, leading up into more blackness. Hesitating for a moment, he took in a deep breath and started climbing.

His boots covered in a fine film of dirt, Ben reached walked past a few more doors, but entered through none of them. Something else, something higher up, was what he needed to find. The insistent tugging at his gut growing stronger and stronger, he finally came to a halt after rounding too many corners and squeezing through too many tight spaces that he had lost all sense of direction.

He pushed the door open though it stuck, stumbling into the small room as he used his shoulder to shove it open. Turning off the sabre, he peered around, squinting at the sunlight that came in through a high window. The floorboards creaked, but it was barely noticeable over the noise he recognised as belonging to the main room of Maz’ bar. A glimmer of light caught his eye, and he saw a crack in the wall near the floor, next to some old blankets and knickknacks he didn’t care to investigate right now.

Hitching the sabre into his belt, Ben kneeled down, squeezing one eye shut and peering through the crack with the other, he saw the bustling crowd of the Takodana haven beneath him, saw aliens and humans alike drinking, chatting, lounging. He straightened and looked around the room, frustration at not having found anything interesting yet beginning to bubble in his chest. When he lifted up the blankets, he found nothing but more dust, and he went to the window for fresh, not so stale air. This stuck, too, and the window came open so suddenly open he was glad it was only wide enough to poke your head through.

The trees stood swaying gently in the wind beyond the many starships, worn pathways winding like curving trails between them.

His brows knitted together when he saw a black haired boy helping carrying a crate, but something about it wasn’t right. Goosebumps shot up when he realised he was looking at himself, as a young teen, and the man he was helping out was Han. Stumbling back, he snapped his head to the side when he heard something, a faint echo of a thud, then wood creaking. Stomach filled with a hard, tight knot, Ben tried to keep the confusion at bay and instead knew the sound was familiar. Sliding his hands over the floor, heart pounding, he found a board that stuck up slightly, the nails in it loose, and he pulled them free along with the board.

He reached inside. A little book of sorts was in his hand when he pulled it back out of the hiding place, the cover worn, faded and scratched. Unwinding the leather string that kept it together, he flitted through the first pages written in Basic, saw they were just handwritten instructions on how to fix the hyperdrive of a YT-2400, and disappointment welled in his throat. Giving a sigh, he almost chucked the book right out the window, but when he looked to the side, for just a brief second, he saw a girl, dark-haired and bandaged, sitting scribbling in something that looked awfully akin to the book he was holding. She was gone when he blinked again. He flipped a few more pages, came to blank ones, went further, and then, the handwriting changed, and, wracking his brain, he thought the language might be Saurin, but he couldn’t say for sure.

Feeling the scribbles were oddly familiar, Ben almost held his breath when he gingerly lowered his hand to trace a finger over the lines.

_Rey pressed herself back up into the corner, her legs folded up in front of her and arms wrapped around her knees, ratty hair a dirty, tangled mess atop her head. Squeezing her eyes shut, she heard the footsteps of Gelasi walking down in the little space there was between the rows of cages._

_A clang of metal rang out in the storage room of the freighter, and even though she wanted to cover her ears, she needed to know what was going on, needed to know if it was her turn to go in the ring. The discontented growl of some animal she couldn’t identify the species of from its call alone echoed hollowly, and she heard Gelasi rumble out a warning in Kaleesh as she smacked her rifle against the cage, and then the footsteps continued onwards._

_Rey’s breathing quickened, she made herself as small as possible, the still-healing claw marks on her arm stinging as she held on tight to her own body, staring over the top of her knobbly knees at the worn, greyish cloth that kept her from seeing what was happening. Her arm throbbed; she feared the wound was festering, but she barely had enough water to drink, let alone clean herself with. She just had to hold on and hope for the best. She gripped the kyber pendant of the necklace given to her as a birth gift, had a childish, irrational hope it’d somehow shield her - as if it hadn’t helped her at all all those other times._

_Gelasi halted in front of her cage. The cloth whispered as she lifted it off. Rey raised her head, staring into the mask made of a skull, the bone withered and barely visible in the dim light._

_“You, up,” the Kaleesh barked at her, her Basic sounding choppy and curt._

_The bars of the cage dug into her back. She shook her head. The woman grumbled something she couldn’t understand. Rey flinched as the door slammed open, tried to scramble away as she reached inside, but there wasn’t enough room and she grabbed her by the elbow, dragging her out and down between the rows of cages._

_The exotic creatures Gelasi owned growled and howled, throwing themselves against their confinements. Knowing it was useless to fight, Rey followed limply along, staggering behind the woman, squinted against the bright sunlight as the ramp opened up to yet another planet where she was to be part of the entertainment for the day._

_The crowd cheered around the makeshift fighting ring that stood in the clearing in the lush forest. Absently, she noted that there was a lake to her left that she would have liked to have a swim in it and just float in the water, letting everything else be blocked out._

_Her knees scraped against the ground, fallen, dry leaves sticking to her palm as she was pushed forwards. The wooden staff that was her only weapon against the animal waiting behind the gate at the opposite side of the ring was thrown in next to her, and with trembling knees, she picked it up as Gelasi called out to the audience._

_“Ladies and gentlemen! You’ve seen brawls, you’ve seen beast fight against beast, but now, I have something truly special for you! You see this girl? Yes, she is scrawny, might look very weak to you, but she has a special talent that will amaze you to see. Place your bets with me, and enjoy the show!” the Kaleesh said, it clinking as aliens and humans alike placed their bets with her._

_Rey used the staff to get to her feet, rubbing her face as she focused on the gate. It wouldn’t be any use trying to get one of those watching to help her. She’d tried and been met with nothing more that indifference, had been pushed back in to continue her fighting, and she shook her head, getting rid of those thoughts._

_If she wanted to survive, she couldn’t risk allowing herself to be distracted._

_The gate opened with a creak that jarred on her ears. Rey pressed her lips together, gripping the staff, eternally grateful her mother had taught her how to use one for when she’d been sent out to herd sheep._

_A doglike, dark grey creature yowled as one of Gelasi’s helpers prodded the animal, and it sprang out at her. Rey felt her hands begin to sweat as she held the staff in both hands, and she swallowed as the Vornskr began circling her, snapping its jaws as it prowled closer and closer. It lowered itself into a haunch, and Rey rolled to dodge, quickly getting up onto her feet, but something tore into her back and she screamed in pain. Turning, she whacked the animal over the paw that had clawed her, used its distractedness to run to the other end of the ring, panting as the three parallel wounds stung, sending white-hot jabs of pain throughout her torso._

_“Come on!” someone from the crowd called._

_“Is that really all she’d got?” another joined in, sounding disappointed._

_Rey raised her staff in front of her, trying not to let the fear freeze her to the ground. She looked into the dark eyes of the hound,_ saw _it, and felt something there._

_It slowed, halted, nostrils flaring as it sniffed at her._

I don’t want to hurt you _, she said in her mind, tried to will the creature into understanding that._ Please?

_Ignoring the booing crowd, she only had eyes for the animal as it uncertainly sat down. She carefully took a few, slow steps closer, Gingerly, she stretched out her hand, held her breath and didn’t even blink as the Vornskr eyed her. No hostility came off of it. Its ribs were countable as were her own, and she saw the scars over its muzzle and back._

You’ve been hurt too _, she said, feeling that_ something _fill her body with a pleasant warmth._

_The hound whined, its dark brown eyes peering into hers with mutual understanding, and just when it was close enough to sniff at her hand, the crackle of electricity made the animal yelp and it knocked her over as it fled._

_It was met by another helper with an electroprodder that forced it back, zapping it, badgering it until it’d attack and provide the entertainment Gelasi had built her business on._

_Rey didn’t have time to get up before the hound was on her, fear and ferocity burning in the creature as it jumped her. Forcing the staff up against its chest, her arms trembled with the effort of keeping it far enough away as sharp teeth snapped too closely to her neck. Sweat trickling down her temple, she grunted as she pushed upwards, somehow managing to push the animal off of her - and so strongly that it landed a few metres away from her._

_Surprised, Rey still didn’t have time to think as it was already getting back up, and feeling a surge of energy course through her, she raised her staff and ran towards the animal, slamming it at the side of its head with her staff with a warcry that made the birds in the canopy above flutter into flight._

_It was her or it that was going to die. That audience wouldn’t be satisfied until they got their money’s worth._

_Rey fought back her tears, determined not to cry in front of all these people as she delved deep inside herself and brought forth that energy she knew she possessed._

_Lightning crackled from her fingers._

_She gasped at the sensation, felt like her whole arm was numb, and, blinking rapidly, felt dizzy enough that she fell to her knees._

_Her vision was blurry enough that she barely noticed how the Vornskr had fallen and was yet to get up. The ringing in her ears prevented her from hearing much of the heated conversation that went down by where Gelasi was standing, and only slowly did she get to her feet, staggering as she went._

I’m sorry _, she thought blearily as she looked at the Vornskr._

_“Come, girl, let’s get you cleaned up,” a warm voice said, kind, yet stern._

_Rey flinched away from the touch as the woman tried to help her up, still panting, the tears somehow having spilled over in her eyes._

_“Easy,” she said, stretching her hand out for the girl, “You’re safe with me. Now come, before that Gelasi gets any more funny ideas,” Maz said._

_Rey stared at the small alien, stared into her brown eyes, and she saw someone who just wanted to help her._

_Her own hand shaking, she took the one offered to her, and allowed the woman to lead her out of the fighting ring and away, through the lush forest for a bit until they reached a momentous castle._

_“Now, girl,” the woman said as she led her inside the thankfully empty main hall where she made her sit down while she fetched food, drink and a medkit, “You should tell me who you are.”_

_Still trying to stifle her sniffling, she wiped under her nose with the back of her hand. “I’m- I’m Rey,” she said, daring to meet the alien’s eyes for a moment before she looked down at her bare, dirty feet again._

_“Rey, hm? I’m Maz. You’re going to stay here for a little, Rey, and you will be safe.”_

Centaxday

I have seen a boy today. There are plenty of men here, but not boys. He doesn’t look like a farmer. Maz says he’s a smuggler like his father, and that his name is Solo. That is a weird last name. It’s nice to look at him, though. I don’t know why, but I can’t hear that old man as much when I can see him.

He’s telling me that I should come soon. He’s telling me that I need to train to become better. I know I could have saved you, mom, dad, if I’d been stronger, I know I could. I’m sorry. He says that if I go with him, I’ll become strong, maybe even strong enough to bring you back. He says that the people I’m staying with are bad, and I know what I saw. Maz seems nice enough though, I don’t know, but if she’s bad too, then I should leave. I don’t know what to do.

_She didn’t need to, but whispered the words as she wrote regardless, bent over the pages as she wrote each letter, tiny and careful, wanting to fill up the pages. Carefully letting the pages slide down into place, she slipped the book shut and thumbed the cover for a moment or two before she got to her feet again. Peering around as if expecting anyone to be looking at her, she scuttled over the floor, pried open the board, and stuck the diary inside._

_Feeling skittish as seemed to be happening more and more lately, Rey got to her feet, standing on the tips of her toes to peer out over the edge of the windowsill, out onto the great lake and lush forest. Her gaze wasn’t fixed on the scenery, though, no; something else had caught her eye._

_It was that boy._

_Where was he? He’d been hauling crates just now, along with a man she presumed was his father, and a great hairy thing, too._

_Oh, they were coming out of the castle now._

_Something seemed to settle in her, a calmness, an odd sense of safety, familiarity._

_The ravenhaired boy paused, his long face struck with confusion._

_She gasped when he turned and looked up at the castle, right up at her._

_If it hadn’t been for the fact that her aunt Carang lived nearby, she wasn’t sure how she’d managed to go on. The drought had been bad enough as it was, and all crops, however little there’d been, had been brought in already, and Rey didn’t think it was a good idea to drink the water in the stream as it was shallower than it’d ever been, and wasn’t very clear, either. It just made the scorching sun feel even hotter against her bowed, sunburnt scalp._

_Her lips were so dry and chapped that they cracked if she moved them too much, and the skin on her face and bare arms was red and peeling off, and every step was more staggering than the last as she forced one foot in front of the other again and again, hazel eyes squeezed together against the harsh light. She’d had to leave the forest that had provided her with shade and enough water to sustain her until now, but that had been two days ago, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could go on._

_Hoisting herself up onto the rock took almost more effort than she had to spare, her thin arms trembling as she grunted. She was hazy enough that she barely felt it when she scraped her knee against the jagged stone, and a weak smile crept up on her face when she saw the little cottage in the valley, the home of her aunt and uncle._

_Knocking on the door, Rey tried to comb the twigs and leaves and dirt out of her hair, but she didn’t have much time before a man opened up, his face worn by the weather and hard work, but his eyes weren’t unkind._

_“Rey? What’re you doing here? Come on in, let’s get you cleaned up,” he said, suprised, but gently leading her inside with a hand on her back regardless. She could’ve cried if she’d had any tears left._

_Rinsed off, her knee bandaged and her stomach full with water and tough bread, Rey laid on the low bed in the corner of the only room of the building, sleepy and relieved that Carang and Tovarr had taken her in even though they had their own baby to take care of. Despite how heavy her eye lids felt, she looked up at the cradle as Carang rocked it from side to side, staring blankly into the wall, her cheeks hollow. Her face was lined, from worry, from a hard life, and yet her features looked so much like her father’s it was almost like Mero was here now._

_Rolling over onto her other side, Rey stifled her cries and instead let the tears wet the pillow in silence as she balled up around herself, trying not to think about all that she’d lost. That wouldn’t bring them back. Neither would crying about it._

_Stirring awake from an uneasy sleep, she wondered what’d woken her up. Something felt off - maybe she’d had a nightmare? No, there were voices… She didn’t know what it was about it, but something told her to lie still and just_ listen _, and that she did, eyes closed but ears more than open._

_“She said she’s been looking for her for some days now…” a man, probably Tovarr, said in a hushed tone._

_“I don’t want a Kaleesh around the baby for longer than necessary, and if she already knows that we have her, then we can’t really do much, can we? Isn’t it out of our hands? We have no weapons, we can’t do anything, if she’s asking for her,” Carang said, sounding more like she was talking to herself than trying to convince her husband._

_“And she said she would pay now,” he said, and the silence drew out. “We’ll be able to buy a harvester and more land with the kind of money she’s offering.”_

_She wanted to get up and run, but somehow didn’t seem able to move._

_“Is she still out there?” she asked._

_“Yea, just a little ways off.”_

_The silence returned, and Rey’s heart pounded in her chest as a chair scraped over the dirt floor._

_She bolted upright, and despite how black spots danced in front of her eyes, she dashed for the door. Strong, coarse hands grabbed her arms before she could escape. He held her tight even though she squirmed in his grip._

_“Let me go! Let me go!” Rey screamed as she thrashed, kicking at Tovarr. He slapped her on the side of her head, his face oddly blank, his eyes almost unseeing as he half dragged, half carried her out the door while she was still recovering from the shock of it all._

_“Carang! Please,_ please _!” she called through the sobs that tore through her chest, twisted her neck to look back at the cottage. Her aunt stood in the doorway, her features drawn as she held her child in her arms, and there was no emotion in the eyes of her father’s sister._

_Still clawing desperately at her uncle, she dug her heels in as he took her to the top of the hill, but, still weakened by her days of wandering on her own without food or care, she couldn’t fight her way out of it, could only watch in horror as a starship came into view, silhouetted in solid black against the night sky._

_A figure was standing in front of it, a mask made of bone covering her face, a rifle strapped to her back._

_“So you made a decision. Good,” the woman said and fished out a pouch from her belt._

_The contents chinked unmistakably. Her eyes widened as the full realisation hit her._

_Tovarr took the money, let go of her once the Kaleesh had grabbed her hard enough to bruise. Rey stared up at him, pleading for him not to do this, he didn’t have to, he had to understand that, didn’t he?_

_He turned his back to her and began walking downhill once more, and the alien dragged her inside. She had to do something. Bowing her head, she allowed herself a few seconds of sinking into the bottomless pit of despair that’d opened beneath her just when she’d thought she was safe, and, as the woman’s grip slackened just slightly, Rey yanked her arm towards herself with a grunt of effort. She started sprinting. The butt of the riffle hit her in the back of the head, and she crumpled to the ground with a yelp of pain, dizzy, disoriented, dazed. Gasping for breath, the dust getting into her lungs, she coughed, heaving herself up on her hands and knees, had to get away. The footsteps slowly came closer behind her, but she didn’t have time to look, and then something slammed into the back of her head once again and she fell, the dry earth sticking to her sweaty cheek._

She could taste the dust in her mouth as she started upright in bed. Forehead damp with cold sweat, coughing only made her shallow breathing worse, and still, she had the feeling there was sand in her teeth, that her tongue was dry, that her head was aching. Patting her covers, they suffocated her, and she tugged wildly at them. Springing up, Rey stumbled away from her bed, almost fell, but regained her balance. Still, it strained tightly in her chest. Her throat was closed up, it didn’t feel like any air was getting in at all. Bracing her hand against the wall, she blinked rapidly, gasped for breath, and it felt like she was falling even though she knew very well she was in her quarters on the Supremacy.

Clenching her fist, she dug her nails into her palm, felt the hot tears that came no matter how she tried to keep them down, felt them well up as they stung in her eyes, and, heaving for breath, she rested her forehead against the smooth, cool wall. Teeth bared, breathing ragged, she clenched and unclenched her hands, focused on the slight pain it brought.

What was that?

It thrummed, gave a faint clap as the hilt of her sabre flew into her hand.

The crimson blade crackled even before she’d turned around.

Where she’d expected an infiltrator, an assassin, enemy, maybe even that bitch Gelasi, if she was letting the irrational part of her brain take over more than it already had, she just found Ben, stumbling backwards until he fell.

Her entire body chilled.

His chest was rising and falling in a quick rhythm as he laid there, not even trying to get up.

Rey hurriedly wiped her eyes, prayed he hadn’t seen. Knew he had.

“Get out!” she snarled, still aiming the sabre at him.

She stiffened when she saw what he was holding.

Her diary.

Her gut dropped.

“Where did you get that?” she demanded, tried to keep her voice smooth, hated it for trembling ever so slightly.

“It was just here!” Ben said, agitated as he got to his feet.

Reluctant, she shut off her blade, and the silence was all too thick as the sound of it was no longer there to fill it out.

Just here. He was on Takodana? Was he in _her room?_

“It’s mine,” she snarled, had half a mind to tackle him and pry it from him.

He glanced down at the book, then back up at her, and swallowed. The fear she’d seen in his dark eyes had been replaced by something else, and, as his brows knitted together, Rey, mortified, realised that she was still panting, and a wave of dizzying realisation hit her.

This was not how she wanted to be seen. Especially not by him. Especially not right now. And the Force only seemed to want to let these visions end whenever it found it appropriate.

“I can’t exactly give it back,” he said, voice sounding strained. He was looking at a point right above her shoulder.

Rey stretched out her hand. Time to test this bond.

“Try,” she dared him. Took a step forward.

Finally, he looked at her, expression wary. Then, something shifted, the bottom of his left eye giving a twitch. It betrayed him.

She saw where his hand was headed. Met his swing with the bright blue sabre, parried it, rammed it down into the floor.

As quickly as he’d appeared, he was gone yet again.

Rey cursed as she turned off her weapon once more, looked about her room though she knew it was pointless. Pressing her lips together, she ran a hand through her hair, glanced to her bed, and knew it was futile to try going back to sleep.

He was gone. And he had her diary, her innermost thoughts. How much had he read, had he seen? It didn’t matter how much. Too much.

Ben looked down at the Skywalker sabre, looked at the hand holding it as if it’d acted on its own. In a way, he supposed it had. Hitching it back into his belt, he tried to figure out what the hell was going on. He’d seen her again, that much was clear. Everything else didn’t make any sense.

That girl had been her, he’d seen her fight against the Vornskr, had seen her cuts and wounds, had felt her terror and dread like a leaden lump in his own stomach. Had felt it once again when he’d seen her, so horribly vulnerable, curled in around herself like a hurt animal, tears in her eyes until she’d pointed her sabre at him. He supposed that was fair enough - he’d be pretty eager to be alone if she’d seen him like that.

The pity mingled with the odd curiosity he couldn’t quite reject, mixed with the fear he still harboured for her.

Had she been sleeping? Had that been a nightmare? He remembered when he’d had them himself. For some reason, he had a hard time imagining Kira as allowing herself to break down like that, no matter how bad she felt. Of course, he knew shell shock was no merciful mistress, but she just seemed to have been caught off guard. He’d seen it - had seen _her_. He wasn’t sure what that meant at all, just knew that she’d been more than ready to kill him off right then and there for having seen her bared like that. Yet she hadn’t tried to.

She’d heard that voice, too?

He felt dizzy.

Ben barely noticed how he got out of Rey’s old room, how he came back up out of the vaults. He only knew that Maz didn’t try and bother him as he pushed his way through the crowded bar and out into the fresh sunshine.

He turned, not noticing Finn who was in the middle of carrying cargo up onto another freighter, not noticing R-6 as it bumbled down the ramp of the Millennium Falcon or its penetratingly insistent beeping.

Snapping his head to the side once he heard someone running towards him, his worries were pushed aside once he saw the look on Finn’s face.

“What? What is it?” he asked, the concern for his friend overpowering the insistent presence of his churning thoughts.

“It was Poe. The First Order knows they’re on D’Qar. Ben, they need our help, or they’re not going to make it,” he pleaded.

“But I thought- didn’t you say this wasn’t your fight?”

“Yea, but this is… This is different. Please, Ben, we have to help them. We have to,” he said, grabbing his arm.

His eyes flitting over his face, Ben tried to figure out if he even wanted to help them out at all, but as he realised Finn would just try and get there anyways with his help or not, he nodded his head. “Alright,” he gave in, “Alright, do you have anything to go on?” he asked.

“It was just a short radio message, but he said something about the Illum system. That’s all I know,” Finn said as they ran to the Falcon, R-6 following them as fast as it could.

“Then we’ll go there, figure out a plan later,” Ben said, mostly to himself, as he fired up the engines and, with the aid of the droid, set a new course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love to see the BBEG being exposed as vulnerable dont we


	6. Friends close, enemies closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance has found Starkiller Base.
> 
> The First Order will use it as an opportunity to strike the rebels down once and for all.
> 
> The battle stands on Starkiller Base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the late chapter, I have my final exams this week, I'm taking my license and I have to sew my graduation outfit plus trying to maintain a social life (we're gonna watch TRoS on thursday and i lowkey dont wanna watch that trainwreck again lmao) but!! Here we are!  
> I hope all you guys are staying safe and healthy!  
> Enjoy the chapter!

Armitage walked past her with a shit-eating grin she would’ve liked to wipe right off his face if it hadn’t been for the fact that they were in the throne room of the Supremacy. She supposed he’d earned it, though; Hux had managed to build a weapon with a power never seen before in the history of the Galaxy, he’d done it efficiently - as was his way - and he kept it running smoothly. Now he was even close to finding the Resistance base, and it was only a matter of time before that, too, would get destroyed and the First Order would have absolute power once the rebels were snuffed out. Of course he was smirking like he was the greatest man in the entire world.

It just didn’t make what awaited her any more enjoyable.

Already, she could sense Snoke’s unpredictable temper building up to something, and her gut was telling her it wasn’t going to be anything pleasant. With heavy steps, she kept her back straight and chin up, but her hands were clenched at her sides, and yet again, she had to kneel before the throne as she was bid.

From the moment the vision of that boy had ended, she’d slammed up the walls around herself, still couldn’t let Snoke sense the fear she still felt waking from those nightmares, nor did she want him to know that one of their enemies had seen her so vulnerable. Still, it was hard to keep the humiliation of it at bay, and instead - instead she honed it into anger, knew Snoke expected as much from her, wouldn’t get suspicious if he only saw fire.

“Kira Ren,” Snoke’s raspy voice rang out at her, and she slowly raised her head to look at him as he continued, “There’s been an awakening. Have you felt it?”

“I have,” she said, trying to resist the urge to follow him with her gaze as he walked around her, his guards standing by at the edge of the room, as still as statues. “The smuggler.”

“The Solo boy… I didn’t think he would ever rise to the legacy of his bloodline. Which is why I have not disparaged you further for your failure to have disposed of him. But now, if his powers continue to build, we will have a mighty enemy at our hands,” Snoke said, halting to stare her down.

She looked straight ahead, jaw clenched, eyes fixed on that empty throne.

“You must fulfil the mission you failed to complete back when I first found you. I had never expected such an outcome from you, the raw, untamed power… A diamond amongst coals. And yet you failed.”

 _I was no more than a child_ , she wanted to say, wanted to explain herself. Remembered that night again.

“I suppose the fault was mine. I overestimated you. Pray that is not the case again.”

He sat back down on the throne, studying her intently before he said, “The Millennium Falcon is on its way to Starkiller Base as we speak, along with more Rebel scum. Kill Ben Solo and take out whatever hope the Resistance has of defeating us.” He paused, seeming to watch for a reaction she wasn’t willing to give him, and a cruel smile made his scarred, thin lips curl upwards. “Good. You are ready, my young apprentice. I sense the vengefulness soaring through you. Now go,” he dismissed her with a wave of the hand, and she smoothly rose back up on her feet.

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” she said.

He only gave her a look that was a warning of what was to come if she dared fail him again before she turned around.

Kira Ren walked straight to her awaiting ship, eager to have just a bit of time alone to gather herself and her churning thoughts, but the flight to Starkiller Base wasn’t nearly long enough. Still, it was a relief to watch the Supremacy disappear out of the night sky, and yet, she was still on edge as she walked with Phasma and Hux.

“There’s a certain YT-model freighter that must be let through our shields,” Kira Ren said, wondering if Ben would indeed be foolish enough to try and land on Starkiller Base.

Hux frowned. “Why? I’m not going to let the Resistance get any shot at damaging my base,” he protested, but shut up once she informed him it was a direct order from the Supreme Leader himself.

“Fine,” he sneered, “Phasma, make sure we have enough troops stationed to handle an assault, no matter how weak it may be.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll alert my soldiers at once,” the woman said.

“It must be something special if Snoke wants them dealt with by you,” Hux noted, glancing at her.

“It’s not for you to concern yourself with. I have it under control,” she answered.

“Oh, I won’t. But I will guess - does it have something to do with the prisoner you let escape?”

“I thought we established it was one of your so-called perfect Stormtroopers who turned out to be a traitor to us all, Hux. Mind your own business. Enjoy the show as we crush the Resistance once and for all,” Kira said. Tried not to think about the task at hand.

He frowned, looking straight ahead, his lips curling upwards, and even though the General was as sensitive to the Force as a stone - probably even less, if she was being honest - she could still feel his anticipation like a hum in it.

“I will enjoy it,” he said, rounding the corner and separating from the two women.

Phasma’s footfalls were heavy, steady, next to her own. Silent, Kira nodded slightly to a group of Stormtroopers patrolling the hallways.

Turning her head toward the Captain, she said, “Keep patrols to a minimum around the oscillator. I want them to think they’re safe, that it’s going to be easy for them.”

“Shall I interfere once we catch them in the act, Madam?”

“No. I’ll do this on my own.”

“Pava and Rose managed to make a recon pod that could evade the First Order’s radars, and it’s in the Ilum system, we’ve found out as much, and that’s why we still have a fighting chance. Thing is, they’ve found out where we are, too,” Poe said, sounding a mix between infinitely tired and truly desperate - and yet his voice that crackled through the battered transmitter was laced with set determination. “They’re recharging right now. We need to destroy it before they can fire it, or the Resistance is gone.”

“You can’t evacuate or anything?” Ben asked, wondering if there was any way to make the Falcon go just a fraction faster. Wondering why he was cooperating with his mother’s practically adopted son, too.

“No, there’s no time. There’s barely any left to destroy it,” Poe answered, “I’m taking Black Squadron there now. We can’t get in unless the shields are disabled though.”

“What? You didn’t stop to figure out how to do that before you just went flying at it?” Finn asked in disbelief.

“Well, we were kind of counting on you two to do that, but _someone_ wasn’t at the base when I woke up, were they now?” he asked bitterly.

Finn pursed his lips, turned to Ben, who was rubbing his face.

_For Force’s sake._

“Poe, I swear…” he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Okay, what is it that we’re supposed to do?”

Now really wasn’t the time to have reservations about helping out the Resistance, even if he wasn’t fond of Poe Posterboy Dameron. There were good people in there, too. He briefly thought of Paige, much friendlier towards him than the pilot had been on Jakku. And he’d seen how Hosnian Prime had been utterly destroyed, even if he and Leia had come to argue not soon afterwards. After he’d seen Kira again.

“Disable the shields. Finn, you told me you knew where they are located, so you can turn them off, right?” Poe said.

“I do, sort of, but how the hell are we going to get in if there’s a shield around the entire thing?” the former Stormtrooper asked.

Ben raised his head.

“Oh no. Ben,” Finn said, “Please don’t tell me you have an idea.”

“I have an idea,” Ben said.

Finn groaned.

“Well, let’s hear it then,” Poe urged.

“Those shields, they’ll stop you if you fly at a normal pace. Not hyperspeed, though.”

There was a silence as Poe considered it. “Alright. Try it, or we’ll fight together to shut it off.”

“You guys can’t be serious,” Finn said, leaning forwards, obstructing his view. “That’s going to get us killed, it’s just not possible.”

“Well you can’t really say that unless you’ve tried it,” Ben said, reading the radar and moving to readjust their course. In theory, it would work. Now it just had to work out in real life, too.

“I can say that because I have common sense!”

“Never heard of it,” Ben replied.

Poe said, “Right, I guess I’ll see you guys there then. Good luck.”

Finn groaned, his palm over his face muffling his voice as he said, “Good luck to you too, Poe.”

Ben licked his lips, leaned forwards over the dashboard, his hand on the throttle lever that would bring them out of hyperspeed, every fibre of his being thrumming with adrenaline, and though he didn’t know it just yet, the Force, too, and maybe it was that, aided by his years of experience, that made him yank it back. A snowy landscape zoomed right into view, and he sucked air in through his teeth as he flicked switches while drawing the stick back, and they just missed wrecking into the face of the dark cliff, and both of them were slammed into their seats by the force of the sharp turn. Behind him, Ben heard a heavy clunk and furious beeping, and called over his shoulder, “Sorry R-6! Just hold on tight for a little longer!”

“Stay low! It confuses their radars!” Finn urged when he tried to pull up.

Ben winced as tree trunk after tree trunk was ploughed down by the Falcon, but complied, though it was still hard to steer the freighter that was speeding along too quickly over the snow covered ground - too fast to begin a landing sequence just yet.

“Are we close to the shields yet?” he asked, trying to slow the jostling and bumbling ship down - and even more so when they suddenly whooshed out from the forest and out onto a plateau of sorts. One that had a very abrupt end.

“Ah, fuck,” he muttered to himself, forcing the stick left to make it turn, but the engines gave out, and they skidded along the earth, closer and closer to the edge.

“ _Ben-_ “ Finn called, clinging onto his seat.

“I’m _on it_!” he replied, frantically trying to keep them from sliding right into the ravine.

The metal screeched and protested, and he really did feel terrible for the old Falcon but could’ve kissed the dashboard out of gratitude when it finally slowed to a halt.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, he closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat as he exhaled, it turning into a wild sort of laugh.

Finn joined in once he’d gotten over the shock, and spontaneously, they pulled each other into a tight hug.

“You crazy bastard, you did it!”

“Just barely, but hell yea we did!”

“And to answer your question,” the former Stormtrooper said, rising from his seat and checking the blaster in the holster strapped to his thigh, “We should be, but I’m not sure how to turn them off.”

He stopped, just halfway out of the pilot’s seat, and stared at Finn, raising his finger to point accusatorily at him. “You got us here without knowing how to do what we’re sent here to do? What the fuck, dude?”

Finn shrugged, already turning to run out. “If you found out how to get around the shields, then I’m sure we’ll figure something out about shutting them off,” he said, and Ben had no choice but to follow, grabbing a commlink on his way out, tuning it in to the frequency they’d been talking to Poe on.

They ought to have brought coats for this. The brisk air bit into his skin and made their breaths come out in frosty clouds as they ran over to the structure that looked like it was built into the planet itself - which Ben supposed it was.

“Do you have _any_ kind of plan?” he hissed as they scouted the terrain, then Finn shoved the door open and answered, “I know where the control room is. Just have to find someone capable of operating it,” in a hushed voice.

Every muscle in his body tense, Ben peered into the hallways, surprised to find them empty. No guards, no workers? Together, they rushed down the corridors, ducking into nooks or smaller paths whenever troopers made their patrols, Finn taking the lead.

Finn held him back as they were about to cross another hallway. He kept his blaster ready although the sabre was attached to his belt, and watched his friend for further instructions. With his gaze still fixed on something out in the corridor, he gestured for him to fall back, and Ben pressed himself up against the wall, his heart thumping a mile a minute.

A trooper of some kind, the armour made of shiny chrome instead of the normal white, strode into view. Her body collapsed to the floor with a thump once Finn slammed the butt of his blaster right onto her helmet, and he paused as if he were surprised he’d been able to do it at all.

“Come on!” Ben urged, grabbing him by the elbow, and, glancing around while praying they wouldn’t be exposed right then and there, he took her and, with the help of the other man, they dragged her into a small notch in the wall. Finn took something from her belt and pressed it to the reader next to a door that opened at the touch. Inside, there was a control panel so large they didn’t have any hope of even beginning to work out, but when he looked up at Finn, he was grinning.

Yanking the helmet off of her, he slapped her once or twice until she woke, and she was met by a blaster shoved into her face.

“Remember me, Phasma?” Finn said gleefully.

She narrowed her icy eyes at him. “FN-2187. You did indeed join the rebels,” she said, sounding way too calm for someone being threatened on her life.

“Damn right I did. Now disable the shields, or I’m gonna blast you into oblivion.”

Once Phasma’d done just that, Ben had knocked her out again, and together, they’d shoved her inside a supply closet after removing her commlink and access key.

“Okay, now what?” Finn asked as they hid out in the outpost they’d entered through, back to freezing in the snow.

As the roar of starfighters built up above them, Ben pointed into the sky and said, “That.”

It boomed as the X-wings started firing at a great hexagonal structure Ben could only assume was the thermal oscillator, the squadron diving in formation again and again. Awestruck, they stood watching, right until the hollow howl of TIE-fights rose up into the air, too.

Green and red lasers cut through the air as dogfights led black smoke to rise from the damaged fighters.

“Guys, that oscillator is not going down even if we keep hitting it dead centre. Didn’t you bring explosives with you from the base?” Poe’s strained voice crackled through the commlink.

Ben, already moving back towards the Falcon, said, “Yea, we’re on it.”

“And hurry, would you?” he said before the connection got cut off, and the feeling that something had gone awry settled like a stone in his stomach.

Shooting Finn a worried look as they ran, they clambered inside the old ship, and as if by miracle, the engines actually turned on. The silence between them was tense as Ben piloted the ship around in a big curve to avoid the skirmishes, the freighter protesting with too many alarms as he turned on the deflector shields as best he could.

Finally, they landed at the edge of a taiga forest, the trunks smeared with white, and they each carried a bag of explosives with them as they headed for the structure near the oscillator, every now and then feeling the urge to duck as two battling ships flew a bit too closely overhead.

Phasma’s access key proved handy now, and they ran inside, too busy to stealthily make their way to their goal. Their blasters still warm from their taking out the oddly few deployed Stormtroopers, they came to a cavernous room. Only dimly could the fighting going on outside be heard, and the bags being set down rang out too loudly, the sound echoing, bouncing off the walls.

“Okay, on every other column. Press the centre to activate it. Detonator’s here,” he said, handing it to him, “I’ll try to block the doors, we seriously don’t want company in here.”

Ben gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze, their eyes meeting for a moment before they got to work. He ran along the metal galleries, fiddling around with the few tools he’d brought along with him from the Falcon until the locks shone red instead of green.

“Poe? Poe, are you there? We’re almost ready to go here, should we do it now?” he called over the commlink. His jaw clenched when only a static silence met him, and, cursing under his breath, he helped Finn set up the rest of the explosives.

Just then, the hairs at the back of his neck stood up, and, brows knitting together as he hesitated to add the last explosive, a sense of premonition seized his body.

His breath hitched in his throat once he saw the door on the opposite side of the gulf glow, the metal melting, dripping onto the floor.

_Her._

Panicking, he turned to Finn the moment the door was crumpled as if it were nothing more than a piece of paper with a screech that jarred on his ears, and a crimson glow illuminated her figure as she strode over the molten doorframe.

“Run!” he roared.

Reaching her hand up, the Force thrumming around her, she knocked the Resistance fighter into the floor without sparing him a second glance. It was him that was her target. Just him.

Clenching her teeth behind her mask, she fixed her eyes on him.

“Finn!” he yelled out, running to him.

He ought to relax. She hadn’t even killed him.

Kira Ren felt his anger flare as hotly as if it were her own, saw him rise to his feet and sprint with foolhardy courage towards her, blaster pointed right at her. Effortlessly, she deflected the shot with her blade, and, seeing the legacy sabre at the belt by his hip, narrowed her eyes and, reaching out with the Force once more, ripped the weapon from his grasp.

He paused, looking at his empty hand, then looked at her, his lips parted, his black hair falling in front of his forehead.

“You don’t need that,” she said smoothly, igniting the second blade of her sabre as she strode towards him, her black cloak looking like a puddle of spilled blood on the catwalk that spanned over the abyss of the oscillator as the red lining was made visible once she unclasped it from over her chest. This wasn’t going to be just some simple slaughter.

Watching his chest rise and fall, she watched the fear and fury turn into something else, something… Wondering.

They were just a few feet apart now.

It went through her like a lightning bolt, knocked the air out of her lungs, and from the look on his face, he’d felt it too. She didn’t know what it was, didn’t have the time to process any of it.

The shot from a blaster crashed into her side, and if she hadn’t managed to drive the Force there, it easily could’ve killed her.

Nostrils flaring, Kira Ren clutched her ribs as a groan forced its way over her lips, the pain intense and burning. But she didn’t hesitate.

She raised her hand, reached for the bloody fighter who’d shot at her from behind Ben. Her temper flared when she saw who it was, and with a ferocity she couldn’t quite tame, she slammed him against the side of the entrance, it echoing dully when his body hit the metal and went limp.

As she began striding towards the pilot, Ben ran, too, towards him, trying to get him to get up, desperately trying to heave him out.

For the moment, she didn’t care, her pace quickening the closer she got to Dameron, and she used the Force to sweep Ben to the side as she raised her blade over her head, aiming for the unconscious man’s heart.

When she struck, a blue sabre parried her blow, sending her own scraping, crackling, against the floor.

Snapping her head to the side, she saw him, his hand thrust out as he was still on all fours. With a grunt, he pushed up, and she dodged, watching with a sort of surprised amusement as the smuggler got to his feet, the blue glow of the sabre illuminating his features.

He backed away, slowly, his gaze fixed on her, and she forgot about the murderer lying just a metre or two away as he held up his sabre in front of him, panting, scared, determined.

“Come and get me. This is what you want, isn’t it?” he asked.

Perfectly still for a moment, Kira began to laugh, saw his defiant face turn utterly confused. Removing her helmet, she cast it aside at the mouth of the entrance, reignited her blade.

“You’re braver than you’re smart,” she said, and lunged at him. She’d kill that Poe bastard later, the one who’d done his part in the murder of her parents.

The thick snow sizzled as she cut into it, him having danced to the side already, glancing over his shoulder as he continued to back away, narrowly dodging every single one of her slashes.

Growing impatient, her blows grew more forceful, less refined, and she knew he wouldn’t stand a chance against her if he would stop running and face her. She didn’t want to kill a man when he was fleeing.

Just her luck.

He stumbled. She struck, and he parried with a grunt. Circling him, she cut him off, and he was forced to face her. Snowflakes landed in his dark waves, his eyes illuminated by the red and blue glow as they fought.

Their sabres caught in a lock. His arm trembled with the effort of keeping her at bay and he groaned as he pushed, then retreated.

The crimson blade crackle as she whirled it, bringing it down in a cut, but she was too late.

She stared him down, prowling around him, rotating the hilt of her weapon, the whirr of it a steady comfort that helped her focus. She needed it. No matter how she liked it, in her state, he stood a chance.

Ben pressed his lips together when she lunged forwards again, deflecting her blows, dancing away from them when he couldn’t parry.

She kept pressing him, battering his defences again and again in upper hand whirls that sent him backing further and further into the forest.

Her side burning, she ground her way through the pain, or at least tried to. She had to. She honed it into something sharp and hard, used the surges of it spreading out in her body to channel the Force even more harshly.

Ben knocked her blade aside, and she was forced to back away. Using both hands, he hammered down at her, but she managed to dodge - but not when he thrust forwards in an unexpected move.

The smell of her scorched tunic tore in her nostrils along with the stench of burnt flesh. Blinking in surprise, she grunted in pain, for a moment staring blankly at the forest floor, but he came at her again, and she was taken out of her daze.

Humiliation at having let him hit her made a surge of energy run through her, and she renewed her efforts, battering him again and again, teeth bared in a snarl, upper hand strokes, sideways slashes, thrusts. Her blade moved in a blur, and he was struggling to keep up. She continued, knew what she had to do.

A loud, deep boom made both their heads turn, and the darkening sky was lit up in a wild orange as the oscillator exploded.

It would be a matter of minutes, seconds, even, until the whole planet destabilised. She was running out of time.

Their sabres crackled each time they met. She’d gotten him backed up against a tree, pressing harder and harder against his sabre, staring into his eyes. She remembered what she’d seen, and something, a spark of hope, blossomed in her chest as they were locked together. There was a way out of this.

She parted her lips to speak.

“I could show you the ways of the Force,” she said, the snowflakes getting caught on her lashes, her otherwise so cool, smooth voice now burning with emotion - emotion he saw mirrored in her dark eyes. Brows twitching into a furrow, he blinked at her, perplexed.

“You,” Rey said, “need a teacher,” and her voice was so urgent that he found himself considering it.

The ground shook beneath them, pushing her to move away unless she wanted to lose her balance, and, fighting to keep his own, he seized the opportunity to lash at her. He hit her in her leg, and it buckled beneath her.

Anger, pain, bristled out at him as she swept her sabre in front of her in wild slashes to defend herself, and he raised his hands above his head, bringing his blade down once more.

She screamed in pain, her body falling to the frozen ground, and he could have finished her off if it hadn’t been for the planet cracking open between them. A maw was torn up, separating them, and, panting, he watched as she propped herself up on her elbow, her lips parted and eyes burning with pain and desperation, and a shiver shot down his spine.

He turned and ran.

His head churning with too many thoughts, he peered left and right in the unfamiliar forest, the planet imploding around him.

A bright light almost blinded him. Holding a hand up in front of him, he saw that it was the Falcon that was lowering itself down to him, the ramp opening up. Within, Finn gestured for him to hop in.

“Ben! We have to go, _now!_ ” he yelled.

He ran up, jumped, landed on the ramp, and the other man helped him up, but before he went inside, before the ramp slid up to shut the cold air out, something compelled him to look back, and he saw her, bleeding, on her back, heaving for breath, and he knew she was looking straight at him. Their eyes met for just a moment, and that same something he’d felt when she’d prepared to fight him in the oscillator seized him, and he couldn’t figure out what it was that, somehow, urged him to stay.

The ramp closed up, leaving him sitting panting there as the old freighter took off into hyperspeed, her face having burnt an impression of itself onto his eyelids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some visuals of the lightsaber battle (it's p damn hard putting it into writing lmao) i recommend this video!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5IZOBczNdI  
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!


	7. Delved too deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has much to consider as he, Poe and Finn leave Starkiller Base - as well as when thye land back on D'Qar. Feeling more and more betrayed, he decides to abandon the task given to him by his mother. A certain vision brings him further doubt as of what to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait!  
> I hope this longer chapter can make up for it!!

His heart couldn’t seem to stop pumping away so wildly. It buzzed in his ears as he flopped down into the pilot’s seat, taking over for the injured Poe who’d still somehow managed to pilot the ship in his state.

On reflex, he glanced to his right, guilt added to the broiling mix in his stomach when he saw the other man’s bloody face. There were burns on his arms and neck, he was definitely going to have a black eye, and his jaw was swollen, too. Poe leaned back with a groan, eyes slipping shut, and Finn came in carrying a medkit, starting to patch him up the best he could.

Staring straight ahead, Ben felt lightheaded and unfocused, dazed as R-6 helped calculate a course that’d take them back to D’Qar.

“Hey, kid, you alright?” Dameron croaked, then hissed in pain as Finn dabbed disinfectant onto his neck. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Turning his head to the side, it took a few moments and blinks until his sluggish brain had processed the words, and he stopped clenching and unclenching his grip around the rudder as he cleared his throat. It didn’t make it easier to find the words with the both of them staring at him with obvious concern on their faces.

“I’m fine. Fine. Just glad you two are okay,” he said, grateful to having piloting to take care of, to use it as an excuse not to explain himself any further. He wasn’t even sure if he could, if he’d wanted to.

“How’d you even manage to get me out of there? Your fighter literally crashed and she knocked you out cold, didn’t she?” he asked, keeping his voice as neutral as he could.

“She definitely broke a few ribs,” Poe admitted, then winced as he shifted positions. “I suppose that’s what I get for trying to kill her. I even hit her dead on, I guess she was distracted by something,” he said.

Ben’s brows furrowed, and he recalled how he hadn’t even noticed that Poe’d been behind him until his and Rey’s eye contact had been broken as she’d doubled over in pain, hit by the shot from Poe’s blaster.

“Sure,” he mumbled, stared down at his trembling hands, and quickly folded them in his lap. He’d had to kill a few times before, and he hadn’t reacted this way then. It’d been self-defence as it’d been now, so why did he feel like he was being unravelled from within?

“Did she do something to you? Are you injured? Let me see,” Finn asked, and without waiting for an answer, began tugging at him, trying to turn him this way and that. He slapped his hand away, rising so quickly from his seat that he almost slammed his head into the domed ceiling.

“I’m fine, alright? Quit it,” he said, more sharply than he’d intended, but the frustration was leaking into his voice.

Finn held his hands up deprecatingly as he said, “Alright, jeez, just trying to help. Did she mind-trick you or something?”

“I _said, quit it!_ ” Ben said, much too surprised by his own turbulence to apologise before he left the cockpit. “The course’s set, just don’t touch anything,” he called over his shoulder, then gratefully sank down onto the cot in the crew quarters, burying his face in his hands.

He tried to breathe slowly, to get it in and back out in a steady rhythm, knew he’d always had a short fuse. He tried to keep still, to just for once in his goddamn life _think_ , and he swallowed, closing his eyes as he thought back on the fight he’d somehow come out of victorious.

That just didn’t make sense, though. It didn’t make sense that Poe’d been able to hit her, either - he’d seen first-hand how well she was able to block or deflect shots fired at her. She’d even held the one he’d fired with the Force alone, and she’d had her back to him. So why had she ended up there on the forest floor, the snowflakes settling in her dark hair, her eyes shining with something he wasn’t sure he understood?

And why had he, even if it’d just been for a moment, felt ready to let her be his guide into the pathways of the Force?

The thought made him shudder, and he rubbed his face, staring blankly at the wall across from him. No, she was evil, she’d tried to kill Poe, and she was fighting to bring the Resistance down.

Still, the consideration lingered at the back of his head as he rose to his feet, heading back to the cockpit. He poked his head inside, obviously interrupting a quiet conversation, and Finn moved away from Poe, seemingly startled.

“I, um… Sorry. For yelling,” he apologised, looking down at his feet, “It’s been a long day.”

There was a silence until Finn said, “It’s been a long day for all of us. Just… Know that you can tell us, if something’s bothering you, you know.”

Ben gave a small smile he felt was more akin to a grimace. His whole face was stiff. “Yea, sure. I’ll try to get some sleep, as I said the course should be set, it’s just on autopilot.”

“I’ll get us out of trouble if there is any,” Poe said, eyeing him suspiciously, and Ben retreated to the crew’s quarters.

R-6 rolled up into the room, beeping inquisitorially at him, but he just shook his head.

“Weird mood I’m in, I’d appreciate some alone time,” he said, reaching out to give the droid a pat before it rolled away, leaving him by himself. Without thinking about it, he slid his hand into his pocket, fingering the dark red crystal.

Once he had sat down, he noticed something sitting oddly in his jacket. He took in a sharp breath when he remembered he’d brought the diary with him, and, taking it out from his inner pocket, he sat there with it for a bit. Then, he laid it aside, laid down and pulled the blanket tight around himself, not feeling sleepy in the slightest.

Struggling to heave herself upright, Rey gave a grunt as she got her leg folded up beneath her. Raising her head from the snow, her vision blurred, the dizziness overwhelming her, sickening waves of nausea shooting up from her stomach, the scorching sting from her wounds just adding to the misery.

Panting, she tried to push all thoughts that didn’t concern her own survival aside, moaned in pain as she finally got up on her knees.

Blinking rapidly, she felt the ground shake beneath her as a squad of Stormtroopers, led by a tall figure clad in shining armour, came running for her.

“Get her in!” Phasma barked.

Bowing her head, she swayed, her hand sliding off the tree she’d braced it on for support. Strong arms caught her before she could fall yet again.

He had considered it. Just for a moment, he had considered it.

The steady thrum of the engine wasn’t doing its usual job of lulling him to sleep, and he didn’t like it. He would much rather avoid thinking at all, would much rather let the comforting nothingness of sleep postpone this for just a little while longer, but no, he couldn’t have just that, could he?

There was just too much to consider.

He’d found that crystal.

He’d found that diary.

He’d seen Kira Ren, so vulnerable.

He’d fought for the Resistance.

He’d fought _her_ , and caused her so many injuries.

There was no reason why he should feel bad about that. She was bad. She was with the First Order, and she was just saying all that to try and get him caught in her claws to kill him the moment she got the chance.

Right?

Still, he couldn’t help but remember his own desire to accept her offer. Couldn’t keep the image of her, teary and exposed like that, couldn’t keep the words he’d read in her diary out of his head.

A pang of pain shot through him, surged over his face and over his collarbone. Brows furrowing, he rubbed at his unharmed skin. Knew it was just where he’d cut her. Had she survived the implosion of Starkiller Base?

Something in him hoped she had.

That was fair enough, right? She hadn’t tried to kill him in the end. It was only fair not to feel bad for not killing somebody. Anyone would feel that way… Wouldn’t they?

Shaking his head, Ben groaned quietly and sat up, pushing the blanket off and, grabbing the diary, he got up from the cot. Treading lightly as to not wake the sleeping Finn and Poe, he grabbed the diary on his way out and settled back into the pilot’s seat.

Flipping it open, he flitted through the first few pages of instructions until he got to the parts Rey had written. Resting his cheek on his hand, he took in a breath and started reading.

There was one good thing about having been raised to be a senator - well, raised or raised, but C-3PO had been eager enough to teach him things while his mother was away - meant that he had gotten a knack for learning languages as there wasn’t a whole lot else to do since Leia hadn’t allowed him to go flying off by himself when he’d been that young. That paid off now, though.

Despite there being a few words and sentences he couldn’t really figure out, Ben read on. Even if something cold and dreadful began clutching at his chest at what he now saw.

_Zhellday_

_Hello book, I hope it’s okay I write in you, it looks like you had a previous owner, but I have to use you now. I can’t really talk to anyone else, I think, I don’t really know. Maz is the woman who got me away from Gelasi, and she seems kind enough, but that voice tells me I shouldn’t trust her. He says she’s Resistance and that she is a part of it._

_I’m too tired to run right now, and she is giving me food and clothes, and that is better than what I’ve had. And I like the green here._

_Benduday_

_I’ve swum in the lake this morning. It’s nice to feel clean. Maz has let me collect some of the plants growing here, but while I was potting them, that voice spoke to me again. He told me it’s all just a ruse to make me feel safe, and then they’ll come for me, too. I don’t want to believe it. It’s nice here. I don’t want to go, but I’m scared, I’m really scared. I know Mom and Dad told me always face what I fear like that time with the knocking thing in the attic that just turned out to be a big rat, but that’s easier than this. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to run again._

_Benduday again_

_I can’t sleep. He keeps talking to me, and I can’t get him out of my head. He wasn’t here as much earlier, but now he’s keeping me awake, and I think he knows what I’m thinking, too. He says I should come to him soon, or I’ll be in a lot of danger. I should have listened to him earlier, but I just thought he was my imagination, I’ve heard him as long as I can remember, just not as much as right now. I don’t know why that’s happening._

_I miss Mom and Dad. I keep seeing them when I try to go to sleep. I don’t want to die like they did._

_Primeday_

_Hello book, I am still very tired, and I have a headache. I don’t want to tell Maz, she’s very busy right now and I think she’s up to something. She keeps looking at me like she’s expecting me to do something bad, and he says it’s because she doesn’t really like me. I’ve heard her talk to someone, and she mentioned my name. When she saw me, she told me to leave, and I couldn’t hear the rest, so I don’t know what’s going on. He says I’m running out of time and that I should come to him soon, because he will make sure I’m safe unlike here. I want to be safe. My stomach hurts even though I eat, and I still can’t sleep. I don’t know what to do, book, I wish you could tell me._

_Centaxday_

_I have seen a boy today. There are plenty of men here, but not boys. He doesn’t look like a farmer. Maz says he’s a smuggler like his father, and that his name is Solo. That is a weird last name. It’s nice to look at him, though. I don’t know why, but I can’t hear that old man as much when I can see him. That’s nice._

_He’s telling me that I should come soon. He’s telling me that I need to train to become better. I know I could have saved you, mom, dad, if I’d been stronger, I know I could. I’m sorry. He says that if I go with him, I’ll become strong, maybe even strong enough to bring you back. He says that the people I’m staying with are bad, and I know what I saw. Maz seems nice enough though, I don’t know, but if she’s bad too, then I should leave. I don’t know what to do._

_Taungsday_

_I heard Maz talking about calling someone in. I think she was talking about the Resistance, or maybe someone with them. He says it’s time now, that they’re going to catch me just like Gelasi did if I don’t run or fight, and I don’t want to fight anymore, I just want to go back home even though I know I can’t. I’m really sorry Mom and Dad, that I destroyed the house, I don’t know what happened, but I want to go back._

_He says they’ll come for me today, and I’ve felt something. He says it’s the Force and that I should tap into that feeling, but I don’t know how to. All I know is that something bad is coming, and that boy has left, and I just want to run far, far away. He says that what’s I have to do if I want to survive, they’ll kill me or worse if they catch me. Maz has told me to stay here in the room, but I feel so jittery and I think something’s really bad is going to happen if I stay, I don’t know why. He hasn’t been quiet for a long time now, and he promises he’ll keep me safe and protected and that I don’t have to worry about anything, that he’ll take care of those people if I just go to him. I’ll have to do that tonight. I need to run._

No killer had written these pages. These were the thoughts of a scared girl. A girl who’d heard Snoke’s voice in her head just like he had since he’d been born.

This time around, no vision of her appeared, but he felt her hopelessness, her fear, regardless. How could someone like that be turned into the lethal weapon that Kira Ren was? But he’d seen her like that, still shrouded in whatever horrors her nightmare had apparently brought her, so much that she hadn’t been able to control herself.

The look in her eyes had been so very wide open, too vulnerable for someone like him to have seen.

And what was this about the Resistance coming to get her? Recalling what Maz had said about Leia’s plans of having Rey train alongside him with Luke, the same sense he’d had that too much was being kept from him grew tenfold, and he wondered just how much he was not being told, why that was necessary.

But why had she been afraid the Resistance was going to get her? It was the First Order who had executed her parents, not the Resistance.

He was sitting with too many loose threads in too many different colours for him to gather them into something coherent. Running a hand through his hair, he gave a quiet groan. He wished he didn’t have to go back to D’Qar right now, didn’t want to face it all. And he was tired of trying to get Leia to tell him things she obviously had no intention of letting him know.

Seems like she was bad at handling both kids she wanted to use for her own. Shoving Rey away in such a small room on Takodana, never taking time out of her schedule to share her company with him or even bothering much with him at all, that certainly had not been a wise decision on her behalf.

Again, his thoughts drifted to Kira, or Rey, how disappointed she had look, almost as if he’d betrayed her somehow though they were mortal enemies.

Rubbing his face, he gazed out the window at the flickering blue-white light, started when Finn came into the room.

“Ben? Why are you up?” he asked, rubbing his eyes as he braced a forearm against the doorway.

“Just couldn’t sleep is all, sorry I woke you up,” he said, closing the diary and sticking it into the space between his thigh and the chair, hoping the other man hadn’t seen.

“You didn’t wake me up, don’t worry about it. I was kind of worried about you, you- I know I can’t exactly say a lot about that, but you don’t seem like yourself. You sure she didn’t do anything to you?” Finn said, walking over as he spoke and sitting down with a sort of wariness in the co-pilot’s seat that made Ben’s bad conscience feel even more foul.

“No, I’m sure. Look, Finn, I’m really sorry that I snapped at you earlier, I just haven’t been feeling myself lately.”

He studied him, and despite how he knew the other had no ulterior motives, Ben still felt like he was seeing too much of him.

“It’s kind of tough, getting pulled into this sort of thing. I’m just getting used to it - hell, just earlier today I was ready to run. Poe told me that you haven’t been with the Resistance for very long, that you just joined,” he said. “I didn’t tell you why I ran. It was the first combat I ever saw, and you saw what they did yourself. I couldn’t pull the trigger. And even though you were up against someone going after you, I still can’t imagine that it was easy, facing Kira Ren like that.”

Looking down at his folded his hands, grateful they’d stopped their earlier shaking, Ben drew a deep sigh as he once again recollected the almost abandoned look on her face as he had left her in the snow, as he recalled what the diary right next to him had revealed, too.

“I guess I’m a little shaken, maybe. I’ve seen my fair share of roughness, and it’s not my first fight, but…” he hesitated, wanted to tell his friend about the doubts he had about it all, wanted to tell him about what he had seen on Takodana and in the diary, about seeing her just having woken from her nightmare, or maybe just about the visions he had had of her lately. He couldn’t, though.

“She got really close to finishing me off, I’m just happy you made it out of there - Poe, too. But I don’t even know if she made it off the planet. I know it shouldn’t be any of my concern, but… I don’t know, really. There’s just a lot going on, I think. I just need some time alone to think things through,” he said, giving a smile that felt far too stiff.

Finn tried looking him in the eye, but he couldn’t maintain the eye contact for very long.

“If you’re sure about that…”

“I’d like to be alone, it’s fine, Finn. You should go back to sleep, I can’t right now anyways,” he interrupted, hoping he was sounding reassuring.

“I don’t mind staying up, you know,” he said.

Ben glanced up at him, dismissively shook his head as he said, “It’s fine, I promise.”

Finn hesitated a few moments longer, then got out of his seat and exited the cockpit, though he heard him pause in the doorway.

Feeling sort of relieved at being left to himself again, he pushed his hair back and propped his feet up on the dashboard. Absentmindedly, his thumb slid over the cover of the book, but when he opened it again, he saw that there were no more entries on the next pages than the ones he’d already read.

She had run, then, after that last entry.

What hell had she gone through to become the woman he had fought today if she’d been the scared girl he’d read the thoughts of?

Sticking the book into the inner pocket of his jacket, Ben propped his elbow on the armrest, chin cupped in his hand as he looked out at the flickering lights passing by around him, mulling over her and her desperate offer and what the hell that was supposed to mean. He just hoped she wouldn’t pop into his head again. That really wouldn’t do anything but stoke the fire that was already eating him up.

The remaining bit of the flight went rather smoothly. Poe’s injuries from having crashed miraculously weren’t that bad, and in addition to that, Finn had done a good job on patching the pilot up. Not that Ben spoke much with him - he and Finn seemed pretty well off on their own, and other than exchanging necessary information about their course, both himself and Dameron seemed to be happy with not interacting much with one another, barely happening to be in the same room except for when they slept.

Even at the celebration awaiting them at the Resistance base on D’Qar, the unusual duo and him split pretty much as soon as they had landed. Not that Ben really minded - he was not in the mood for festivity. Not when there was so much weighing on his mind.

Paige Tico’s cautious attempts at making conversation he brushed aside with one-sided answers and couldn’t blame her when she left to spend time with her sister, Pava, Poe and Finn. Still, he felt so out of place that he left the big clearing where it all was taking place to instead fix up the Falcon a little.

She needed the care and tinkering with the sensor jammer that wasn’t working as well as getting around the compressor that had limited their speed a great deal helped take his mind off of things.

When he wiped his hands clean in the cloth, the bit of sky he could see through the dense canopy had turned dark and starry. Birds twittered around him, flew from tree to tree like black silhouettes swooping by, and he now took notice that things seemed to have quieted down.

Walking back to the clearing near the docks, he found the party to have scattered to smaller, quieter gatherings, a few groups scattered here and there, around fires or lounging by the light of the buildings or starships.

Pausing, Ben glanced around, not sure about who he was looking for.

Apart from her putting her hand on his arm in greeting, he and Leia hadn’t talked, and though he didn’t really expect to hear anything new, given how unfruitful their talk after the destruction of Hosnian Prime had turned out to be, he still wanted to at least try and question her of what exactly what going on and what he’d seen and read of Rey’s past meant, even if she apparently wanted him to stay as far away from her as possible.

That was just a little difficult when she was, quite literally, popping into your head in and out of season.

When he came into the smaller of the meeting rooms, he paused in the doorway.

Inside was Poe and Leia. They turned their heads towards him, and while he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, there was something about the way they glanced at each other as they straightened up into a too-formal seat that made him raise his defences.

Of course he should have expected a plot like this between the Posterboy and the General.

The pilot got to his feet with a, “Well, I’ll be going then,” before he walked past Ben, an oddly stiff look in his eyes when he met his.

Leia leaned back in her seat, looking out into the empty air for a moment before she turned to him.

He stood, his arms already crossed over his chest.

“Ben,” she said, nodding to the chair next to her.

Maybe it was stupid, maybe it was childish and petty, but regardless, he said, “I can hear just fine from here.” Somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to sit down beside her.

She gave a sigh, lightly shaking her head.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding. I didn’t see you at all after we landed,” Ben said curtly.

She eyed him for a moment or two. “I could say the same about you, you know. But that doesn’t matter now - I wanted to speak with you,” she said.

“Well, we’re speaking now, aren’t we?”

She gave him a look, and he shifted slightly.

“The matter I wanted to speak to you about was my brother. Your uncle,” Leia said, and he felt like she was watching him for a reaction.

“What about him?”

“We’ve found the last piece of the map leading to him. Don’t you think it’s about time someone went and got him?” she questioned, tilting her head just slightly to the side.

“Isn’t it time he came out of his hiding place by himself?” he countered.

“Ben,” she said, and he hated how guilty her tone made him feel. “Luke will need to be convinced, but we need him. Haven’t you noticed how strong the First Order has gotten? We need his help.”

At the mention of the First Order, his thoughts inevitably flashed back to Kira Ren, if only for a moment.

“Sounds like you have something planned for who’s to fetch him.”

“I do. I want you to go to him. I would go myself, but-“

“You have to be there for the Resistance. Yea, I know.” He’d heard those words so many times he’d be able to recite them in his sleep. That had always been her excuse for leaving him behind. “Why me?”

“Because he’s your uncle. Because you trained with him.”

He had to laugh. “He sent me away not even a year into my training! He blames _me_ for destroying his temple. He broke my sabre. I haven’t seen him since then,” he said. She really couldn’t be serious, could she?

“He… Made a mistake in sending you away.”

 _She’d_ made a mistake in sending him away from home in the first place.

“Yea. Because I didn’t crash his temple, he just conveniently decided I did, and that was good enough reason for him. He never wanted me there anyways.”

“He made a _mistake_. You’re his prodigy, and he knows that. He’ll listen to you, I’m sure of it,” Leia said.

Ben shook his head, trying to keep the bubbling anger in his chest at bay. Prodigy. Skywalker blood. Senator-son. Staring at his feet, his lips involuntarily parted in a bitter, brief smile, and his hands were clenched into fists as he felt his body tense.

“I’m not his goddamn prodigy,” he said quietly, raising his head to meet her gaze.

She pressed her lips together, but her will was as hard as steel as always.

“And I’m sick and tired of you keeping things from me. You just- ship me off on random missions, expecting me to parry orders like a dog on a leash, and yet you don’t even trust me. You’re closer with fucking Dameron than you are with me, your own son,” he said, shoulders rigid with tension as he recollected the look they’d exchanged when he’d come in. Like he was intruding on them, and he just knew they had been talking about him.

She stood up now, her brown eyes cold with warning. “I am not at fault for how you’ve chosen to live your life. I have only done what I thought best to prepare you for the position you’ll have to fill soon enough, and it’s no wonder that Poe is one of my most trusted people. He’s proved himself a valiant fighter for the Resistance,” she said.

“Have you even stopped to consider not railroading my entire life? I’m not Luke, I’m not Han, and I am certainly _not_ your father, either. I never asked to be a part of this - and when I try to do something good for you, when I want to help, you just talk about me behind me back?” he shot back at her.

“You have a duty to fulfil, as we all do. You’re no different. And I am in no way dismissing all that you’ve done for us, but we must all do our part to continue the fight against the First Order - even if we don’t want to. That’s what duty _is_ ,” Leia said.

“Then what did you and Poe talk about, hm?” he demanded.

“Do you really need to know every single thing?”

“You were talking about me.”

She looked at him, then nodded. “Yes. We were. We were talking about you because I have seen this pattern before, and last time, I couldn’t help you,” she said, needing him to understand.

“What pattern?”

“Haven’t you felt it? The call to the dark? Even Poe’s sensed that something’s off with you. And so have I. You need guidance I can’t give you,” she explained.

Ben stiffened, but then, the accusation settled. “I haven’t done anything. I fought Kira Ren on Starkiller Base, I took Luke’s sabre, and I never destroyed his temple,” he said in disbelief, having to force the words out. “But you know what? Fine. You don’t want me here, obviously, that’s fine. I’ll just go,” he said, turning on his heel.

“Ben,” she called out for him as he walked, and he looked over his shoulder, somehow still hopeful she’d protest, that she’d say it wasn’t true, that he could stay and they would figure it out together.

She just held out the memostick with the map for him.

He snatched it from her and strode right to the Falcon as he fought to keep his feelings under control, but his hands still shook with anger and hurt as he fired up the old ship, flicking on switches and making sure their fuel tank was full.

R-6 rolled up to him, beeping inquisitively, and he threw the memostick over his shoulder as he said, “No, we’re not going to him. We have… business to do.”

“I knew you’d come,” she purred.

He strode up the middle of the cavernous, dimly lit room, his footsteps echoing. They were alone. Just the two of them.

He caught a glimpse of her thigh as she shifted on her throne, her head cockily tilted back. But she didn’t look at him with condescension, no, it was something much better.

The crimson lining of her cape spilled out over the seat, shimmered in the dull light as he came to a halt in front of her. An inky black gown of sorts was gathered at her waist, and he saw that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. It wrapped tightly around her upper body, and yet the cut was deep, her arms naked, and the cloth slid into her lap as she rested her elbow atop the armrest, baring her leg.

When he looked down at himself, he wasn’t in the scruffy old outfit he usually donned, no, he was clad in sleek black robes. Once he raised his eyes again, she was looking straight at him, her lips slightly parted as she beckoned him closer, and oh, so willingly, he obeyed.

Once close enough, she rose, letting her fingertips graze down his chest, his stomach, but she removed her hand before she came far enough south. Instead, she circled him, her steps painfully slow, and he had to fight to keep himself from turning around. He felt her hand slide up his back, over his sides, lightly, teasingly, and she took her sweet time every step of the way. Everywhere she touched, he felt like he was burning.

His breath catching in his throat, he shifted, looking down at her once she came back into view. She unclasped her cape, it spilling to the floor, reached up for his face, and her gaze bore into his, eyes alight with something wicked, something so full of promise, and he let out a shaky breath once she slid her hand into his hair, let it rest on the back of his neck while she closed the distance between them.

Sliding her leg up between his as she leaned towards him, she nipped at his earlobe, and he felt her hot breath against his neck as her lips ghosted over the sensitive skin. While she reached down to cup his already pressing arousal, the too-light kisses turned into something else, something hungrier, and she pressed her lips to his jaw, her fingers entangled in his hair, and when she kissed him, he couldn’t stop himself.

His hands seemed to fit just right as they cupped her ass, yanking her closer, and she eagerly pressed herself up against him, ground her hips against his. She broke away from the kiss, cheeks slightly flushed, and she pushed him down onto the throne. There was enough room for her to straddle his lap, and as soon as she was on top of him, their lips found each other in another heated kiss. One hand on the small of her back, keeping her close and pressed down against himself, the other sliding up her thigh, a throaty moan came from him at the friction.

Leaning forwards, not wanting it to end as she pulled back once more, he was left hanging as she studied him, and something forced his hands down onto the armrests. He could only watch her as she undid his trousers, as she looked at him through her lashes, a huff of breath leaving him when she took his half-hard cock in her hand and began stroking it, ever so slowly. His head tilted back, eyes slipping shut, and he shifted beneath her, completely in her power.

Rey leaned down to kiss him, letting her lips and teeth and tongue play with his throat and neck as she kept pumping his shaft. Feeling her move, he opened his eyes, saw her raise her hips and guide him inside. Wet and willing, he slid right up to the hilt, and she rocked back and forth for a moment or two, her hand splayed out on his chest, her head tilted back as a breathy moan slipped past her lips. It rang like music in his ears.

The invisible restraints around his wrists now somehow removed, he held her tightly in his grasp as he rolled his hips up, burying his face against her collarbone, panting against her chest as he thrust into her, again and again, and she wrapped her arms around him, pressing him closer, didn’t seem able to get him close enough. He pounded into her, the sound of skin slapping against skin mingling with their short breaths and moans of pleasure. Her nails dug into his back, and he gripped her hard enough to bruise, kept her pressed tight against him, and she eagerly met him in every single thrust.

Heat building in the pit of his stomach, he greedily drank her in, let his lips memorise every groove and curve of her neck, her lips, her jaw, let his hands roam over her body, gripping her waist, her hips, needily pushing her against him, because he couldn’t ever get close _enough_. A desperation he hadn’t quite ever felt before made his thrusts rougher, and all finesse was lost as a mind-numbing wave of ecstasy crashed over him in his climax.

Ben started awake with a gasp, almost hitting his head on the compartment above the cot. Guiltily looking around, he found the quarters empty. Now that he sat up, he felt an awfully familiar heat throbbing between his legs, and just letting himself indulge in whatever he’d dreamt, seen, had been, he began stroking himself, imagining it was her hand. Recalled how her breath against his neck had sent shivers of pleasure shooting up his spine, how her wet warmth had enveloped him, how truly wonderful she’d sounded when her breaths came out in low, shaky moans.

The shame, the conflicted feelings, all that could wait until later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From fighting each other to dreaming of each other- these two go from 0 to 100 real quick lmao


	8. Sailing close to the wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay guys, life's pretty busy, and the world is rapidly changing. I hope this can be a little bit of cheering up in these concerning times.

Rolling over onto her side, Rey stretched, pressing her hips down against the sheets in the process to relieve the insistent heat between her legs.

Something flickered at the edge of her vision. It looked like someone familiar, starting upright in bed, but she could not be certain.

Now blinking fully awake, she paused for a moment, then shifted onto her back, her brows furrowed.

A dream? Yet, it had felt so real.

A pleasant shudder shooting down her spine, she closed her eyes again, recalling his hot breath against her neck, his hands caressing, clutching her skin so close to him it almost hurt, and the heat grew and almost seemed to throb.

She knew what sort of day was ahead of her. She could have a pleasant morning, at least.

Panting, she laid back down, the pleasant warmth of it still seeping out through her whole body. Rey sighed, running a hand through her hair as she sat up. For a moment or two, she looked at the plants sprouting all over the room, spilling out from the walls and the dug-in beds of earth. The green flanked her as she got up, walking to the rinsing chamber, and, still keeping her mind on what she’d just dreamt - experienced? - she bathed, dressed, and donned her mask.

Letting Snoke see this, this innermost piece of privacy, was not something she’d allow. Already all her desires had been laid out for him to see, plain as day. That was not going to happen with this one. Still, her lips curled into a small smile as she recollected his face, his neediness, the pleasure they’d both felt - at least in the dream. Perhaps it had been something more. That should be fun to explore the next time they saw each other.

The elevator doors opened, and she knew she had to step out, so she did. Sliding her shoulders back, Kira Ren strode into the throne room where Snoke was seated, his pale blue gaze fixed on her as she walked and came to kneel before him.

“Supreme Leader,” she greeted her master.

“Kira Ren…” he said, eyeing her intently, and she felt the penetrating scrutiny almost beginning to strip her of her defences, but, he waited. She clearly sensed his disappointment, his outrage, briefly wondered why he hadn’t let it thunder down on her yet. “When I found you, I saw what all masters live to find.”

He got up, began walking towards her, circled her again, and she didn’t like how much she felt like a helpless prey he had just caught.

“Raw, untamed power. A connection with the Force so strong you barely had any hold on it at all. Yet, you were a fast learner. How is your wound?” Snoke asked, halting in front of her, and she had an odd sense of deja vu.

“It’s nothing,” she said. Grateful that her mask provided her with just a scrap of a shield.

“Take that useless thing off,” he snarled.

Jaw clenching, she raised her hands and lifted off her helmet, stared blankly ahead of her as he surveyed the cut that was still held together by grey synthskin below her eye. The barely healed wound continued under the edge of her high-collared shirt to where her collarbone connected to her shoulder, cut through her eyebrow.

Feeling his anger rise and rise, it bristling in the Force until it was almost painful, Rey steeled herself, biting together to keep her words behind her teeth as he said, “And yet, with all that power, you did _nothing_. It split you to your core, you let it weaken you. Some _smuggler_ who’s barely held a lighsabre bested you!”

Standing in front of her, towering over her, the spit threatened to fly from his lips as her master, too, lost his restraints and roared at her, “You were _unbalanced_. You were distracted. _You failed!_ ”

The words stung like the crack of a whip, but he was not done with her yet.

Feeling him intrude at her mind, her nostrils flared as she pressed her lips together.

Her head throbbed, and her walls began to crumble. The pressure was immense, like she was deep, deep under water, but Snoke apparently had not gone deep enough already.

Images of him whizzed past in her mind. Watching him from above from her room on Takodana, his sleeping face in the interrogation chamber, him, breathing deeply as he stood above her on the frozen ground of Starkiller Base.

She had to give him something.

What Snoke did not get to was Ben, his eyes wide as he, however briefly, considered her offer. Ben, his lips parted as he moved beneath her on that dark throne. Ben, not trying to exploit her as she tried to get her panic attack under control.

She wouldn’t let him see that. Just that he had tried to drill so deep into her innermost vaults of privacy was the last drop in the cup.

The anger rose just as quickly as she did. She reached for her sabre, lips peeled back from her teeth.

The guards raised their weapons.

Lightning crackled through her body and she was sent to the floor. Quickly propping herself up on her elbow with a groan as the pain wracked through her, she glared at her master as he looked at her with nothing but disdain and contempt.

“You’re nothing but a foolish child,” he spat as she got to her feet, her chest rising and falling as she fought to get her feelings under control. “A foolish child it seems I expected too much of.”

“I’ve given everything I have to you,” she said, and it was true, “I _will_ bring the Resistance down.”

He looked at her, unimpressed. “Bring an end to Luke Skywalker. Soon, we will have destroyed the Resistance, and their last hope must be snuffed out,” he ordered, then said, without looking at her, “Go.”

Unable to bring herself to heel, she turned, every step until she was back inside the elevator a test of restraint. Once the doors had slid shut, her hands balled up into fists, and her breaths were heavy, forced slower, but still, it felt like she was burning up, the anger and hate flaring hotly in her chest, in her stomach, igniting a fire inside her veins she had no clue how to extinguish.

And she didn’t want to.

Rey knew she could use this, _had to_ , or all that she’d fought for until now would’ve been lost. She was not going to let this continue to happen to her, again and again. She knew what she had to do. Now, she could just pray that she was strong enough when the time was ripe for it.

He was going to pay for this, she swore that to herself.

She had let that Solo win, and for what? He was gone, had fled from the collapsing planet, had slipped right out of her grasp just when she knew his heart had been about to change its course. She had offered him help to realise his powers, to develop them with her, and he’d struck her down.

If she had let herself, she could’ve have cried, could have kicked and screamed. It would not bring her any help, though, would not ease the thoughts she’d fought so hard to keep out of her head when Snoke had berated her.

Even now, she couldn’t tell if it’d been no more than a fever dream, a product of the connection she’d felt strike through her like lightning from a blue sky once their eyes had met in the oscillator.

Rey bowed her head, allowed herself a moment to think back on his hesitation, the way his lips had parted once she’d made her offer. He’d considered it. He really had. He was already conflicted - she just needed to stoke the fire a little more. She knew what she’d seen, what she’d felt. He wouldn’t be able to lie for himself for much longer.

The lights slid by in a steady rhythm as the lift came lower and lower, and

“Prepare my ship,” she ordered the two workers who were waiting to get on.

There was much that needed to be done.

Certainly, this would be the last time she would let herself be dominated by Snoke, Rey thought to herself as she glanced at the small display in the cockpit of the Silencer. Not that even considering what she was thinking of doing didn’t fill her with the same fear that’d been part of her life ever since the Resistance murdered her parents, but she wasn’t about to continue to let him grind her nose into the dirt.

Besides, she’d let Ben Solo go deliberately. She had a plan, and back on Starkiller Base, she’d gotten confirmation that it was indeed possible. All she needed was a little more time, and for the boy to come to his senses. He would soon enough, wouldn’t he? He had to. She’d sensed the conflict in him. Knew he’d at least considered her offer. She gave a grim smile, remembering how that had ended, and absentmindedly traced a gloved finger over the still-healing cut.

Then, her thoughts began to drift to what she had dreamt just earlier this week, and a pleasant shiver shot down her spine.

A series of beeps interrupted her train of thought, and her brows rose slightly after they had furrowed in frustration.

“Oh? A pleasant surprise indeed, BB-9,” she said, drumming her hands on the dashboard for a moment before she shook her head. Everything in her tugged at her to turn her fighter around and chase down that Kaleesh bitch, but unless she wanted to reveal herself, she’d have to stay on target for a little while longer.

“No, no need to reprogram my course. I want it tracked, though. Gelasi won’t slip through my fingers again,” she answered the droid’s questioning chirps.

“Madam, my customers are _very_ appreciative of my vaults’ high levels of discretion, is it really necessary that you have to enter them?” Paw Maccon said, walking too closely behind her for her taste.

“Baron, must I once more remind you of who your allegiance is to?” she asked, voice modulated by her mask.

“Of course not, of course not, I am simply-“

“ _Baron_ , am I to take your continued protests as a sign of treason?” she asked coolly, and the Neimodian blanched, his steps faltering for a moment or two before he caught up to her again.

“No, madam,” he said meekly.

She continued walking until they were in front of the massive doors that kept the contents of the vaults safe from intruders, BB-9 rolling obediently at her heel and stopping alongside with her.

“Good,” Kira Ren said, not bothering to look at him as the alien hesitated for a moment or two longer than she would’ve liked before he unlocked the vaults.

“That’ll be all, Baron. BB-9, with me,” she said as she entered the dimly lit chamber, taking a torch from the wall and lighting it in the brazier before she went onwards.

The stone pillars met in arched points again and again on either side of her as she strode down towards the end of the vaults. She’d tried a few of the old Empire bases before this in the search of scraps of data that would be able to lead her to Luke Skywalker so that she might piece together the bit of the map Ben had somehow gotten away with and taken to the Resistance by now. Surely some old scavenger would have gathered enough junk to include having hoarded what she was looking for, and if the stories were true, there had been a, if not fanatical, then at the least eccentric avid explorer who’d deposited their findings here at Maccon’s palace. Hopefully, their stash would suffice in giving her what she needed.

Kira reached the end of the vaults and secured the torch in the holder in the wall and surveyed the pile of memodiscs- and sticks that, along with relics that looked more interesting than valuable, made up a massive pile in the vault.

“Well, we have our work cut out for us,” she said to the droid, removed her helmet and set it beside her as she sat cross-legged on the floor, taking up the first of the memosticks and inserting it into the slot in the droid. Critically, she let her eyes flit over the projection, but as it showed nothing useful, she took the stick out and replaced it by a disc, repeating the process over and over.

Night had fallen over Cato Neimoidia when she came back out from the vaults. Birds called from the misty forest below, their song mingling with the gentle howl of the wind that toyed around the tips of the towers of the palace. She breathed in the serenity for a moment or two, allowing herself to be taken back to the starry nights of her childhood where they’d slept outside once the summers had been hot enough, pulling out their mattresses to go to sleep beneath the stars.

Continuing, Kira Ren walked into the hallways of the palace, ignoring the few servants she passed as she made her way to the chambers provided by Baron Paw Maccon. Once inside, she ordered the BB-unit into the corner and shut it off, then made sure the doors were securely locked before she removed her mask and unclasped her cape. She folded the smooth fabric neatly, could almost hear her mother telling her to, _or it’s going to get wrinkled, Rey!_

Running a hand through her hair, she sat down on the bed, eyeing the leather jacket on the nightstand. She wasn’t sure why she’d brought it. The TIE Silencer didn’t exactly have a spacious storage compartment, and it wasn’t useful to her at all. She couldn’t even really wear it, not where everyone could see. Maybe she was growing sentimental.

Facing ahead again, her stomach fluttered.

Ben.

He was sitting somewhere, she couldn’t make out his surroundings except for the vague shape of the table he was fiddling with a cup of something at, his other hand in front of his mouth as he stared with a dismal sort of look on his face at something she couldn’t see, either. Or maybe he was just staring out into space. It certainly looked like he was lost in thought. He hadn’t seen her? Noticed her?

Hm. Maybe it was just the way his brows were furrowed and how she could see his jaw clenching and unclenching, but it did feel like he was in a foul mood - his presence in the Force was practically bristling. It reminded her of a porcupine.

Finishing his drink, he ran a hand through his dark hair and was just about to lean back in his seat when he looked up, freezing as their eyes met.

She thought his cheeks turned a little rosy.

“Drinking our sorrows away, are we?” she asked, a grin creeping up onto her lips.

Her tunic was unbuttoned and he could see the reddish scarring running from her face and over her collarbone where it disappear underneath the black fabric. Eyes flitting over her face, lingering for a moment on her lips, he looked down at his empty glass again, giving a frown.

“I think that’s my own business,” Ben said, too tired of arguing to bother bickering with her again. Besides… Something in him had… Not lurched, but somehow, he’d been sort of relieved to see her. And he was painfully aware of how warm his face felt.

It wasn’t like he could block her out regardless, so he might as well indulge, now that she just seemed more curious than downright hostile. That in itself was kind of odd - he was pretty sure he’d be pissed if someone had tried to slash his face off.

“I’m not drinking away any sorrows anyways,” he said, not sure whether he was disappointed or not that she was still in her uniform and not whatever it was she’d been wearing in his dream. Then again, that had been a dream, and nothing more. He really tried to push that highly distracting thought aside and cleared his throat.

“What are you doing? I can’t see your surroundings, just… You,” she said, getting to her feet. Somehow, her voice had turned so very soft upon uttering the last word.

Ben straightened in his seat, partly alarmed, partly wondering what would happen if she started walking towards him. He didn’t know if he hoped she would. Opening his mouth to speak, he closed it again when he didn’t really have a good answer other than drinking for himself in the Falcon, and instead shrugged.

“That’s my own business too, isn’t it? And if you want to hear it, you could answer me the same thing,” he said.

She cocked a brow, looking utterly unimpressed. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” she asked, taking a step closer.

“Why do you keep popping up?” he asked, letting the pad of his finger slide over the edge of the glass.

Her brows twitched together, and she halted.

“What?” he asked, stilling his movements.

“Of course,” she muttered, peering around as if looking for an explanation to manifest itself, “You’re not strong enough…”

“Strong enough for what?” he said. “You’re not the one doing this?” he questioned, pointing between them.

Her lips twitched upwards in something akin to amusement. “No, I’m not,” she said after a pause, taking another step closer.

“Speaking of things you’re not doing,” he said, trying to cover up his confusion, “Why aren’t you trying to kill me again?”

Kira blinked. “It hardly makes sense, given you’re not here. Besides, I meant what I said on Starkiller Base. You’re stronger than you know-“

“You literally just said that I wasn’t strong enough.”

“If you had let me finish, you would have heard me say that you’re stronger than you know, but that you can’t use all that power properly. You’ve only opened yourself up to the Force just now, haven’t you?”

He just looked at her, wondering how in the world she knew that. “Wasn’t intentional.”

“Ben,” she said, and his head shot up at the mention of his name, “With the right training, you would be invincible.”

He narrowed his eyes. It sounded a lot like the legacy-talk Leia was spewing.

“Why, because I’m a Skywalker?” he spat.

Her gaze cut right into his. “No. I _feel_ it in you. Not your blood, your… It’s something else. You can’t see it?” she asked, sounding like she thought he was lying, and she was so close now he could see every single one of her lashes.

“What are you talking about?” he asked with a sigh, exasperated, rubbing his eyes. When he looked up again, she was gone.

Ben turned his head left and right, got to his feet even though he knew he wouldn’t find her.

“Rey?” he asked, and not liking how stupid calling out her name made him feel, he closed his eyes, trying to remember what he’d learned in his brief time as a Padawan.

_Reach inside yourself. Feel the Force all around it, let it wash over you. Let yourself be part of it._

He tried that, searched for that odd sensation he felt every time they saw each other, tried to amplify the Force around it.

Brow sweaty, he opened his eyes. The lounge of the Falcon was just as empty as ever.

He was more disappointed than he cared to admit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I've stopped all other posting on other social media platforms due to the monstrosities happening in the US as we speak, but as AO3 is not a site used for exchanging information, I thought it would be okay to post. I know ship stuff is probably the furthest thing from anyone's mind right now, but if this provides just a few minutes' respite from the chaos surrounding just one of you, then that's good.  
> If you are able, then please donate to the BLM cause: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019  
> If you do not have money, please watch this YouTube video in the background and don't skip the ads: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCgLa25fDHM  
> If you are white/non-black, speak out against racism IRL.  
> Especially if you are white, educate yourself on racial matters and on the systemic oppression of minorities. It is the bare minimum white allies can do.  
> To everyone protesting: stay safe, stick together, and follow the advice from HK protestors regarding appropiate gear for protesting safely.  
> Stay safe out there, and take a break from the media if you are overwhelmed. Self care is protesting too.


	9. Exposé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is woken up by echoes of her past - and Ben sees it. Despite the humiliation of being seen so vulnerable, Rey makes certain to make use of the little time they have through whatever it is that their connection is.

_She never realised how cold the nights could get on Durkteel when you didn’t have a roof over your head. Huddling up closer against the steep banks of the stream, Rey wasn’t sure she was going to be able to go away any further. Despite her only eleven years, she knew that staying wouldn’t be wise, either. Maybe it would be alright, though, she wasn’t the target, or at least she hoped she wasn’t._

_Cicadas and nocturnal birds made a backdrop of different rhythms that faded into a carpet of noise. Her legs stiff from sitting still for so long, Rey cautiously stood up, poking her head up over the bank and pushing the branches aside. There were no lights in the house she’d called her home, not anymore. She was just able to make out the silhouette of the small farmhouse, cradled in the safety of their valley, the other huts a little ways off from it._

_She remembered how scared she’d been, frozen and wide-eyed as she pressed herself against the dirt that made out her inadequate hiding place while the footsteps of the attackers just came closer and closer. Squeezing her eyes shut, she’d just waited for those people to come and find her, to yell out they’d found the last member of the family they’d gone to kill for their crimes._

Please, _she’d pleaded in her mind, lowering her head onto her knees,_ Please, just go away!

_Almost miraculously, the sound had stopped. Then the footsteps had begun to fade away. Her hideout hadn’t been found._

_Stomach barely more than a hard lump of hollow hunger that began to dull her senses, Rey tried her best not to stumble as she followed the stream back to the house, lightly treading over the crops, careful not to step on the flowers her mother had cared for so tenderly, that she’d woven crowns for her to wear of._

_The door creaked on the hinges Mero always promised he’d oil as she pushed it open._

_“Mom? Dad?” she called out quietly, bottom lip quivering when no answer but a leaden silence came. Her knees feeling wobbly, she walked onwards, breath catching in her throat as she came into the living room._

_There they were. On the floor, her on her side, him next to her. In the dim starlight, their still-open eyes stared emptily into space. The clothes were frayed around the edges, scorched where laser shots had hit them, dark blotches where they’d been cut._

_Rey froze, her skinny arms hanging limply by her side as she tried to process what she saw. They looked like oversized dolls that some giant child had thrown aside once done playing with them, not the parents who’d loved and cherished her so, even if their crops had failed this summer and they’d barely had enough to eat. She’d begun to understand that they’d kept her fed while they said that they’d just have dinner once she’d gone to bed. She was old enough for that now. Not for this._

_Taking one heavy step closer, feeling lightheaded, Rey’s ears rang while a wave of nausea roiled in her guts. She didn’t dare touch them. They were no longer her mom and dad._

_The unfairness, the grief and the pain tore so at her chest that she fell to her knees, a choked sob slipping over her lips. What was she going to do? Rocking back and forth, Rey folded around herself, her muffled cries mixed in with the dry rasp of her quickened breathing._

_The dead eyes stared at her, all familiarity removed from their features. Shaking all over, panting for breath, Rey scrambled to get up, scuttling across the floor, a yelp coming from her as a shard of broken glass cut into her hand, and yet, she couldn’t tear her gaze away from them._

_Wheezing, mumbling incoherently, she managed to stand, her breath catching in her throat as she couldn’t breathe. The floodgates to the well inside her opened, every fibre of her being stinging with the raw surge of energy that she’d inadvertently tapped in to. She saw white, saw nothing, felt nothing but agony and a wild rush of power coursing through her until she was back outside the house that crashed around her._

_Terrified, she stared uncomprehendingly at the burning rubble, the flames hungrily licking over the ruins of her home._

_“No!” she screamed, breaking into a run, the tears leaving a trail in the grime and soot that covered her face. Rey sobbed as she tried to dig through the stones and wood, her nails breaking and bloodied against their jagged edges. She didn’t know what she was searching for. Just_ something, anything _, that would be able to remind her of her home._

_The settlement’s alarm bell began to ring, but she barely heard it as she pulled out the small holo-projector. Raising her head towards the clamour that came from the other houses, in the glow of the fire, she saw the Republic pilots Shara and her son, Poe, running at the head of the group that’d gathered. Backing away, she turned and ran._

_The Resistance were nothing more than the Republic’s private army. They weren’t going to let her get away._

_“Rey, come back here!” someone yelled after her. She didn’t care who._

_Sprinting as fast as her legs could carry her, she ran through the harvested fields, ran over the grasslands and the rolling hills, ran until her breathing was ragged and her thighs and calves ached, and she collapsed at the edge of the forest. She wiped her face, looking behind her for any sign of pursuers. Far away, she saw the faint orange glow of the burning house light up the night sky, the beacon a testament to her parents’ cruel fate._

_Staring down at her hands, she wiped her nose in her sleeve. They were trembling. What had that been? Had_ she _made her house fall down around her? Had she somehow started the fire?_

_The fear of being found mingled with the one of her unfamiliar powers. Of course, sometimes, when she was younger, she’d made things flow every now and then until Valkaya very firmly told her not to do that. She hadn’t tried to use it, not willingly at least, since maybe three or four summers ago._

_“Rey,” a voice called to her. The voice she’d heard so many times before._

_She frantically looked around, backing up against the heavyset trunk of a tree, but there was no one around. Just like always._

_“Come to me, Rey. Don’t be afraid.”_

_Although she knew it wouldn’t help, she covered her ears with her hands, squeezing her eyes shut in a futile attempt to shut it out._

_The voice chuckled, then continued, “I can help you. More than you could ever imagine.”_

_“Go away!”_

_“Don’t you want your revenge? Weren’t they killed on Resistance orders? They, who even helped them, hosting meetings in their own home…”_

_“I just want to go home, please,” she whispered, no longer sure where that was._

_“Even Leia Organa came to see them. Can you believe such an old woman capable of ordering the execution of spies?”_

_“Leia wouldn’t do that!”_

_“Hm.”_

_She gasped as something forced its way into her head, and the nights where her parents had thought she’d fallen asleep, where she’d listened at her just barely opened door, appeared in her mind’s eye._

_“We won’t make it through the winter unless we do it, Mero,” she pleaded urgently._

_He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head, his cheeks more sunken than before. “Val, I don’t like exposing ourselves, not with Rey around.”_

_“Would you prefer to see her starve?” she hissed, and her husband looked at her, slowly shaking his head._

_He let out a sigh of defeat. “No. No. Of course not.”_

_She took his hand, gave it a squeeze. “We’ll have to be extremely careful,” she said, eyeing him intently._

_He pressed his lips together, but nodded._

_Rey stumbled backwards, head turning left and right until she stumbled over a root and fell. The dull pain helped ground her, and her brows furrowed, thoughts churning at what she’d just seen. Of course her parents had helped the Resistance. She’d even been there during their meetings, but hadn’t understood much of them anyways._

_“I don’t understand,” she said, voice trembling, and she couldn’t see anything in the darkness of the forest._

_“They were expendable. Killed off as a safety measure once there was just a small risk involved for them. Are those really the people who deserve to call themselves the light of the Galaxy?” the voice crooned._

_Blinking, she shook her head. She’d only seen the familiar uniforms of the Resistance from afar as they’d forced their way inside the house, she’d been out in the garden gathering herbs for dinner, and she’d fled like a coward._

_“If only you knew how to properly wield your powers, Rey. Then you would have been able to save them from the Resistance scum.”_

_The shame that came from the truth of his words settled over her like a heavy blanket, and she slumped more than she already was._

_“I don’t know how to do that, Mom always said I shouldn’t-“_

_“She never knew the magnitude of what you are able to do. You just need training. A teacher. That, I will be.”_

_“I don’t even know who you are,” she protested, feeling dizzy with the foreign presence pressing against the sides of her mind._

_“I’ll find you, young Rey. I’ll find you,” Snoke promised._

She started awake, covered in cold sweat, panting and frantic as she was back in that freighter, back in the ruins of her home, back down at the river bank, back where she could still smell burning flesh and the coppery taste of blood in her mouth. Her chest clenching, she tugged at the covers of the unfamiliar bed, felt as if her throat was closing up, and she gasped after breath, heaved after it, but it felt like nothing at all was entering her lungs.

Finally, she got the covers off, felt simultaneously too hot and freezing as she tried to get to her feet, but her body had frozen up. It prickled in her fingers, in her lips, and Rey doubled over, wrapping her arms around herself as she began rocking back and forth, curling in around herself until her forehead hit her knees.

Uncontrollable sobs pushed their way up her throat, forced themselves over her lips and made it even harder to breathe, and she held her head in her hands as she just begged it to stop, but she knew it wouldn’t, not until she’d ridden it out. Grabbing her arms until her knuckles turned white, Rey tried to convince her body that this wasn’t happening again, that everything was perfectly fine, but holding onto rationality was like grasping at straws, and she slipped and fell into her own head again.

Brows furrowing, he raised his head from where it’d been resting against his chest. What was that? Panting? Still groggy, he rubbed his eyes as he attempted to figure out if it was just the Falcon that was making that odd noise, but nothing mechanical sounded like that, at least not to his knowledge. No, this was something different.

He had heard it before.

Standing up, Ben rolled his shoulders as hyperspace flitted past him, but when he turned around, he stiffened.

In front of him was Kira, her arms wrapped protectively around herself, and she was rocking back and forth in sync with her ragged breathing. Her back was to him, so he couldn’t see her face, but he knew what was happening.

Ben pressed his lips together, something in him aching once. She was just in bed, alone, in her nightwear, and she was just as terrified as she had been the first time he’d seen her like this - or maybe more.

Oddly enough, he felt compelled to help her, to ease her rapid breaths and heaving rise and fall of her ribcage, but she didn’t even know he was there, did she? And what could he even do?

Feeling terribly clueless, he took a step closer, feeling like he was intruding on the most private of places as he watched her, her fingers buried in her hair, her back rigid with tension.

“Rey?” he called out quietly, had felt it, too, if not as strongly, in himself, and yet he still didn’t know how to help now that he wanted to.

She snapped her head towards him. A mix of mortification and anger twisted her features, worse than the first time, and she got up, reaching out her hand. Her sabre flew into it, and she ignited it, her face lit up by it, the trail of tears on her face glittering crimson.

Somehow, she’d gotten herself more under control. Not wholly, though, just enough to threaten him again.

Ben held up his hands, but something in him knew that, even if they could touch through whatever this connection was, she wouldn’t try and kill him again.

“What do you want? Who told you that name?” she snarled, her breathing still somewhat quickened.

“I- you woke me up,” he said lamely, saw her brows twitch into a furrow.

Hesitantly, she lowered her blade, and, discreetly wiping her face, asked with hard-won composure, “Is that so?”

“Yes. I’m not exactly fond of spying on people when they’re…” he trailed off, seeing the challenge in those eyes he knew he could lose himself into.

“That seems like a lie, given this is the second time,” she said hoarsely as she shut off her sabre, laid it away while warily keeping her eyes on him, clenching and unclenching her fists.

He felt her hurt, her aching loneliness that gaped like a great big hole, and he wasn’t entirely sure where hers ended and his own began.

“You…” he murmured, but then asked, “Do you need help?”

She stared at him, but beneath the unmoving mask that was her face, a faint twitch in her lip, the way she still stood ready to defend herself, her breathing yet uneven, betrayed her.

“With the… Nightmares,” he continued.

“How could _you_ help?” she asked cautiously, looking like she was about ready to try and shut down whatever it was their weird connection was.

“I don’t… I just… Know how it feels. It was worse when I was younger, but…” he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck, not sure why he was telling her any of this. Maybe he felt he owed her some vulnerability, too. Who knew how many times she had woken up like this? He had just been there as witness two times. There had to have been more instances than just those.

Rey straightened slightly, something in her expression changing almost imperceptibly.

“What I want to say is that I know what it’s like, and that you’re not alone,” he tried, chest feeling heavy as he realised just how alone he himself felt. How it’d stung to just have Leia dismiss him again, to see Poe look at him like there was something wrong with him, like he couldn’t be trusted. It hurt worse than it should. He ought to be used to it by now, being on his own, had been most of his life anyways. Maybe it just ached more now, when he actually thought about it.

His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down, and he shook his head, feeling foolish.

“You’re not alone,” she said softly, and when he raised her gaze to meet hers, he realised something, too.

“Neither are you, you know,” he replied around the lump in his throat.

Ben allowed himself a moment or two of looking her over, her tousled dark hair, her sharp eyes, the slightly parted lips he lingered on, down over her body - wait a minte. What was she wearing?

His eyes narrowed, and he pointed accusatorily at her, the tenderness of the moment before forgotten.

“Is that my jacket?” he asked, entirely certain that the worn leather jacket she wore over her black shirt was the one he’d lost when she’d taken him prisoner on Jakku.

She stiffened, then looked down at herself before meeting his gaze as she blurted out, “No.”

He blinked. “No, that’s my jacket, it definitely is, I’d know,” he said.

“… No it isn’t. Why would I want to wear your dirty old jacket?” she asked, crossing her arms.

She was _unbelievable_.

Letting out a sigh, he rubbed his face. She was obviously lying. Of course, it made sense she didn’t want to admit it, but then why was she wearing it in the first place?

“You know, I’ve been looking for it for a while now. I wouldn’t mind getting it back,” he said, trying something out he wasn’t entirely sure what was. Forthcoming, maybe.

She studied him curiously, and he tried not to let his face flush when her gaze slid down over him before returning to his face. “You’ll have to come and take it, then,” she stated.

He chuckled, partly in disbelief. “You’d just try to kill me again.”

Her eyes narrowed for a moment, and she uncrossed her arms.

“No,” she said, tentatively taking one step closer to him, “I wouldn’t.”

This time, it didn’t seem like she was lying. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

“What I just said,” she asked, taking another step closer, the same curiosity he’d sensed before lining her voice now, too.

There was just barely half a metre between them now, but he didn’t want to move away in the slightest. He looked down at her face, felt his heart begin to pound ridiculously faster than it ought to, and he swallowed thickly as she didn’t break eye contact.

“Ben,” she breathed, and it practically thrummed between them, something in him lurching when she said his name.

His lips parted, her gaze flickering over his face, and a shaky exhale left him when she searchingly reached out for his hand, not breaking eye contact for a second. They could touch? Eyes flickering down to watch as her fingertips inched closer and closer, goosebumps shot up on his skin as an expectant shudder ran up his spine, sending something warm and tingling out his limbs and to the pit of his stomach and groin as their skin finally met one another.

Her hand was warm, soft.

Their eyes met. She looked up at him, amber eyes practically shining, with something joyous, something mischievous, something triumphant and yet vulnerable.

He remembered the dream, its quite rich imagery popping into his head uninvited, and now it was much more interesting to consider whether that could pan out in reality, too.

R-6 beeped, alarmed, and rolled towards him. Snapping his head to the side, Ben said, “No, it’s fine, R-6, just-“

When he turned his head back towards her, she was gone, and so was the hand on his.

Clenching his jaw, he glared at the droid as it continued screeching, and gave a loud groan.

“ _Yes_ , R-6, I did see her, and _no_ , there’s no danger. She’s gone now anyways,” he said, shoulders drooping. “And aren’t you supposed to keep us on course, huh?” he asked, giving it a rap as he walked past it and sat down in the pilot’s seat again, a sort of guilt-ridden excitement very clearly drawing attention to itself.

For Force’s sake.

Ben rubbed his face. Fuck. He’d been so _goddamn_ close, to her, to giving in, giving in to everything he wanted.

Rey clenched her fist as he disappeared, pressing her lips together. Glancing down at the hand that’d held his just a moment earlier, she flexed her fingers and rubbed them together, recalling how it’d felt, and she closed her eyes, exhaling slowly as she let her head dip for a moment.

She hadn’t appreciated being caught like that, vulnerable as she hadn’t been in front of anyone else for such a long time. Even Snoke didn’t know how bad her nightmares sometimes got, she’d locked that down deep inside a box in her heart and kept it shut until she was truly alone - this time, she just hadn’t been entirely on her own. That connection they shared was an unexpected factor that was difficult to include in her considerations. Twice, Ben had seen her like this.

Somehow, she didn’t feel like Ben was going to exploit it, though. He might not particularly like her, but expose that disadvantage? No. He understood just as well as her how intimate that had been. Besides, who was he going to tell it to? If she’d guessed correctly, he wasn’t hanging around the Resistance anymore, and who else did he have? Plus, he hadn’t tattled on her after he had seen her the first time.

She ran a hand through her hair, recalling the aching loneliness she’d seen in his whisky-brown eyes, remembered how it’d echoed hollowly in her own chest, and she knew that he knew what he was talking about. That he understood.

And he’d known her name.

She sat back down onto the edge of the bed.

“Rey,” he’d said. His voice had been soft, just slightly hoarse, and she kept replaying that short bit in her head as she laid back.

He’d sounded genuinely concerned, too, and even though she was still mortified at him having seen her like that, she was still ambivalent enough to enjoy it a little.

Something far more enjoyable had been to watch him, perplexed as he’d been as she’d come closer and closer, right up until she could sense his distinct scent tickling her nose, right up until she could feel his warmth from his body, could almost hear his beating heart, and something in her groin reawakened as she thought back on how his lips had parted, almost expectantly, how his gaze had lingered on hers, and she just knew what he had wanted. She knew, because she had longed for the exact same thing.

Even though it’d been a while now, his jacket still smelled of him, and Rey breathed it in, holding the collar up to her face with one hand while the other searched downwards to ease the heated pulsing that had only grown stronger between her legs. Recalling the dream she’d had, how he’d felt beneath her hands, she gingerly let her fingers pleasure herself as she recalled how hungrily his mouth, his lips had kissed against her neck and throat. She imagined his hands on her again, imagined him as he pulled her closer, wordless, instinctual lust evident in every single movement, every single little sound that slipped past their lips in their shared ecstasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AO3 is, for me, not a site for getting orientated on irl issues/a news site, but regardless: please sign petitions for BLM. Please donate if you can, and if not, then stream the charity videos on YouTube in the background and don't skip the ads. Ressources are available on this link: https://creative-capital.org/2020/06/03/resources-ways-to-support-black-lives-matter/  
> An example of a charity video is on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCgLa25fDHM
> 
> And as always, stay safe, stick together. I'm here if you need to vent - and I can also be contacted on my tumblr, geranition. Keep fighting, everyone - it's making a difference.  
> Again I hope this could provide a bit of relief and distraction from everything. Take care of yourselves <3


	10. Old wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben visits Batuu in an attempt to reconnect with his old way of life, but a familiar face sends him in another direction.
> 
> Rey is close to finishing her mission of completing the map to Skywalker, but she finds something more than just scraps of maps along the way.

Ben had spent the entire flight to Batuu desperately trying to first sleep, and when his attempts had turned out utterly fruitless, he’d turned to just attempting to not think of her at all. That just made her pop into his head more than she already was, and with no other company than R-6 who was still offended he’d been so angry with it when it, in its opinion, had only been trying to keep him out of danger, it wasn’t exactly a lot of sleep he was getting.

Maybe it was good they had been interrupted. Yes. Certainly, it’d been good.

It was good because deep down, Ben knew he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself if it had continued. And the conflict already brewing in him grew in strength as he, perhaps not wholly consciously, was aware that he’d wanted it to continue.

“Finally,” he muttered as he could begin actually steering the ship, had even considered jumping out of hyperspeed just so that he might have something to distract himself with, but he’d managed to hold out until now somehow. Pulling the lever down, he was pressed back into his seat as the Falcon made the jump, and the blue-green planet came into view. He had to stretch around to begin the landing sequence and execute it properly as he didn’t have a co-pilot, but then again, he’d never had one, and he certainly wasn’t considering getting one now.

Landing in the docking bay, he paid for refuelling and taking up space in the docks before he went on his way down the street of the bustling city into Oga’s Cantina. He knew that there was always work to be found here, and he was willing to take just about anything - anything to stay out of Resistance and First Order business both. He needed to get back on the track he’d been off up until his freighter had broken down on Jakku and he’d been whirled into Kira’s grasp. _No. Don’t think of her_ , he reminded himself, _you’ve just gotten her out your head._

Finding a seat at the bar, he nodded at the mountain of a Blutopian at the other side of the counter, and she came over to where he sat, placing her hands on the desk as she asked, “So, Solo, staying out of trouble, are we? And what’ll you be having?”

Ben considered it for a moment, usually stuck with Moogan tea, and said, “Well, I’m trying to get into some, you know, as the patrols have eased off. And a fuzzy Tauntaun.”

Oga eyed him for a moment, then began making his drink, and he slid a few credits over the counter as she said, “There’s always spice runs. Hakkarh is here now, she’s looking for carriers as usual.”

He nodded, taking a sip. “Thanks,” he said, and she nodded, turning her back to him as she went about her business, taking care of the other customers in the cantina.

Should he really go back to Hakkarh who had ratted him out? Ben took another long sip, running a hand through his hair as he sat hanging over the counter for a little while, considering his options. Of course he’d pocketed the memostick even though R-6 was allowed in here with him, and the way the corners of it dug into his leg was a pressing reminder of the responsibility his mother had laid upon his shoulders. Scoffing to himself, he shook his head and downed the glass. Luke had been… He’d wanted to be like him when he was younger, stoic, wise and powerful. It seemed like all that had been a façade when he’d glared at him with his features, twisted into a dark grimace, lit up by the temple that burned around them.

_“You did this.”_

Ben had felt the surge of power rush through him, he thought it might have been what had startled him awake until he’d seen Kira standing over him with her sabre ready to strike. The temple had tumbled down around them when she had lowered her blade, and that’s when he’d felt the Force run through him, like a bolt from a blue sky. Still, he did not know what had destroyed the temple. Himself? Her? Both of them? There were still so many questions he needed answers to, answers Leia wasn’t providing, answers Maz hadn’t given him - she’d just handed him Luke’s old sabre instead, like that was supposed to do him any good. Wasn’t it those older than him who were supposed to know what was happening and to pass that knowledge on?

 _Apparently not_ , he thought bitterly to himself as he pushed himself up, turning around to scan the room for Hakkarh. Instead, he found someone different.

His father.

He came in just now, his life-long Wookie companion behind him, and Ben froze, trying to figure out what to do, ambivalence making his feet grow roots.

Their eyes met, and he knew he didn’t have a choice. Putting on a wry, boyish smile, he walked over.

“Well, didn’t expect to see you here. Didn’t Leia lure you into the Resistance yet?” Han asked, giving his son an awkward pat on the shoulder.

“No, not really. And it isn’t that odd, I’ve been doing the same business as you for years now,” he said, couldn’t force the word “dad” over his lips. It felt oddly lodged in his throat, hanging there in the silence that ensued.

Chewbacca roared a question at him, and Han crossed his arms over his chest, chipping in with, “Yea, where did you get it? I’ve been looking for that thing for a while now.”

“It was literally sitting in a junkyard on Jakku,” he said, not sure why he felt so disappointed.

“ _Jakku?_ ” Han almost snarled, “She’s way too good for such a backwater planet like that! What’d they do to her, huh?” he said, stomping out the cantina, and Ben followed his father down the main street to the docking bay, not sure why he was explaining it to him as it wasn’t even his ship anymore.

“Well, the guy who I took it from installed a compressor and a primer, but-“

“And you haven’t removed it yet? You know it stresses the system!” Han said, slamming his hand on the switch that made the loading ramp go down, and he and his lifelong companion entered the Falcon before he could protest.

Giving a quiet groan, Ben paused for a second or two before he followed, standing in the doorway as Han and Chewie looked the ship over.

“I didn’t exactly have a lot of time, you know. Leia’s a busybody,” he tried to explain.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Han mumbled as he went into the cockpit.

Ben stood for a bit, hoping for something he didn’t really know what was, and then followed, watching him as he surveyed the wiring beneath the panels in the side of the cockpit.

“Are you back in business?” he asked.

“Wasn’t ever out, kid. What do you want for her?” Han replied.

Lightly shaking his head, he pressed his lips together for a moment, then said, “You know what? Just take her. I’ll just switch with you guys.”

“Really, hm? Well, the B-7 we’re flying still sails smoothly, so you should be good,” he said, brows furrowing as something in the wiring clearly made him unhappy.

Ben waited, looking at his father as he didn’t turn to him, and he wanted to yell at him, to cuss him out and to just have him hug him, to try and explain to him what he was struggling with.

He stayed silent and still, swallowed, then said, “Right.”

“Chewie!”

The Wookie roared, and Han walked right past him out the cockpit, not even sparing him a damn glance.

“Start bringing the cargo over here, we’ll need to get going soon or the Guavians will actually catch up to us,” he instructed, walking with the furry creature out the starship, helping him with carrying whatever it was they were smuggling now aboard the Falcon as Ben watched from outside, glancing doubtfully at the rusty old Loronar B-7.

It seemed to pass by so quickly, the switching between freighters, that he didn’t even realise they were saying goodbye before he’d had a chance to say anything, to get the words stuck in his throat out.

“Take care, kid,” Han said, giving him another pat on the shoulder, and Chewie mussed up his hair with a soft trill, but all he saw were their backs as they disappeared into the Falcon, the ramp raising once they were inside, and the engines of the old ship fired up too soon, and he wanted to tell them to just _wait for him_.

By the time he’d gotten around the lump in his throat, the ship had already raised itself off the ground, had already turned.

“Wait!” he called out, but they couldn’t see him, couldn’t hear him, and his running slowed to a halt and his arm fell limply down his side as he stood staring after his father, cheeks burning as he tried to ignore the glances shot his way.

Disappointment and frustration and something else, something hot and stinging, burned in his chest and throat as he stomped towards the B-7.

“Come on, R-6,” he muttered.

It beeped at him, but followed.

“I swear to the stars, one more word from you, and you’re sold off to the next scrapper I find, okay?” Ben warned it as he strode onto the freighter, trying to keep his voice from wavering. He made his way to the cockpit, flopped down into the seat, and pushed the memostick into the port.

“Be useful for once and calculate a course, alright?” he said, ignoring the disgruntled, quite frankly graphic beeps R-6 shot at him as it reluctantly started setting up the hyperspeed route. The route that would take him to his uncle.

It wasn’t like there was anyone else left to ask, so he might as well try that old dusty legend. Jaw clenching, he powered up the engine and the ship lifted off the ground, and soon enough, Batuu was nothing more than another spot in the endless space around him before he made the jump to hyperspeed.

With nothing else to do but sit there and wait, Ben was yet again driven to try and entertain - or perhaps more correctly, distract - himself. When he’d cleaned his blaster twice, even changed R-6’s oil and sat staring out into nothing for quite a long while, too, he decided something needed to happen.

He had taken the sabre from his belt and begun to study it.

He let his finger trail over the hilt, turned it over in his hands, and, making a decision, stood up and walked to the small lounge area. Feeling a bit clumsy and ridiculous, he twirled his wrist, still not igniting it, and tried to get used to the weight of it again. After considering for a moment, he shrugged off his jacket, slinging it over the backrest of the pilot’s seat before he walked out the cockpit.

Humming to himself, he tossed it from hand to hand as he paced the small room. He turned it on, and the laser cut through the air with a thrumming whoosh as he slashed, recalling the training he had received at the Jedi temple.

_Feel the Force. It’s everywhere, surrounding you, interwoven with everything that you’re made of. You only have to connect with it._

Connect with it. Right. Ben stepped forwards, bringing the blade down with all his weight, but stopped it before it could hit the floor, then spun, making the sabre whirl through the air. Turning on his heel, he cut again, again, letting the sabre follow his movements, let it guide them until he couldn’t feel the weight of it anymore, until he didn’t notice the sweat on his brow as he kept training, training, training, not entirely sure who his target was, but the anger burned hotly enough in his chest that he didn’t care to stop and consider it.

Something tickled at the back of his head.

He wiped the sweat from his brow, chest rising and falling as he drank in breath while turning left and right, searching for her, but she was nowhere to be found.

He didn’t like how disappointed he felt.

There’d been no croaky voice beckoning to him in his head as there’d been when he’d been a Padawan. He hadn’t even felt the menacing presence at the back of his mind, and for that, he was both grateful and relieved - but he hadn’t seen her, either. Shutting off the sabre, he hitched it back into his belt and ran a hand through his hair, feeling too restless.

Why did he want to see her? Frowning to himself, he wondered if it was because it seemed like she was the one person that wasn’t eager to just get rid of him, leave him behind or talk about him behind his back like he was some sort of unhinged monster.

_“You’re not alone.”_

She’d said it so earnestly.

Ben looked back down at the sabre he still held in his hands and didn’t know whether he wanted to fling it away or keep practicing, but he did know that he couldn’t come back from this. Leia did not trust him, and Han didn’t even really seem to care in the slightest what he even did. Anger, annoyance, anything would have been better than the disregard his own father had met him with. Like he was just an acquaintance and not his own son. He pressed his lips together.

He had to go to Luke, even if his uncle hated him. He didn’t have anyone else to turn to, did he?

Realising he’d started to pace the room, Ben reignited the sabre and twirled his wrist as he crouched down into a stance made for attack. Eyes fixed on an imaginary enemy, he lunged forwards, again delving into himself, into the energy around him, letting him guide and empower his swift movements.

Oh, he was being vigorous, wasn’t he? She had to admit, at first, she’d been a lot more focused on how it suited him to have that jacket off and be practicing duelling. His hair stuck to his forehead, and his eyes burned with the same intensity she often felt herself as he slashed and cut through the air. Kira took her sweet time to drink him in, eyes trailing over the way his muscles moved, the way his hair seemed to frame his face. There was something other than just how he looked, though. The anger was plain to sense, and it was strong, and it seemed fuelled by something, a sense of wrongful treatment.

Before she could try and untangle it anymore, he was gone. Letting out a sigh, she ran a hand through her hair and glanced down at the jacket of his she kept by her side in the cockpit of the Silencer. She ran her hand over it once, then focused back on BB-9’s chirps and flicked a few switches, the starfighter dropping out of hyperspeed.

“Navigate towards the Tak-Beam complex,” she instructed, swallowing when she looked up and saw her home planet. “And keep the engines warm, BB-9, I have another few stops to go to after that.”

She donned her usual uniform once having landed, her blade clipped to the belt at her waist, and her mask allowed her to breathe in the smell of ripening hemmel and freshly turned hay drying in the late summer sun. Turning, she eyed the fields and the farmers who had frozen upon her arrival. She didn’t fear an attack from them. The Resistance no longer had a base here, and Durkteel was under the control of the First Order. Besides, they didn’t know who she was, and she’d never lived on this part of the planet, had only ever really been away from home when they went to the market. Back then, she’d been Rey, just another farmer’s daughter. It was too late to return to that life, and more than anything, she wanted to make those who’d taken that from her pay for what they’d done.

Bringing her attention back to the ruins of the Tak-Beam complex, she strode towards it, beginning her search anew. The BB-unit rolled behind her into the destroyed building.

The Rebel Files had been found by the Resistance already, but she knew the excavation crew hadn’t been thorough enough. There was always more than what you expected, and the Resistance had cavernous, complex systems they could scuttle into like the rats they were. The map to Luke Skywalker was not yet done, and if her information were right, the last few pieces to complete it could be found here.

Entering the old disused buildings, she looked around in the front room and headed down one of the three hallways. Her footsteps echoed hollowly as she walked, and faint tremors along the Force led her along her way as she entered the old command room, the ceiling opening up to the bright sky. The computers and displays were singed, rubble strewn here and there.

Kira began tearing open the machinery for a trace of old data. A few mice scuttled away as she disturbed their nest, but she found nothing more than old supply lists and useless flight plans.

Sweaty from heaving stones aside and digging through the debris, she looked out over the command room for a moment or two until she continued, scrutinizing every hallway and room of the old Rebel base, BB-9 having more and more trouble with overcoming the rough terrain.

At last, she found the last two pieces that would complete the starchart which could take her to Luke Skywalker. She pocketed the memodiscs after BB-9 had shown their contents to her, and she turned.

A bulk of stone covered yet another tunnel that sloped downwards into the earth. Kira had half a mind to just ignore it and go back up, but there was a faint echo of something, a whisper of past presences that’d been here before her that made her pause. Glancing at the droid who only looked expectantly back at her, she raised her hand and lifted the stones away, setting them down along the sides of the corridor before she went down deeper.

She came to a room so silent even the sound of her boots scraping over the dirt covered floor seemed to jar on her ears. An uneasy feeling made her light the first of her blades, and she held it out in front of her for light and protection both as her eyes travelled over the cabinets that lay toppled over one another and scattered about the room. Slowly, she let her gloved hand trail over them, immersing herself in the Force, and something called out to her.

Following it, she came to the corner of the room. There was nothing but wall there. Irritated, Kira Ren felt along it, looked at the broken discs and memosticks strewn about her feet, then shut off her blade, hitching it back into her belt. Studying the panelling that met in the corner, she noticed scrape marks along it. She picked up a scrap of metal and lodged it into the small crack, trying to pry it open. It slipped, and she gave a hiss of frustration, but she wedged it in there again and heaved back until the panel was loosened enough from the wall for her to grab it, and she pulled with all her might.

It came off with a plunk, and Kira immediately stuck her hand inside the hole the panel had been concealing. A memostick was in her grasp when she drew it back, and she turned it over for a moment or two before she gestured for the droid to come over.

“Show it, whatever it is,” she said as she stuck it into the slot.

Rising to her feet from her knees as the hologram, small, flickering and in gritty quality, her hands clenched into fists when she saw a slightly younger Leia appear before her.

“Shara Bey, you’re one of my most trusted allies, which is why only you should see this. You can’t even tell your son. Poe is a gifted fighter, but he is still too rash for this kind of thing. Mero and Valkaya, the farmer couple who’s helped us provide insider information on the First Order… They’ve turned on us, and they have a very powerful daughter. She’s something truly special, she and my own son, they could be just the kind of weapon we need in this war. If it wasn’t for their treason, I should have liked for Rey to grow up with them a little longer, but she’s already old to be trained as a Padawan, and if she is to prove useful to us, we need to start training and grooming her to fight for us. Get the girl out and bring her back to the base and seize the parents. They are to be brought to justice as well. Don’t take any chances, though, Shara,” the General said, her expression stern, one fit to a military leader, “Rey is our main target. If they fight back, don’t hesitate. And be careful, they were with us back in the day. They’ll probably have arms, and if anything, Valkaya always was a damned good fighter. May the Force be with you.”

The hologram shut off with a click.

Kira ground her teeth and tried to control her breathing that came out heavier and heavier as the fury flooded every fibre of her being.

She removed her mask.

They’d worked for the Resistance. And they’d been killed off anyways.

_“If only you knew how to properly wield your powers, Rey. Then you would have been able to save them from the Resistance scum.”_

Snoke’s voice rang in her ears and amplified the guilt manifold, and her gut felt like a tight knot of something dark and slimy.

They’d died protecting her. And Leia had ordered the kill.

Shaking, she strode back up the steep hallway, back out the corridors and back out into the orange glow of the last rays of the setting sun.

A very powerful daughter. Something very special, along with Ben. Useful to the Resistance.

Kira clenched and unclenched her grip around the throttle as she flew over the fields and dirt roads. What was that supposed to mean? Had Leia known about whatever connection she and Ben shared all along? Did they know more about it?

Either way, that didn’t matter right now. There was something more urgent she needed to do.

Landing the Silencer in the meadow she’d used to play in when the sheep weren’t grazing there, she picked as many of the wildflowers as she could until she couldn’t carry any more of them in her arms. Then, she followed the stream to the pile of rubble that had been her childhood home, and weaved wreaths of the long-stemmed flowers, made them into two crowns.

Setting them down onto the withered herb-bed, Rey steeled herself and went to the ruins of the cottage, went to the spot that had been their living room, and saw the charred bones sticking out from underneath the stone and singed wooden beams. Ever so gently, she used the Force to lift the debris off of the skeletal bodies, jaw clenching when she saw the old blaster her mother had always told her didn’t work lie flung aside next to them, and she just knew Valkaya had died wielding it for her sake.

She kept the tears at bay and gathered up the two bodies, letting the Force carry their bones and the flowers as she went into the shed that somehow hadn’t been destroyed, too, and took out a spade, carrying it with her as she followed the creek downstream. She walked until she reached the little grove of weeping willows, and, setting her parents down slowly, gently, she began digging.

The sweat rolled down her back and neck. She plunged the metal into the earth once more, tilted, and threw the dirt up, and repeated it over and over as she had for the last long while. Her arms and back burned, but she barely even noticed, determined as she was.

Once the two graves were done, Rey picked up the skull of her father, carefully put the crown of flowers, all purple, blue and white, his favourite colours, onto it.

“I’m sorry, Dad,” she whispered and kissed his forehead, then laid the bones down into the grave, letting the dirt fall over it after she’d laid down more flowers.

She placed the wreath, the flowers all yellow, white, green and red, onto her mother’s skull, and placed a kiss to her forehead, too. “I’m sorry, Mom,” she said, voice raw from emotion as her body, too, was lowered down into her grave. Rey shovelled the dirt into her grave as well, made careful mounds over both of them.

Kneeling in front of them, she swallowed thickly, then said, “Mom, Dad, I should have… I should have been stronger. I should have protected you. I’m sorry I let you down.” She paused for a bit, pressing her lips together. “I _will_ make them pay for what they did to you. I’ll use that power they wanted so badly to avenge you,” Rey vowed, “I’ll make them wish they never tried to get to us.”

She placed her hands on either of their graves, closing her eyes for a moment or two.

“Goodbye. Again, I’m- I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she whispered, the guilt tearing through her worse than her fury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait! I am very busy right now preparing for exams, getting my driver's license after putting it off for like, three years, and preparing for my graduation.  
> Thank you all so much for your patience and support!


	11. Judas' kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arriving on Ahch-To, Ben feels more lost than ever and seeks guidance by his uncle, Luke Skywalker - but it seems that his old Jedi Master has a set conception of who Ben Solo is and what happened the night the Jedi temple was destroyed.  
> Turned away by the last person who might help him, Ben needs to find the truth elsewhere - and Rey provides it, but it only brings him more internal turmoil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> I hope you're still enjoying reading the story! Just a heads up, from the next chapter, the time between uploading new chapters might go up a great deal as I, from the next chapter onwards, will have to write the chapters and not just revise, rewrite and correct ones I've already written, so, TL;DR: thank you for your patience! I hope you'll continue to read along.

It was pouring on Ahch-To. Ben stood under the overhang of the B-7 and looked out over the rocky island, the low growths having an undeniable lushness to them even in this sort of dull weather. He’d always been fond of it, the rain. It always felt like a sort of static that seemed to block out everything else, like a blanket of comfort, and he supposed that was necessary now, too. Holding his hand out under the downpour, the droplets dripped down his hand.

He swung it, flicking the water off, then retreated back inside the freighter only to return outside with a waterproof poncho on over his normal clothes.

“No, stay back R-6, I don’t think your wheels can get up these stairs. Besides, your anti-rust treatment hasn’t been renewed in a while, and I don’t want you to get stuck, alright? I didn’t bring enough tools to properly repair you with,” he said despite the droid’s protesting beeps and indignant shifting from side to side.

Pulling the hood up, he went out, it pattering against the material as he walked. He couldn’t really sense his uncle in the Force. Of course, there were presences here and there, presences he wasn’t familiar with and didn’t know what was. There was only one way to find Luke, then: keep looking until he saw him.

The staircase was steep, the steps small and slippery as Ben climbed them. Slightly out of breath, he paused when he came to a flat section of the island, paved with stone, and several small, cone-shaped huts made up a tiny settlement of sorts, though he couldn’t see any of its inhabitants anywhere. Puzzled, he walked a little closer, saw that all but one of the little buildings didn’t have a door. Well, door or door - it looked rather more like a scrap of metal that had been fashioned into the shape of a door. Hesitant, he rapped his knuckles against it.

He waited. He knocked again. Waited. No answer.

Ben pushed it open and looked inside. There was just a slab of stone with a grey blanket over it and a bundle of cloth underneath it, but no Luke.

Giving a sigh, he turned and headed back out into the rain, holding onto his hood as a strong wind, indication of a storm brewing, blew in between the huts and out over the rocky grasslands. He continued climbing until he came to a cliff that dropped steeply into the ocean below, the waves crested at the top with white. Squinting, he looked at the other side, shrouded in grey as it was as the visibility was worsening, and he saw a figure grab something, a pole maybe, and use it to vault over onto the other side.

His uncle didn’t turn to look at him as he hauled the pole up, and, at the end, there was a great fish of sorts. He removed the hook with a grunt of effort, and, slinging his prey over his shoulder to carry it back, he pushed past Ben, knocking into him with his shoulder as he snarled, “Go away, kid.”

Ben didn’t know why it felt like he’d been kicked in his stomach, but he stood motionless staring after him, arms hanging limply by his side until something kicked him into gear, and he followed.

“You don’t even know why I came!” he called after him, taking the steps two at a time until he caught up to him in the settlement.

Luke began cutting up the fish, cleaning it as he said, “I don’t need to. Now do as I said, and go away.”

He paused. “Leia sent me here, to get you. For the Resistance.”

“Leia has a lot of intentions,” he scoffed, shaking his head.

Ben stared at him.

He didn’t seem like he was about to clarify that comment any further, and since he was already in a terrible mood, he might as well get right to it.

“I… Luke, I need your help, too,” he tried, feeling more than convinced he would only be dismissed again. “I- there’s, I’ve been trying to train with the Force, remember what you taught me, but I need guidance. I need someone to tell me what to do.”

Luke eyed him, his blue eyes cold as ice in the grey bleakness that was the oncoming twilight.

“I offered you my help, and you threw it away. Now, you’re asking me to train you again? When you’re in this state? Please,” he spat, getting to his feet, “Leia thought you could be turned, but I know you, Ben. You never even tried to fight it, not back then, certainly not now. Don’t think I don’t know who you’ve been talking to.”

“What?”

“The darkness in you, the darkness that was always there. I thought you’d made a decision when you joined me in training, but then you destroyed my temple, everything we’d worked on. You almost killed me,” he said, his back turned to him as he walked towards his hut.

“What are you talking about?” Ben asked, feeling himself take a few steps backwards. “I never meant to- I didn’t do that!”

“You did. Now leave, before I make you,” he warned.

“No, you can’t just do that! I came here to ask for your help, and you’re just turning me away?”

“You’ve made your choice. I’ve made mine.”

With that, he left Ben standing in the rain. The door shut after him with a clang, but the silence afterwards was much louder. The water dripped down over his face, the wind whipping the edges of his poncho around, and the darkness settled over him and the ancient village.

He wanted to kick that door in and tell him to explain what the fuck was going on. Ben went to the hut, knocked again. No answer.

Grinding his teeth, he took in a deep breath. One of them had to offer the peace.

“Luke, I don’t know what you mean, but I want you to know I never meant to destroy your temple. I don’t really know how it happened myself, but I never meant to. And I haven’t made any choice. I’ve tried to do the exact opposite - I’ve stayed out of this war, I’ve stayed away from the Resistance, from the First Order. I just came back because Leia asked me to.” He paused, bowing his head, pressing his hand against the shut door. “I came here because she’s just - trying to make me into her successor, and I’m not a General. Han doesn’t seem to think much of me either, you know, so you’re the last option I have. I just want some answers. That’s all I want.”

Silence.

Pressing his lips together, Ben shook his head, leaning his brow against the cold, wet metal.

“If you’re so keen on bettering yourself, then why are you talking to that girl?” Luke asked. “You have no clue how dangerous she is.”

He stiffened, straightened.

“I’m not doing it. It just happens,” he tried to defend himself, but knew damn well he’d been wishing it’d happen again soon.

He heard his uncle scoff. “I should have seen this coming. Kira’s doing nothing but manipulating you, trying to worm her way inside your mind. And you’ve fallen for her ruse. I wanted to believe you were better than this, Ben, I really did. I can’t help you. You don’t want it.”

Ben’s brows furrowed. He swallowed around the lump in his throat. Then, he turned on his heel and left.

Once inside the freighter, he tore off his poncho and discarded it on the floor, pacing the lounge as he ran his fingers through his hair again and again.

He hadn’t even given him a _damn chance_.

“Not now, R-6,” he muttered to the droid who rolled into him to stop him in his tracks, and he went to the small cabin he’d slept in during the flight from Batuu to Ahch-To, shutting the door after himself as he sat down and buried his face in his hands with half a mind to storm right back out of there and force Luke to give him some clear answers that wasn’t the cryptic shit he was spewing right now.

Letting out a groan, he pinched the bridge of his nose. His head snapped up when he sensed that same something as when he’d been practicing with the sabre, and he found her standing in front of him, her face uncovered by the mask, her blade just lowered to her side, a grim sort of satisfaction on her face.

“Now what are you so frustrated over?” she asked, shutting her sabre off with a click as she fixed her eyes on him.

That seemingly everyone capable of helping him figure out his place in this wanted nothing to do with him or had already judged him before he’d even gotten a chance to say anything. That his uncle blamed him for something he didn’t even understand. That he knew nothing about what it was that connected them. That he felt more drawn to her now than ever.

“You really have a knack for showing up at the worst times, don’t you?” he said, but his words had no bite to them.

She ran a hand through her hair as she said, “Remember, I’m not the one doing this.”

“For Force’s sake,” he muttered, getting to his feet and beginning to pace.

Stars, he really was upset, wasn’t he? Kira Ren stepped over Carang and Tovarr out into the clear night and drank it in, eager to get out of the stench of scorched skin and cloth. The satisfaction, the exhilaration, kept rolling over her like waves, and she found herself wishing her aunt and uncle hadn’t been so easy to kill.

They hadn’t even fought, not really.

“What is it, then?” she asked, reluctantly hitching her sabre into her belt.

“Luke thinks I destroyed the temple. He just thinks I’ve turned- he’s given up on me. He did all those years ago. None of them even _try_ to understand anything. I’m not even the one who’s talking to you, it just _happens_ ,” he said, sounding more like he was talking to himself than to her.

“Why do you care what they think of you?” she asked, watching him as he halted. “Why does it matter?”

“They’re my family…” he said, confusion clouding his dark eyes.

“Even when they treat you like this? Family isn’t such a solid thing, Ben,” she said, bitterness tinging her voice. “Why is it so bad you’re talking to me?”

“You’re with the First Order,” he said flatly, an automatic response.

She scoffed. “ _Please_ ,” she drawled, “as if that matters. You know the Resistance has just as filthy hands,” she said.

“What do you mean?” he asked, turned towards her.

“BB-9, mind showing him what we found?” Kira Ren said. The droid played the bit of recording she had recovered back at the Tak-Beam Complex.

She watched him as Leia’s order rang out between them, the faint blue glow of the hologram making the stunned horror on his face ever so more apparent.

“The Resistance is no better when they order the murder of people just struggling to earn enough for their own livelihood. When they order the killing of parents who are just trying to protect their child. When they resort to dirty tricks like this, why do you want to fight for them?” she pressed, saw him swallow as he shook his head, his hands clenching into fists at his side.

“I don’t,” he said.

“Ben, you can make your own answers. They didn’t tell you about this connection we share, whatever it is, even if they knew all along. Do you really think they’ll give truthful answers to your questions when they’ve hidden so much from you already?” she asked, taking a step towards him. “You know, deep down, that it’s not where you belong. Not when your own family treats you like that. Not when they blame you for things you haven’t even done. If Luke believes you’ve turned, then why fight it? Why not use it instead?” she continued, now barely a metre apart from him, so close she could see every single one of his long, dark lashes.

She saw the conflict in him, saw his desires brawling with what he’d been raised to believe was right. When was he going to realise he had been raised on a lie?

“Can’t you see how strong we’d be together, Ben? I know you’ve felt it. Join me, and we can create our own path. We can right all the wrongs you’ve been put through. It doesn’t have to be the way things are right now.”

He exhaled shakily as she stepped close enough to cup his face.

Something flashed through her mind, a scene of a throne, of him in front of it, of greedy hands and bared skin and hungry lips.

Shocked, she blinked, felt the blood rush, but then, her lips parted in a wolfish grin as she saw him flush, looking like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Rey closed the distance between them until she could feel the warmth of his body, felt him shift closer to her, hands settling on her waist, and they fit just right there. She leaned up, wrapping her arms around his neck, and her whole body felt electric as their lips met.

There was a desperation to him, an urgency in his grip as he held her tight against him, but she didn’t protest in the slightest. Only wanted _more_. Still, she pulled back enough to be able to look into his eyes, panting slightly as their eyes met once again.

“I’ll find you,” she breathed.

“Rey, I-“ he said, suddenly removing himself from her, shaking his head as he backed away, uncertainty and guilt and shame pooling in him like dark clouds gathering before a storm.

“I’ll find you, Ben,” she promised, trying not to let her disappointment shine through in her expression as he just stood there, seemingly fighting for dear life against something, gaze averted.

Just before he disappeared from her view, he raised his eyes to meet hers, and she saw the longing, the wish in them.

He’d need to come to her if he was going to get it. But, it wouldn’t be long. She knew as much. Even if all of her ached to be with him again.

Ben stumbled back, staring down at his hands as his back hit the wall. Looking up, there was no one but himself in the cabin. He could still feel her lips against his, could still feel her in his grasp, and he sat down onto the bed as his knees felt like they were made out something that definitely wasn’t anything close to solid.

She’d had that dream as well?

Even thinking of it made the blood rush to his face, and elsewhere, too, and he shook his head, standing up again and exiting the too small cabin to pace the hallways of the freighter instead.

Leia’s words played in his head, too, the considerations over them overpowering his mind until that was all there was room for.

_They could be just the kind of weapon we need in this war. Don’t take any chances. They are to be brought to justice as well._

She’d lied to him. And she knew - she knew about their connection, knew there was something about Rey and himself.

His entire life, he’d been deluded.

Rubbing his face, he paused, placed his hands flat against the wall and hung his head, trying to get in a few deep breaths. It was more difficult than he’d thought. He needed fresh air.

Ben stumbled down the ramp, the wind whipping rain into his eyes, but he didn’t care as he continued walking, not sure where he was headed, and right now, that didn’t matter, either. All that mattered was trying to get that terrible squeezing, tightening sensation out of his lungs, out of his head, chest.

Barely feeling the cold, he went out into the night, steering clear of the edge of the cliff that, should he slip, would send him crashing into the roiling waves below.

Blinded by the water spraying and the turmoil within him, he went along, heaving for breath, his gasps turning into something more akin to strained sobs as he walked. His hair stuck to his face, as did his clothes, but something stopped him in his aimless wandering, and he felt oddly compelled, drawn, even in his despaired state.

It was like something was whispering his name, beckoning him closer.

He paused, raising his head, the tears stopping.

There was nothing else to guide him, and so he followed, followed that call to him that made him climb down a steep cliff-face that flattened out into a plateau of sorts. The moonlight just managed to cut through the rain that came down in ropes, covering the stone in a silky white light - but in the middle of it, there was a great hole of sorts, too regular in shape to be natural. Yet, it didn’t seem manmade, either.

Ben walked to the edge, got down on all fours, peered in over the edge.

Something sucked him in.

He hit the water with a splash, and it went into his nose and mouth. Spluttering, he fought his way back to the surface, frantically kicking and paddling to get to land, and finally, his hands grasped jagged rock. Coughing, he heaved himself up onto the bank, just sitting there on his knees for a few moments as he tried to gather himself as he tried to calm himself down.

Blinking the water out of his eyes, Ben slowly stood up and turned as he looked around the cave. It was far too quiet in here, considering there was a storm just outside. The eerie silence unsettled him, sent a shiver shooting down his spine. Still, he stayed. Brows furrowing, he saw a smooth slab of stone, almost transparent, completely smooth. It was almost as if it’d been polished. He couldn’t see it clearly in the little light. Fingers stiff from the cold, he unhitched the sabre from his belt, and the thrum it gave off seemed far too loud in the silence that was otherwise only broken by the sound of his breathing and the sea dripping off of him, but now, he could see.

In the stone, he saw himself, drenched, shoulders slumped, the sabre lowered to his right. The furrow deepening between his brows, he raised his hand against the slab, breath catching in his throat. Closer. Just a little closer. That _something_ called out to him again when he paused.

“I… Please, show me my place in all this,” he pleaded quietly.

Just as his fingertips hovered over it, just as he touched it, a shock went through him and he gasped, eyes widening as he saw who was in front of him.

Rey.

Her lips were curved upwards ever so slightly, her eyes knowing as she said, “Don’t be afraid of who you are.”

No. This… This couldn’t be what was meant to happen, this couldn’t be what he wanted most. Ben’s lips parted as he looked at her, unable to tear his eyes away until he noticed something odd.

When he looked down at himself, he was dressed all in black. He turned, snapping his head to the side, and behind him, there were endless reflections of him mirrored all around him, and they turned just as he did, copied his every movement. A scarlet glow lit up his features which were set into a stark, resolute grimace. Rey placed her hand on his shoulder. The Qixoni crystal still in his pocket almost seemed to pulse. Heart pounding in his chest, he looked down at his sabre. It had turned red in his grasp.

He dropped it.

As it left his hands, it turned off, leaving him back in the almost complete darkness that seemed to press in on him from all sides like everything else around him, and he stumbled backwards until he fell and the slab was now just showing himself again, chest rising and falling in a rapid rhythm, his shirt still clinging to his torso, and once more, he was the lost, lonely young man he knew all too well.

Scraping his hand against the stone, he got up, hesitantly walked to the almost polished slab again, not sure what he wanted to find there, but when he touched it this time, he only saw himself.

He reached into his pocket, picking out the red crystal. It felt oddly warm in his hand. He was probably just seeing things, but it almost seemed to glow, throb with life.

Clenching his jaw, he let his hand drop and turned, making his way out the cave. He had something he needed to do.

Slamming his fist against the door, he roared, “Luke!”

Clicking his tongue once there came no answer, he reached up to rip it open, but just then, his uncle pushed the door open, forcing him backwards out into the storm.

For a second, they stood facing each other, eyes locked, their hair and clothes whipped around by the strong wind.

Heat flared in his chest. If what Rey had shown him had been true…

Ben bared his teeth as he asked, “Why?”

Luke stared him down. Obviously knew what he was talking about. “It was for your own good, Ben. Leia wanted you to have a normal childhood.”

“What the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean?” he snarled, “Was it better for her, too, hm? For her parents to get killed just so you could collect her and mould her into whatever you wanted? Like you’ve tried to do to me? _A normal childhood_?”

“It was for the greater good,” Luke said, “They’d been selling information to the First Order all along, all for a bit of cash. We had to take them out, or they would’ve caused catastrophic damage to the Resistance. We just made the mistake of letting the girl get away, and now look at what she’s become. What she’s turned you into, Ben. Just look at yourself.”

“You’re lying,” Ben said through clenched teeth.

Luke didn’t reply.

He drew his sabre, ignited it, swung it through the air. The other man merely dodged out of the way, avoided every wild slash.

Ben brought the blade down with all his might, and it sizzled as the droplets hit it.

“You know, you’ve picked the wrong fight, kid,” Luke said, having backed away out of his reach again.

There was a ringing in his ears as he tightened his grip on the sabre and dashed forwards, aiming at the man who’d failed him, who’d deceived him, who’d judged him before he’d even had a chance to define and get to know himself. That choice had been made for him by people who didn’t even see him for him, who just saw him as a tool in their own personal battles.

The molten stone glowed dimly for a moment before he yanked the blade back up, then sideways in a slash that had all his weight behind it.

Ben grunted, surprised when it was blocked.

_No._

He had no weapon, it _wasn’t possible_.

His eyes widened, but his uncle just stared back at him, his grizzly features illuminated in the dark night by the blade he’d caught in his hand.

Trying to get it loose, Ben tugged, but it wasn’t budging. Luke drew him in a little closer, gaze fixed on his face.

“I told you to go away when you first came. Now, be smart, and do just that,” he said, finally letting go, and he flung him across the stones with the Force.

The air knocked out of him, Ben propped himself up on his elbows just in time to watch his old master slam the door shut once more.

Something like gall coiled in his throat and squeezed at his chest, and even the icy rain didn’t help quench the fury that wreaked havoc inside him, laying waste to all that he thought he had known.

And so he got up.

Ben didn’t notice, but the stones beneath his feet trembled, a few pebbles getting shaken off the sides of the staircase.

Something tightened in his stomach as he turned his back on the village, on the little hope he’d had left that maybe just some part of him was salvageable, that his family might have wanted him in their lives, and he knew he couldn’t go back. Every step he took down the steps was heavy, with guilt, with pain, with anger, and he could barely do more than settle into the pilot’s seat.

R-6 rolled up to him, or maybe it’d been there the whole time, Ben wasn’t sure, and he certainly didn’t care, but he just shook his head, a pool of water gathering beneath him. It kept pouring outside, but this time, the storm didn’t bring any comfort. The sound of the rain hitting the panes of the cockpit only felt like it was trying to drown him.

As lightning tore the sky into two, Ben finally found a reserve of something, or perhaps he merely moved per routine as he made the freighter come to life, the engines thrumming as the starship rose from the rocky outcrop he’d landed it on. Passing up through the clouds, up into the blackness and out through the atmosphere, he didn’t bother to set a hyperspeed course, only piloted the vessel with the minimal effort required. He kept his hands on the guide at all times and his eyes fixed on something far away. Anything to keep whatever was dammed up inside of him at bay.

He didn’t know how long he could keep it up, and even now, he knew his hands would be trembling if he held them up in front of himself. He didn’t know where to go. Who to turn to now.

Except for her.

No. He squeezed his eyes shut, but she popped into his head no matter how hard he tried to keep her out.

_“Don’t be afraid of who you are.”_

He didn’t want to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smh Ben Rey's arms are wide open why don't you go there??


	12. Lèse majesté

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey flies back to the First Order to show her Master what she has worked so hard on.
> 
> Meanwhile, Ben confronts his mother about the plot to have him and Rey shaped into tools of war for the Resistance - after getting rid of Mero and Valkaya, Rey's parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Slight suicidal thoughts TW (two sentences, and it doesn't end on that note)*
> 
> I know I've said this a lot but again, apologies for not posting more frequently. I graduated on Friday and I'm very busy celebrating that, as there are a lot of traditions surrounding graduating in Denmark. Thank you all so much for your patience, your support, your lovely comments - it really means a lot <3

“Ah, Kira Ren. _Finally_ you could be bothered to get up to speed?” Hux’s voice called out in the cockpit.

“General, how _pleasant_ to hear your voice. My business isn’t with you, though,” she said, voice dripping with sarcasm as she greeted Armitage. “The map to Skywalker is complete. Inform the Supreme Leader, and make for the coordinates I’ve sent,” she informed him.

“And what, exactly, will doing that give us? Snoke won’t keep following your whims,” Hux said.

“He will if it will bring him Ben Solo.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment or two. “Consider it done.”

“I’ll be joining you on the Supremacy, Hux. I wouldn’t want to miss this for the world,” Kira mused, and she heard him frown.

“As you wish.”

The connection got broken off with a click, and she settled back into her seat. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel the shiver that’d shot down her spine, could still see Ben, his sabre raised and ready to strike, his eyes fierce as he attacked to kill.

She’d felt it in the Force. She knew he’d come to her. Finally, he’d realised what that Resistance was worth.

Hux eyed her with all too apparent suspicion in his eyes as he came to oversee her arrival in the hangar of the Supremacy, his sharp face made even pointier by his pursed lips and narrowed eyes.

“You took quite a long time. Was there trouble?” he asked, sounding like he hoped the latter was the case.

Kira Ren gave the technician who hurried over to attend to her ship a nod, and the woman almost froze in her tracks, but had enough sense to reciprocate the gesture with a deeper incline of her head before she went about her way. She turned, eyeing the general.

“Sorry to disappoint you, General, but no. I merely had some unfinished business to attend to on Durkteel,” she said, and he walked with her down the corridor, hands clasped behind his back. She gave a faint smile behind her mask at the gratification it had brought to see those who’d sold her off to that slaver lie slain at her feet, by her hand.

“Durkteel?” he said, “Isn’t that just some dirty agri-planet?” he asked, his upper lip peeling back in distaste - right until he stumbled on something.

Regaining his balance, he glared at her, but she just cocked her head to the side as if daring him to accuse her before she said, “It is a farming planet, yes, but there’s more to it. It’s an old Rebel Base as well. It provided the last bit of information I needed to complete a chart to Skywalker.” They rounded the corner. “Not that I think it will matter now, but I’m glad I can be the bringer of good news, considering the circumstances,” she added, not without a hint of complacency sneaking into her voice.

Armitage ground his teeth. She’d gotten news of the Resistance fleet’s escape, of how some crew of three had somehow managed to break into the Finalizer and stop the tracking mechanism he’d so proudly announced would soon be ready and running during their shared audience with Snoke. Considering how she’d been humiliated, she didn’t feel very bad for him - it was mostly disappointment that they hadn’t obliterated the little fraction yet.

“Certainly,” the General admitted through clenched teeth.

“And how’s Phasma recovering?” Kira asked.

“Well.”

“Couldn’t imagine anything else,” she mused, recalling the sheer amount of spite and toughness that woman was made out of. Good.

“I trust we’re making for Ahch-To?”

“Yes, following your coordinates. I don’t understand why you’d want us to jump out of hyperspeed before we’ve reached it,” he said.

“You’ll understand in not such a long while, Hux.”

Kira Ren waited patiently as the turbolift ascended, fully able to keep her nerves under control. She’d need it, if she was to succeed.

There was no hesitation in his movements as he pressed down the button, but there was a growing impatience in him he fought hard to bridle as he waited for Leia to accept the transmission. He didn’t need to get it confirmed. Deep down, he knew what Rey had said was true. He just wanted to hear her say it - or just whatever excuse she could fabricate on the spot.

All that gilded speech of a free, democratic, fair Republic where justice would rule once they’d gotten rid of the First Order… It was nothing but smoke and mirrors. It must be wonderful, to keep on being able to tell yourself that what you were doing was for the best when it was nothing but a lie.

She appeared in front of him, her hair pulled up into a regal updo, hands folded in front of her. Something stiff was over her, but that wasn’t unusual when she spoke with him, and she looked at him, incredible sadness in her brown eyes. Disappointment, too, but he’d gotten used to that now, hadn’t he?

“Ben,” Leia greeted him wearily.

“The assassination of Kira Ren’s parents and the plot to bring her to the Resistance. Is it true?” he asked flatly and saw that she knew exactly what he was talking about.

“There’s still time, Ben. Luke can help you, can teach you,” she said.

“He didn’t even try to. Is it true?” he repeated the question, not interested in what else she had come up with to try and sway him.

“You found him?” Leia asked.

Ben forced himself to stay still, to breathe in and out, and he remained silent.

“You don’t have to go down this path,” she reminded him, “You can do a lot of good here.”

“I only want one answer, Leia, that’s all I ask,” he said calmly, “ _Is it true?_ ”

Calculating, the General studied him, and he could see her mental chess game playing out again. She seemed to reach a conclusion. Straightened slightly.

“Yes. It’s true, but I would like to explain something to you. It was a necessary evil. Rey had too much potential to leave like that, and as Mero and Valkaya betrayed us, who knows if it would escalate and they might join the First Order instead of fighting it with us?”

“Like it was necessary to ship me off to Luke? So I could be what you wanted me to be, too?” he asked.

“That was because I thought he could help you,” she countered.

He scoffed. Knew she’d been relieved to be rid of him. “Right. I don’t think I have anything else to say,” he said.

“Ben-“

He cut the transmission off and got up, lightly shaking his head as he walked down into his cabin. The lightsabre was still on the bed, and he picked it up, recalling how he’d wielded it on Ahch-To, how Luke, despite not being armed himself, had been able to knock him down as if it’d been the easiest thing in the world.

He wondered where his old sabre was, if he should make a new one. Again he felt the Qixoni burning a hole in his pocket. The one in his hand didn’t feel quite right - like it was out of place, oddly unbalanced in his grasp. Just barely, though. As he ignited it, he felt how his movements had gotten smoother, improved as he’d trained, and yet, he needed to be much better. He needed someone to show him how to best wield what had been given to him by the Force - and it would not be to fulfil some hollow, facadic legacy that was falsely celebrated when the foundation was nothing but a man who’d given up at the height of his power, a bitter old man, and a crone who glossed the truth over so much she was starting to believe she was right. What a great thing to live up to.

It was time to let that past go, to let it die.

Heading back for the cockpit to re-evaluate the hyperspeed course with the sabre in his belt, he glanced at the shut down astromech that’d been his companion ever since he’d first found it abandoned in the docking area near Maz’ castle when he’d first begun his own smuggling career. He remembered how it’d been a brief respite to have fixing R-6 to focus on instead of worrying about the disdainful looks shot his way by fellow dodgy existences, instead of listening to what they said about him. How could the son of a Republic Senator ever want to be a smuggler? Surely, he just worked undercover to expose their businesses. Not having wanted to listen to those accusations or to bother with trying to convince them it wasn’t the case, he’d decided the droid would be enough company. Now, he saw the rust spots and dents, and he sighed as he brushed a hand over its conical top on his way to the pilot’s seat.

Ben was just plotting coordinates into the navigation computer, the freighter flying at cruise speed away from Ahch-To while his thoughts vaguely lingered on what he’d seen in that cave, as the ship jarred to a halt. If he hadn’t been holding onto the backrest of the chair, he would’ve lost his balance.

All lights in the dashboard had died.

“No, no, no…” he mumbled to himself, letting out a grunt of frustration as the starship didn’t react in the slightest when he tried to turn it back on. Lowering his head to peer out the windows, his heart dropped right into his boots when he saw the mammoth Dreadnought above him, when he realised he’d been caught in a tractor beam.

He knew this was Snoke’s ship, had heard the tales of the gigantic Supremacy, and, until now, he’d dismissed them as being blown wildly out of proportion. They’d been true, though. An impending sense of dread settled heavily in his stomach.

Was Rey going to be on board? She’d said he should join her. That she’d find him.

 _You’re not alone_.

It’d been a reassurance, a promise. Ben swallowed thickly. The hope that thought brought with it helped settle the wild panic that was threatening to boil over in his stomach.

He could do nothing but watch as the B-7 was drawn into the hangar. Trying to fight the entire crew of the flagship of the First Order would be entirely useless, rationally, he knew as much, and yet, he still made sure his holster was adjusted accordingly, the blaster ready, and the sabre in his belt.

It thumped just outside the freighter.

A squad of Stormtroopers entered once they’d broken the door down.

“Hands up where we can see them,” the one in front said.

Ben stood unmoving, but didn’t reach for his weapons even though it itched in his fingers for him to do just that. He wasn’t going to get captured like this again if Rey was on board, was he?

The squad spread out around him, blasters pointed at him. The one who’d spoken before repeated his order, and when he didn’t obey, two of the Stormtroopers seized him. He didn’t struggle as they confiscated the holster and sabre, but shook the hands around his arms off.

“I can walk on my own,” he snapped, walking down the ramp where a platoon of more Troopers awaited him. As did Kira Ren, and another person clad in shining chromium armour, a cape slung over her shoulders.

“Seize him,” the Captain said.

Lips parting in disbelief, he stared at her, her stone face and formal posture. She wasn’t wearing her mask, but it might as well have been so, given how dead the look in her eyes were, how unmoving her features were as one of the soldiers handed her the lightsabre.

“Ah, good,” she said, voice eerily smooth, and she raised her gaze to meet his.

He saw nothing of the trust, vulnerability, longing he’d felt during their visions of one another, saw nothing at all except a slight, triumphant curl to her lips as she said, “Bring him along.”

No, no, no, this couldn’t be happening. Ben tried to get a hold of her again, but she’d turned around already. Cuffs were placed around his wrists, keeping his hands in front of him.

“I thought you’d help me,” he said, not liking how close to breaking his voice was, the Troopers’ grip on him tightening as he tried to shove forwards to just get to her.

She glanced at him over her shoulder, looked him up and down, then dismissively said, “I don’t need anything other than you coming here.”

She’d lied to him, too.

He felt like he’d been punched in the gut. The air seemed to be knocked right out of his lungs, too, as he stood looking after her as she walked.

The Stormtroopers shoved him along. Too stunned to protest, he mechanically put one foot in front of the other, eyes fixed on her back. It’d all been an act to her - all those things she’d said, she probably hadn’t meant a single one of them. Had he really been so gullible?

“I’ll handle him from here on, Phasma,” she said as she headed inside the turbolift that’d just descended.

“As you wish, Madam. And congratulations. The Supreme Leader will be pleased,” the Captain said as her men let go of him. Ben stepped inside the lift, jaw clenched.

Once the doors slid shut, he tugged at his constraints, if anything then to distract himself, but they were not budging. Not that he had expected them to.

The small compartment began moving upwards, the slight jostle of it the only sound heard in the tense silence that stretched out longer and longer between them. He stood next to her, maybe a metre or so between them, and she looked straight ahead. Her dark hair hung loosely down her shoulders except for the front part of it that was tied back into a braid. Her gloved hands were folded in front of her, no skin bared except for her upper neck and face, and Ben found himself looking over her scar.

“Rey,” he said, not sure what he expected to gain from it.

She turned her head in an intermittent movement, her features perfectly still as she looked up at him.

“You don’t have to do this,” he urged, “Remember? You said I should join you, you said that together, we could make something for ourselves, our own path. That together, we would be invincible. You don’t have to serve Snoke. You don’t have to do this.” He swallowed. “ _Please._ ”

“I’m surprised you believed all that,” she said, and it hurt more that her voice was so utterly neutral and flat. Even goading would have been better.

He swallowed his gall and tried again, turning towards her so that he might face her properly. “You aren’t happy here, I saw that. _Let me help you_ ,” he pleaded, and the worst part was that he knew she was suffering, would continue to do so under the yoke of Snoke, even when he was dead and gone - not that it mattered much in the grand scheme of things. No one wanted him around anyways. “You don’t want to kill me. You didn’t want to all those years ago, why should you now?”

“I’m no longer a little girl afraid of herself. I know what I have to do to get my way,” she said, seemingly unfazed by his entreaty.

The doors slid open. Ben didn’t move, just felt himself press his lips together as no emotion flitted across her face.

“I take it you can still walk on your own,” she said, but nonetheless, she grabbed him by the elbow and steered him out. He didn’t bother to fight it, but shook her hand off of him, no matter how much he cherished the little touch. She let him, and he turned, taking in the large room now revealed to them.

A catwalk of sorts widened into a space where a black throne, shaped with rigid regularity, stood in contrast against the crimson of the walls. Guards, eight of them, stood clad in armour and robes of the same colour, but they were unmoving enough that they rather resembled sculptures than human beings. On the throne was a man, not wholly human, tall and slender, clad in a shimmering, golden robe. His deformed face, the left cheek caved in and a horrendous scarring marring his entire head, lit up into a satisfied smile that made his icy blue eyes glitter ominously.

“I see your plan did indeed succeed,” said Snoke, “I’ll admit I didn’t believe it at first. I thought the weakness in you had grown. My faith in you is restored, my young apprentice.”

Kira walked past him, but he didn’t want to get any closer to that man and had paused just a few metres from where the catwalk broadened. She came up to stand beside the throne upon the dais, and Ben watched her as she laid his sabre on the armrest as the Supreme Leader turned his attention onto him. His gaze was penetrating, and he felt as if his very soul was laid bare. His body tensing subconsciously, his hands clenching in their cuffs, yet he didn’t flinch away.

“And young Skywalker…” Snoke chuckled, “Welcome. You fell for her ruse. I’d expected more from you. Disappointing, really. You haven’t even managed to build on that strength you possess so much of. A shame, that we won’t ever see it.”

The cuffs unlocked and fell to the floor with a clunk. Ben saw his own self looking up at him in the shiny floor before he raised his eyes to meet Snoke’s again as he absentmindedly rubbed his wrists.

“I warned my young apprentice that her equal would only grow stronger when she first didn’t manage to end you. A foolish mistake on her behalf, but you’ve seen what she can do now, haven’t you? Come closer,” he ordered.

Ben felt the anger, towards him, her, the burning hurt of the betrayal, flare hotly in his chest, and he refused to die humiliated, too, and so he didn’t budge.

He cocked his head to the side. Ben felt his body freeze, not by his own will, and something pulled him closer and closer to the throne, until he was down where the dais began.

“She won’t bow to you. Neither will I,” he snarled, but the words felt hollow on his tongue.

He was holding on so tight to the hope that somehow still remained in him that he was afraid he was beginning to choke it.

The Supreme Leader laughed. “Oh, Kira, what _did_ you do to him? Even as he knows it’s all but a lie, he continues to believe. You really are as gullible as your mother, young Skywalker. An idealist with too much hope for your own good. It is about time that it be snuffed out,” he said, and Ben felt something probing along his mind, like a claw gliding over skin.

“I’m sure they could have had good use of you, as they tried to exploit my apprentice in the same way. Oh yes, I know all about that, how Organa’s plan was to bring her back into the fold of the Resistance so that they might have two mighty weapons,” Snoke said, then parted his lips in an unnerving smile that seemed more like a grimace in his deformed face. “Just like it was your plan to win her over. Now look at what that got you,” he mocked him.

Something tore into him, into his head, right into his very soul.

The pressure was worse than it’d been during Kira’s interrogation of him, worse than anything he’d ever felt before. A scream tore through his throat as the strain turned into searing pain. Everything but the burning agony was blocked out.

Ben didn’t even notice it as the throne room echoed with his cries of pain, every single muscle tensing, trying to get him away, to escape, but Snoke did not let him move even a centimetre.

It felt like an eternity had passed when he was finally allowed to slump to the floor, his body now once more his own to control, but his head was still hazy from the pain.

Ben pushed himself up, panting as he blinked rapidly, a groan coming from him as he quickly got to his feet again.

He was just toying with him. The cat with the mouse.

Baring his teeth, he stretched out his hand, reached out with the Force for the sabre. It landed in his grasp. Might as well go down fighting. He ignited it, raised it, and then, his body froze again.

Snoke didn’t even move, and his weapon was taken from him to lie on the armrest yet again. His limbs moving of their own accord, his knees bucked, and he was made to kneel right in front of the throne. He glanced up at Kira Ren who wasn’t even looking at him, and a bitter regret welled in his gut.

He should’ve known.

“Very well. I think it is time you fulfil the mission you failed to complete eight years ago,” the Supreme Leader said.

Kira finally fixed her eyes on him, didn’t look away as she grasped her sabre. Ben’s lips parted, but he shut his mouth again. He wasn’t going to die begging. Not even for her.

She raised the sabre, slowly, as if she was enjoying dragging this out, but now that it was only him who could see her face, there was life in her dark eyes.

His brows twitched together in confusion.

The sabre thrummed as the blade was ignited - but it was only the one of the two. Kira swung her hand back before her master had time to react, and a gasp came from him as it pierced his torso.

A silent plea. For forgiveness, for understanding, for cooperation. There was no time for words, and she couldn’t risk revealing her plans - she needed every advantage she could get.

Rey forced the blade all the way through Snoke. Ben, now able to move again, got to his feet.

The Praetorian Guards were already charging at them, and she heard the crackle of the electro-chain whip to her side.

They locked eyes, confusion, relief, surprise flitting across his features until he nodded, and resolution replaced them. He reached out, and the sabre flew right into his grasp.

Back to back, they turned to face the guards.

Igniting the second blade of her sabre, Rey met the first as he cut down with the electro-bisento, parrying the blow with her sabre. Spinning, she raised her staff-like weapon with both hands to catch the vibro-voulge of another guard with the middle part of her sabre. She kicked him square in the stomach with a grunt, then cut a swath in a wide slash to give herself some room, forcing the guards around her back unless they wanted their kneecaps cut open. The guard she’d just been fighting was still walking back, and he met his end when the blade of her sabre penetrated his armour right through the chest.

Seeing that one of the two armed with an electro-chain whip was about to use the opportunity of Ben’s exposed back to attack him, she rushed in and caught the wrist of the attacker before he could bring it down. She cut off his arm, swivelled, and stabbed him through. Ben glanced at her, grateful, but then there were two attackers on her. Barely managing to duck under the two vibro-arbir blades that cut through the air right where her head had been, she retreated back, panting, and aimed along her blade at the guards, gaze jumping between her four opponents, head working hard on figuring out just how the hell she was going to get herself and Ben out of this alive.

There really was a reason why they were especially picked out, huh? Snoke always had been eminent at picking out gifted ones.

Rey ducked beneath another whip, ignored the pain as the bisento cut into her shoulder, and instead rammed her sabre up into him, lunged forwards, and used the momentum to cut through another. She had learned how to get used to pain.

She sensed something, like electricity had danced through her. Dancing back yet again, she saw that a body was lying at Ben’s feet as well, and he faced yet another enemy. A deep gash on his arm leaked blood, made it drip from his right hand.

They exploited her distractedness.

The whip coiled around her sabre, and as she struggled to get it free, the Praetorian pulled her in. Finally, she yanked it back, but the other had been waiting. He caught her, and, pressing the handle of the bisento up against her throat, he had her in a tight hold. Her sabre clattered to the floor. The whip-wielder snapped the joints of his weapon together into a staff, and, as she fought to get out of his grip, trying to push it off of her, the guard came closer and closer, the sharpened tip of his weapon catching the light.

Ben who had just driven his blade through his last opponent, turned, relieved. His eyes widened when they met hers. Grunting, she struggled. He looked down at his sabre, realised he was too far away, then threw it. She ignited it just as she caught it. The pressure against her throat fell away. She cut the last Praetorian down, and the body crumpled to the floor with a dull thud.

Panting, she didn’t look away from him as he stood there, the blood dripping from his fingers onto the floor. The throne room was a wreck around them, but she barely took note of it as her lips parted.

“Ben, I had to.” She swallowed. “Everything Snoke said, capturing you, having him…” she trailed off, recalling how he’d screamed out his agony when her master had tortured him, and she knew just how that felt. “All of that, it was to trick him. I needed you to think I’d lied to you all this time,” she said, and for the first time in years, her voice wavered. “I needed you to believe I’d betrayed you.”

Despite how they’d fought together, she saw how he was hesitant to trust her. Of course. Everyone else had done that, she, too, but he had to understand. He had to understand. She couldn’t lose this connection now she’d just found it again. She saw how she’d hurt him, just like she’d felt his roiling emotions and bitter acceptance in the turbolift where she’d almost cracked and told him of her plan, and part of her wished she had.

“I’m sorry,” she said, taking a few steps closer to him, raising her hand. An offering. “Apart from that, everything I’ve said to you has been the truth, and nothing but it. Ben, together we can rule over the Galaxy, we can right all the wrongs dealt to us,” she said, watched him as he stared at her outstretched hand. Along their bond, she felt his conflict, felt his hurt, but beyond it, something else.

“Join me. Please,” she whispered.

His chest rose and fell. He raised his gaze to meet hers, and her breath caught in her throat.

He took her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HE DONE DID IT NOW FOLKS  
> HE DONE DID IT


	13. No place like home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Snoke gone, the First Order must find a new Supreme Leader - but will HUx have a say in that matter?
> 
> Rey and Ben find that there are certain advantages to seeing each other not only through the Force bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deadass do not have an excuse for not updating other than working full time is hard my dudes but I've missed writing on this fic so so much and I hope some of you are still reading along!:) Again, apologies for the long wait, thank you so much for your patience!

He took her hand.

She hitched in a breath as something sharp and pleasant shot through her at the touch, eyes widening as the two of them inevitably moved closer and closer, hands only loosening their grip on each other to clutch at the fabric of shirts as they pulled each other into a tight and much needed embrace.

Rey drank him in, his arms around her, his scent, even if it was mingled with blood and sweat and fire, and beneath her palms, she felt the tension in the muscles of his back ease up as they hugged. His nose was buried in her hair, chin against her temple, and she savoured it all, not wanting to ever let go when it finally felt like coming home.

Something wet at the small of her back drew her back to reality, though. Pulling back, the image of the Praetorian’s whip cutting a deep gash in Ben’s arm shot into her head, and the wild rush of joy that had surged through her stilled and froze.

Even more so once he slumped slightly against her - not much, but enough.

“You’re hurt,” Rey said, the guilt already eating away at her gut as she searched his face. It had gone a little pale, but his eyes were clear, and he just parted his lips in a boyish grin as he shook his head. He looked younger than she had seen him in a while now.

“I’m fine, Rey, I’m fine,” he murmured, not having let go of her as she had of him. He leaned down, lightly brushing his thumb over her cheekbone, and right then, she caved as their lips met in a tender, lingering kiss she wished could have lasted longer.

“Not if that’s all we do. Come here, let me see,” she said. Having tended to her fair share of injured Stormtroopers until medics could arrive, she cut a strip of her cape off with her sabre and, surveying the cut that was too deep for her liking, routinely wrapped the cloth tightly over the wound.

Awaiting to see if it would bleed through - she didn’t think so, there hadn’t been any pulsating bleeding - she realised that they were still standing very close, and that Ben was looking straight at her.

She just might as well drown in those eyes.

“Do you have any other injuries?” she asked, acutely aware of just how warm he was, standing so close to her as he was.

“Mh, no, not much except a few scrapes and probably bruises later, that’s all. You?” he asked, concern lining his voice as he glanced at her shoulder and she merely shrugged, raising a hand to feel the already scabbing cut.

“It’s fine, too. And better than yours, by the way,” she said, watching him and his slightly furrowed brows as he surveyed it to verify her words by himself.

He met her gaze again.

 _We did it_ , their wordless exchange almost seemed to say.

Lips curling upwards, Rey found herself grinning up at him, who mirrored the expression, and for once, the young man she had felt such an awfully deep connection with all these years finally seemed happy, utterly void of burdens.

She stepped closer, felt him leaning in as well, and she buried her fingers in his thick, wavy hair, their lips almost touching when a certain presence cut through in the vibrations of the Force like a sharpened icicle.

Giving a sigh, Rey pulled away, impatient, and turned to watch as Hux came walking in so fast it just as well could have been classified as a run.

One of the banners landed on the floor with a thud as the General came up close enough for them to really see how his features were twisted into a mask of hardly contained fury.

Now aware of the odd feel beneath her boots, she realised Ben’s blood had dripped onto the floor, it shining duller than the polished floor as sparks flew from the walls of the ruined room.

“You absolute madwomen, what the _hell_ have you done?!” he snarled, prowling closer, his usually so tidy ginger hair undone, a lock hanging down over his forehead.

Ben, now having slid his hand down to reside protectively on her hip, stiffened, and she sensed the urge to protect himself as clearly as the disappointment when they had had to break the kiss.

Gently, she gave his hand a light caress, then took one step forwards, head held high as ever.

“Oh _please_ , as if you haven’t been waiting for that old man to die ever since you and Phasma got your father removed,” she said, keeping her hands off her sabre for now.

Armitage did not spare her a glance as he cleared the obstructions of the fallen guards and debris, making his way over to their old master’s body. His chest rose and fell, his gloved hands clenching into tight fists.

His head snapped to the side, icy eyes narrowing as he glared first at her, then at Ben.

“This is mutiny,” Hux said, his voice far too calm. “I thought you would have dug your own grave a little more elegantly, but I suppose not - but then again, you truly are a hothead. I didn’t think you wouldn’t be able to take a little more of Snoke’s japes,” he sneered, striding towards them.

“You’re forgetting something, General. It doesn’t matter who the Supreme Leader _was_ \- it matters only who it is now,” Rey said, steeping in front of Ben as she drew her weapon.

Hux’s upper lip peeled back from his teeth, curled upwards in a cruel smile.

“No one is ever going to accept that Solo boy as part of this, and you know it. Besides, what right do you have to claim this for yourself? You’re the daughter of dirt-poor farmers - farmers who even worked with the Resistance! If your loyalties weren’t already doubted, they surely will now, given your outrageous choice of accomplice, Ren,” he said.

“Hux, if one more word comes out your mouth…” she hissed, feeling her grip around the hilt tightening.

The redhead cocked his head to the side, narrowed his eyes, then clicked his tongue. “Come on, just kill him, blame it on him, then you’ll have no trouble at all convincing Pryde and the rest that you deserve a place at the top. I’ll gladly do it for you, if you’re still too soft for it.”

Rey sprang forwards with an upper hand stroke, and the stench of burnt hair wafted into her nose. Spinning on her heel, she kicked him in the ribs, grabbed him around his middle and threw him to the floor.

Reaching her hand out, her sabre flew into her hands, and as she ignited it, straddling Hux’ chest and pressing the hilt against his neck, not giving a damn about his sputtering or raspy breathing.

“Dare to question my authority just once or even as much as _touch_ Ben, and it _will_ be the last breath you’ll ever take,” she swore, staring him down, waiting, even as he had given several weak nods already.

Finally, she released him and got back on her feet, not bothering to watch him as he wheezed air back into his lungs, calling, “Inform the rest of the First Order’s new ranks. Winner takes it all, Hux,” over her shoulder as she walked back to Ben.

Watching the man - who apparently was a General - as he lay propped up on one elbow while his free hand clutched at his throat, his gaze slid towards Rey as she returned to his side and, with a gentleness that did not at all match what he had just seen, she took his hand again, and he willingly followed as she led him out of the throne room.

More than just a few people stared at them, some more discreetly than others. None of them protested though, at the most spoke in urgent, hushed voices amongst themselves when they had passed, and Ben felt the tension beginning to seep back into his body as he wondered just what he had gotten himself into.

Once Rey led him inside into what he could only presume was her quarters and the doors slid shut behind them, though, he found himself breathing a little easier. Glancing around, he wasn’t sure what he had expected - sleek, glossy walls, barren of decoration, of anything warm and soft - he was surprised to find an abundance of plants rising from the floor, hanging from the ceiling, spreading from the walls. Yet, it made complete sense to him.

“Snoke let you have this?” he asked, uncertain of whether or not it was a good idea to mention her old master.

Giving a frown, Rey went about her room, pointing towards one of two black leather chairs in front of a grand panorama window as she told him, “Sit down first, you’re still not properly patched up. And Snoke didn’t need to know everything about me. Some things, I could keep for myself - other things, not so easily.”

She paused, eyeing him, her brows furrowed as her gaze flickered over his face. “As I’m sure you noticed,” she said blankly.

Ben thought back on the sharp claw that had gutted his mind for all its secrets, all his deepest, most private thoughts, and shuddered, though he tried to repress it. He did not want to recall it.

“He’s dead and gone now,” she said, walking over with a medkit as he took a seat in one of the chairs. On her way, she pressed a button at the side of the window that went matte at her touch, allowing them privacy.

Ben shifted, acutely aware that this was the first time they were alone together outside the Force bond, and even if his arm stung and he knew he needed treatment, he found himself following her movements; the way she tucked her hair behind her ear, her dexterous way of laying out and prepping the materials, how her lips moved as she exhaled, then raised her eyes to meet his.

He started, felt his face heat as she raised her eyebrows questioningly.

“Who was he? And Pryde?” he asked abruptly.

Rey gave him a long look he could not quite figure out. “Armitage Hux. A General, young, as you saw, but very ambitious. His father was… Unkind, to put it mildly, and he’s a bastard child. You can imagine how that played out,” she explained, taking out a cloth and undoing the improvised bandage around his arm, wiping away the fresh blood. “And Pryde is a veteran of the New Order. Hux hates his guts, and I’m not particularly fond of him, either.” She cleaned up the wound with the flash-steriliser.

“Does Hux hate you, too? He doesn’t seem very keen on either of us.”

She frowned. “I’m certain he does, but he’s rather more a nuisance than a real threat. He’s full of pride, and a smug bastard who’ll use every opportunity to piss you off just to please himself, but he’s good at what he does, and I don’t think he’ll actually do anything. He wants to rise to power. Unless he’s going to kill me or you, this is as high up as he’s going to get,” she said, pausing as she was readying the regeneration bandage.

Ben looked doubtfully at her.

“Oh. No, he won’t try it.” She turned his arm over, tried to focus on the task at hand instead of just marvelling at how easily she could touch him without having to worry about their visions of each other ending as abruptly as they always had, or that he might flinch away from her.

“Really? He shot me a very dirty look, you know,” Ben said quietly, tone amused.

She chuckled, beginning to dress the wound. “He looks at everyone that way.”

A silence settled over them, not uncomfortable, as she worked to take care of him, her movements gentle yet precise.

It was almost disappointing when she was done. Straightening, Rey paused when their eyes met and he was looking up at her, expectantly, admiringly, and there was something boyishly giddy about it that she didn’t move her hand away. Especially not when he laid his over hers. It was warm, and the touch sent a pleasant shiver up her spine.

Slowly, she moved away, just enough to brace her hands on either of the armrests so that she was leaning over him. He didn’t move away.

“Do _you_ look at everyone that way?” he asked, voice just slightly raspy, and even from here, she could sense his excitement. He kept still, though.

“Hm, no,” she mused, raising up to cup his face as she leaned down further, featherlightly pressing her lips against his.

Again, he didn’t move when she pulled away just far enough to be able to look at him, and she could feel his breath against her chin, saw his gaze dip to her mouth, lower, and she slid her fingers into the thick, soft hair she’d wanted to run her hands through for so long as she kissed him again.

Shifting beneath her, he leaned upwards, tugged her closer by the back of her thighs until her knees bumped against the chair, and she climbed up into his lap, straddling him. His hands smoothed down over her back, her ass, and she pressed herself up against him.

Ben pulled back, kissed along her jawline, down her neck, driving a pleasured sigh from her, and he seemed utterly impatient when her high collar got in the way. Glancing up at her, as if asking for permission that she gave immediately by pulling him into another kiss, heated this time, he began unfastening the smooth cloth of her sleek uniform, unclasped the hooks at the neck and undid the buttons fastened to the left side of her shirt, baring her skin as he went. He peppered every inch of her with kisses, trailing along her collarbone, in the nook where her neck met her shoulder, the sensitive part of her throat that made it throb between her legs. Moving to unfasten her belt, Rey shrugged off the shirt, letting it slide to the floor atop the discarded belt.

Ben paused, drinking in the sight of her in a way that made a shiver shoot down her spine, and yet he waited, even though she so clearly sensed his pressing arousal both along their bond which only seemed to have strengthened and in how he looked at her, moved to caress her lower back, lips parting.

“You’re slow,” she said, not accusatorily, but then again, what did she know? There’d been a few who’d caught her eye, some had even made their move, but really, she’d never been invested enough to pursue things any further.

He raised his head to gaze up at her. “Is that a complaint?” he asked, sliding his hands up her sides.

“No,” she said, grabbing a fistful of his hair as she pulled him up towards her in a lingering kiss, forcing herself to hold back.

His eyes were hazy and at half-mast when she drew back, lips parted and yearning for more. He leaned forwards to follow, but she stopped him with a hand to his chest.

He sat back down, brows knitting together just slightly in obvious impatience.

“I’m not going to do this on a chair,” she stated and left him to head for the inner part of her quarters. He followed willingly, and Rey shut the door after him. She didn’t allow him much time to look around - he didn’t seem like he was interested in that regardless - before she stepped in front of him, and he backed until he came to the bed where he took a seat. Going in after him, she walked up close enough to stand between his legs, exposing the bulge in his trousers, but he didn’t look away from her face for even a second as she leaned down. Their lips collided, and a shaky moan came from him as she cupped his groin, slowly rubbing him through his clothes, a smile tugging the corners of her mouth upwards when he had to pull away.

Licking her lips, she took a step back, not breaking eye contact as she stepped out of her boots and undid her trousers and slipped out of them. Rey saw that he closely followed her every movement, and where his gaze hit her felt like it was on fire.

She slipped out of her underwear, raised her hand and curled her fingers, beckoning him closer. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down before he slid down from the bed, closed the distance between them, but she didn’t kiss him this time, just gave a slight incline of her head as she said, “I think you should get on your knees instead,” her own voice husky.

The ghost of a smile flitted over his face, his dark eyes glimmering with excitement and arousal both. He took his sweet time doing as she’d told him, his hand first cupping her face as he kissed her. Then, it slid to the back of her neck, fingers entangling themselves in her hair as his lips caressed her neck and jaw. Goosebumps spread over her skin when he smoothed his hands down over her sides, his thumbs gently brushing over her stiff nipples. She sucked in a breath when he kissed down over her lower stomach, her mount of Venus.

She was almost trembling when his knees hit the floor and his hands settled on her hips. A quiet moan slipped past her lips as his tongue rolled over her throbbing clit, shooting a surge of heat up through her gut, and she buried her fingers deep in his black hair as his lips and tongue worked over her lips.

She was dripping wet before he even began. The moans that rolled off her tongue at steady intervals resounded in his head, and Ben grabbed her thigh, spreading her legs a little further so that he might have more room. Letting his lips nip gently at the hard bud, making her gasp, he licked over her cleft and tried to compensate for how she began rolling her hips up against him, pushing him closer, needy for more. Grabbing and squeezing her ass with one hand, he moved the other up her inner thigh and slid two fingers inside, fingerfucking her as he kept stimulating her clit, eyes closed as he immersed himself in pleasuring her.

Her grip on his hair tightened, her moans got louder, and he curled his fingers as he thrust them in and out.

“Ben- ah…” she breathed shakily, pressing herself up against him, hips bucking and knees trembling as her climax washed over her, and he kept busy until she’d ridden it out completely, and her fingers slid out of his hair.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he rose back up onto his feet, the sight of her almost took his breath away - more than it already had. Her cheeks were flushed, hazel eyes hazy, lips glistening, and she reached up, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him down into a deep, still-hungry kiss. His hands found their place on her waist, and willingly, but not very patiently, he let her push him back down onto the bed.

Rey tugged at his shirt, and he couldn’t get it off quickly enough. Throwing it aside on the floor, he gave a sigh of relief when she undid his trousers, and, helping each other, he kicked them off along with his boots.

As she kissed down over his throat, she slid her hand down over the pane of his stomach into the waistband of his underwear. Sucking in a breath as she grasped his length and slowly began to stroke it, he tilted his head back and could practically feel her grinning.

Grabbing her chin, he pulled her back up into a kiss, needy, hungry, aching for more, and she tugged the last clothes off of him before she pushed him back enough that he was propped up on one elbow as she once more straddled his lap.

Sliding his hand up over her thigh as she let go of his hard cock, Ben leaned up towards her as she bent down to kiss him. He groaned into it when she rubbed herself up against him, teasingly rolling her hips.

“That’s very easy for you to do,” he said breathily, and cursed himself when she halted her movements, instead cocking her head to the side.

“Does that mean you want me to stop, then?” Rey asked innocently, straightening, getting further and further away, and he was about to sit up to grab her when something caught a hold of his hands and pinned his wrists together above his head, leaving him unable to do much except lay down and watch her.

He squirmed, but at the same time didn’t mind it in the slightest. “No,” he said, voice strained, and he searchingly rolled his hips up, but she pressed a hand to his abdomen and shot him a look that warned him just what would happen if he kept trying to fight it. Biting his bottom lip, he let out a frustrated huff. The grip on his wrists wasn’t loosening, and she still wasn’t moving. Oh, she really was going to make him ask for it, was she?

His eyes narrowed, and that wicked glimmer in hers reappeared.

Ben groaned, chest rising and falling.

“Please,” he said hoarsely.

She slid her index finger up the underside of his cock, grabbed it, and gave it a few agonisingly slow strokes.

“Please, Rey,” he repeated.

“Good,” she purred and leaned down to kiss him, one hand braced beside his head as she used the other to guide him in. Slick warmth enveloped him, and he inevitably ground his hips up against her. The hold on him dissolved, and he grabbed her by the hips as he thrust up into her again. She moaned into the kiss, but pulled away enough to begin moving up and down on her own, slowly at first, but then she picked up her pace. He sat up, holding her snug up against him, felt her breasts press up against his chest as she rode him, her arms again wrapped around his neck, pressing him tight up against herself.

Grabbing her by the waist, he pulled out, flipped her over, and thrust in once more. Her dark hair splayed out against the sheets, his head dipped as he slowed down, grinding his hips up against her, angling his thrusts. He reached in between them with one hand, used his thumb to roll over her clit as he began moving in and out again. Her fingers dug into his back, her lips searched for his and found them, and, sloppily, needy and greedy, they kissed, interrupted by moans and gasps of pleasure.

Heat pooling in the pit of his stomach, Ben knew he was close, but he could tell she was as well. Her legs wrapped around his hips, he held her around her waist, pressed her up against him with every deep thrust, left kisses between her breasts before he moved back up to her neck and exposed throat as she tilted her head back, strokes growing quicker and rougher the closer he got.

With one last thrust, he was sent over the edge, and she fell along with him, clenching around him as they rode out their climax together.

Panting shakily, he rested his forehead against her chest for a moment or two, then kissed her once more, gentler this time, not as desperately, and she, as breathless as he, reciprocated it, cupping his face as he pulled away to be able to look at her.

Pressing a kiss to her cheek, he pulled out, then laid down on his side and pulled her into his arms, only now realising it was a single bed they were laying in.

“There is _not_ a lot of space here,” he complained, but only half heartedly, as Rey curled up against him, sticking her leg in between his.

“I don’t know if you realised when you came here, but there’s a lot of things that need to be changed. I suppose a new bed’ll have top priority,” Rey mused.

“Definitely top priority,” he agreed, tugging her a little closer, and he felt her chuckle almost soundlessly.

“It wasn’t a complaint, though,” he grinned as he pulled her tighter against his chest. It just meant he had more of an excuse to be as close to her as he was right now - and for the moment, he could forget all the rest. This was so much more important.


End file.
